Need to move on - how?

Littleone88

Fast background: I am in my mid-twenties, a little shy, definitely "not good" on meeting women, first because I honestly don't try very hard and second because I think that, even if a try, I wouldn't be very succesfull.

I wanted to tell the story with some details, but it was too long, and is kind of silly, so keeping it "simple"...

I met a girl about a year ago. It wasn't online, but the talk was only through web and phone because we live 80km away from each other. Some points that make the story silly like I said and actually make me embarassed:

- She is only 18, I am 26 (but she is very mature for her age)
- We never got together for real. I mean kiss or anything like that

Despite that we really clicked, we have a lot of things in common, the conversation was nice and all that... but the thing is, because of her personality, she started to say that she was liking me, wanted me... with just a few weeks of conversation. In the beggining I was skeptical, first because I knew that it could be just a 18-year-old girl excited because she found a nice guy, and second because she is very, very beautiful, so that kind of feeling "why would she want me?" was in my head... but she kept saying that, to the point that I was worried thinking "If I don't start to reciprocate, I might lose her" so I decided to go on, mainly because at this point I was already liking her a lot.

Well, the thing is a couple of months passed and we were almost boyfriend and girlfriend in a "long" distance relationship. By that time I was in love with her, no doubt. And that's when she started to change. Sometimes we were talking normally and then in the next day, without a reason, she was silent, ignoring me. Whenever I asked her what was wrong she would say that "she wasn't sure she wanted a relationship now", but a few days after she was back to normal, treating me well, saying she loved me, bla-bla

I think here is my big mistake, I should have stopped there... but I was so in love with her that I didn't want to give up. We kept in the rollercoaster until February, that was the last time she demonstrate something. One day she said clearly that she didn't want anything because she had changed her mind and didn't like me anymore, so we stopped talking for 30 days more or less. These days were very hard for me because I was completely in love with her, she knew that, but she didn't show any consideration for my feelings. Ok, she has the right to not like me anymore, but she was disrespectful sometimes.

Well, last May I made the stupidity of talking to her again. I knew it was a risk, but I wanted to try again, see if I could make her want me again, but it didn't work. I was very clear that I was still in love with her, but any time that the subject went to this path, she became very upset, saying harsh things and making me feel worse. Last month I asked her to tell me if she was in love with another guy or if she was completely sure that we would never get together. The answers were "no" and "I can't say that now". I wanted to start to move on, but these answers made me have a little hope again. But again, same thing, she wasn't at all demonstrating the same feelings of the beggining.

Yesterday, the bomb. We weren't talking for a week or so, and then she sent me a message telling me that now she was interested in another guy and they would start dating soon. In fact, that was a thing that I asked her to do a couple of months back. I asked her to tell me right away if/when she was interested in another person, so I could give up already. She didn't say a word, but if I know her well, if they will start "soon", she probably is into this guy for a few weeks at least.

Well, I am an idiot, right? I had a lot of signals to get out, but I was stubborn. And now I am with my heart in pieces, and the problem is that I am actually scared of how much this is hitting me. I couldn't sleep last night, for example, and I can't stop thinking about it for a single moment. I don't know if I am deeply in love with her or the fact that I am alone for a while is helping... what I know is that it's being hard and now it will be harder.

I know that the world is full of people in love with someone that doesn't want them, but this one is a bit unfair. I didn't started it, I am quite sure that if she hadn't kept trying and trying to convince me I wouldn't be in love now, at least not with this kind of intensity. Like I said, I'm not good at this subject, I was kind of "resigned" with that, and then she appears, makes a pretty good job at making me want her, promises me all kind of things and now... this.

Is there anything I can do besides the basic? Which is stop any kind of contact, delete her from any social media, etc etc... oh, guess what, I don't start college and my new job until middle of August, so I have 30 days without these two things to focus on. =/

Talking to a friend is a thing that might help, but I am kind of embarassed of this story. Not that my good friends would laugh at me, not that, but I am anyway.

Sorry. Long and silly story of a dumb guy that was stupid, but I guess it is good to get this out in a way... I see some of the things posted here and feel kind of ashamed to be hurt by something like this, but well... I am.

Any advice would be nice.

Thanks guys

athtrasna

Start by ending all contact, delete her on social media and delete any contact information you have for her. Cold Turkey is the way to to go.

Next look to fill your time. Volunteer, walk, join a few groups on meetup.com, do whatever you can to keep busy and try to have fun. Look at the next 30 days as 30 days of opportunity rather than time to dwell on it. Don't be your own worst enemy.

Time is the best healer.

LegacyUser

Bar a couple of minor details, I could have written your post about a year ago OP.

Athtrasna has the right idea. Cutting contact is the best thing you can do and no slip ups! Block her from everything, Facebook, Twitter etc. and her mobile number too, as hard as that may be (and I know it's difficult to do). Any point of contact - just sever it. It will be tough but believe me if you front it out, in a months time you'll be feeling a lot better than you do now. Of course you'll miss her but it gets easier, it really does.

ihavenoname3

she probably made the other guy up, so don't be thinking about her being with him, she is probably a little young for you op, and that is what happens when you date young women, they play silly games, you would be a lot better off going for someone around your own age. as the others have said cut all contact, out of sight out of mind. you will look back on this and b grateful you got away from her, has happened me a few times in the past.

also take up a hobby, or spend time on a hobby you have, anything to keep busy.

MissFlitworth

You're not an idiot. It's pretty common to fall deeply for people you haven't physically met these days, it's just so easy to talk to someone forever without actually having met. And it still hurts when that relationship ends, of course it does. Everyone is right when they say go cold turkey on this, cut her off.

Then figure out a project to work on for the next 30 days till you are in college & work and are meeting people and have distractions. Couch to 5k or something more intense. Something you've been meaning to do forever. Make yourself busy and make yourself tired and just put some time behind you so that you get a bit of distance between you and her and the time you had a relationship and you'll be grand. You'll meet someone you can have a full relationship with too if that's what you'd like. If you were able to click with this person, you'll be able to do that with someone else and it will be awesome.

Littleone88

Athtrasna, thanks for the reply.

Guest 214355, I imagine it will be hard to do that. I didn't do it yet because I wanna know for sure if she will in fact start dating the guy, but I am 99% sure that it will happen, so I probably should start doing that now.

Ihavenoname, as I said, I think it is true. I wish she was making that up, to be completely honest, but I don't think so. But you're right, maybe I am better off without her. If she did this now, who knows what she could have done if we got together.

The problem is what Guest 214355 said, doing everything by the books it will take a few months to feel better, and this is a lot of time feeling this right here. This makes me so angry, if I had ***ked up somehow, ok, my fault, but that is not the case, definitely.

Oh well... that's life I guess.

Thanks for the replies guys.

Littleone88

Thanks, Missflit.

I really hope you're right.

Littleone88

Just finished talking to her, probably for the last time. She confirmed she is gonna try to be with the other guy, it is real.

I can't even explain how I am feeling. I'm completely broken... despite everything that I told in the post, this is quite different, it is the end and right now I feel like I love her more than anything. I really hope this is temporary. =/

Penny Tration

Littleone88 wrote: »

Just finished talking to her, probably for the last time. She confirmed she is gonna try to be with the other guy, it is real.

I can't even explain how I am feeling. I'm completely broken... despite everything that I told in the post, this is quite different, it is the end and right now I feel like I love her more than anything. I really hope this is temporary. =/

It IS temporary.

Having your heart broken sucks. It's a rotten feeling. You'll probably have tears, lack of appetite, trouble sleeping and it'll just feel awful.
It's temporary, though. It passes, in time.

What I found when I broke up with someone who I texted a LOT was that it felt really weird not sending and receiving lots of texts, I was constantly looking at my phone and it felt odd not having lots of messages. So, I blocked him on all social media and deleted his phone number.

That hurt a lot, and the first few days were really rough (I didn't eat for five days!), but after I got used to no contact, it got better. Keeping yourself busy is what you need, as well as blocking all contact with her.

I know it's a month til you have any specific thing to do as a distraction, but use the month to your advantage. Go out and do some exercise because it releases endorphins which will lift your mood. Eat healthily. See your friends. Read some books, watch a boxset, find ways to fill your time.

Accept that at the start, yes you will think about her and feel miserable, but push on anyway, keep busy, and it'll start to subside sooner rather than later.

Littleone88

Thanks Jenny

Despite all the bad things she did, we ended up having a normal conversation, and I asked her to block me from these things. It's even better than if I block her.

Is it normal to have these "double" feelings? I really am pissed off because the things she did, but I didn't want things to end badly. I don't know why. In the last messages she said (again) that she was completely sorry and it is horrible to see me like this, etc etc... anyway, anyone would say that I guess.

It is good to read from your messages that I don't need to be with someone else to forget her... I know it would be easier, but it is good to know that it is not essential, because I don't think that this is gonna happen for a while. Despite the way I am, on top of that now, I imagine that every time that I have the slightest chance, I will remember what happened now and it is gonna be difficult not be afraid =/

athtrasna

Littleone88 wrote: »

Thanks Jenny

Despite all the bad things she did, we ended up having a normal conversation, and I asked her to block me from these things. It's even better than if I block her.

Is it normal to have these "double" feelings? I really am pissed off because the things she did, but I didn't want things to end badly. I don't know why. In the last messages she said (again) that she was completely sorry and it is horrible to see me like this, etc etc... anyway, anyone would say that I guess.

You block her, and delete her number, email etc. then you hold the power, it isn't better if she blocks you.

It's not going to be easy but that needs to be the last conversation you have with her. If you keep going back you'll never move on. Be strong

Littleone88

athtrasna wrote: »

You block her, and delete her number, email etc. then you hold the power, it isn't better if she blocks you.

It's not going to be easy but that needs to be the last conversation you have with her. If you keep going back you'll never move on. Be strong

Athtrasna, I asked because I thought it would be easier this way. If I had blocked her on Whatsapp or Facebook, I could have an urge to talk to her and in literally 30 seconds I could unblock and do it. But now I can't, and it is only on these two things, they are the way we used to talk and where I could see her pictures, posts, these things.

But I think I understand your point, I have to be strong enough to do this on my own, but there are other ways to contact her that I am still able to use and I won't, I hope to be strong enough and I think I will be. The problem with Facebook and especially Whatsapp is that it would be too easy and it is something that I use almost every day.

Jasper_

I don't intend to discount your feelings for this girl for one minute, because they are clearly sincere. However, and this is a big however, imo you can not possibly love someone without meeting them in the flesh and spending time with them.

As much as you guys talked and maybe browsed or sent each other photos of each other there is a disconnect. This disconnect (not being physically with each other) leads to projection. You spent your time projecting your own notions of what it would be like to actually spend time with this girl.

No matter how much you got on over the phone and no matter how much you guys may have found each other physically attractive you have absolutely no idea what it would have been like to spend time with this girl.

Simply put, you could have eventually went on a few dates with her and thought "meh" - and left it at that. Right now you are only in love with your own projection of this girl, which more often then not does not live up to reality.

On a side note, think more of yourself next time you meet a girl, if there are games from her side and constant chasing from yours, move on swiftly.

Littleone88

Jasper, I don't know if I can disagree with you. Actually, yesterday I was thinking something like "how can I be so sad about a person that I don't even spend time with in flesh?".

Like I said, I'm not the kind of guy that go out with a lot of girls. In fact I had only one relationship, it lasted some years. Other than that, just a few things. I don't try hard, so I can't say for sure if I would be a total failure on the subject (although, if I had to decide, I'd say that I would be).

Because of that, I don't know if what I'm feeling is real love or if it is just something that escalated quickly because of the time that I am without a nice person with me. I even said on the post: "I don't know if I am deeply in love with her or the fact that I am alone for a while is helping...".

I'd say that I am feeling so sad now because of all things together: how much we have in common, how beautiful she is, how I've been "waiting" for someone like her and how I felt happy in the time that everything was fine, despite not seeing her.

Well, maybe you're right... but whatever it is, is strong and I really want it to go away as fast as possible.

LegacyUser

I have been in something a little similar so I'm not discounting your feelings but maybe your feelings are so strong for her because you've left other areas of your life under-developed?

In my situation (just for context) I was unemployed, most of my mates were in different cities, I was spending an unhealthy amount of time online on discussion sites. I didn't notice it but basically my life was empty, and because my life was empty I was lonely. It happened gradually and she was in a similar situation herself so we were always off to a bad start but God it got intense and it was very real when it ended, even though it had never really been real (if you see what I mean).

I had a long hard look at my life, what I was doing, how I was spending my time etc. I got back into sports, I made an effort to see friends, I deleted her number/facebook etc. I had drifted into an easy, unreal life because bit by bit I got too lazy to make an effort in the real world. It really is a form of an addiction for some people.

I am happy now, and she is happy now, we still email on occasion but rarely. I have reconnected with my friends and continue to make friends, I have a great real relationship too.

There is one thing though, and I think it's important you realise it. Jasper is right when he says this girl is probably a projection for you. She was for me, in my head she was the answer to everything simply because I wanted to believe she was. I suppose I was the same to her. Real life isn't like that, real life is great days with your partner and dull days with her too. Don't fall in love with a dream that can't come true. Even if you were with her, she wouldn't be the "her" you've dreamed her to be. "She" will always seem perfect because you never have to really interact with the reality of her.

Anyway, my advice would be to fill your life, make friends with real people, get offline and get out and experience everything you can. Actually, looking back, i have always had the tendency to believe in an idealised world somewhere other than where I am, grass is always greener and the fun party is always the one happening across town. Maybe that's just my nature, maybe it's not like that for anyone else, but the only cure (if you are like this, and hopefully you aren't) is to get out there and meet people. Fill your life.

Good luck

Littleone88

FortheBest wrote: »

I had drifted into an easy, unreal life because bit by bit I got too lazy to make an effort in the real world. It really is a form of an addiction for some people.

Man, I really can relate to this. I don't know if that is exactly what you meant, but in my case, I rarely try hard for something in my life. I don't know why that is, really. But I don't. I don't know if I will be able to explain, but basically I am "satisfied" with little things and don't feel the need or don't have the diposition to go after things that could make me happier.

When I say "I don't try hard" to find a woman, this is a perfect example of what I said above. This is a topic that moves every man, being with someone, in a relationship or just simply picking girls, sex, this kind of thing. I think that this subject especifically (women) I don't do it because I know in my head that I will probably fail, but there are another aspects in my life that I could improve, but I am too lazy.

With that being said, maybe you are thinking "well, that's the problem", but I don't see how this had an influence on what happened with this girl. In fact, I can say that for being this way I am, there are few things that I am ready to make a real effort for, for example, the job that I will start next month, I really wanted it, I went to the interview ready to give my best, which I did. And it worked. So, one of the reasons why I think I really like this girl is exactly the fact that I was fighting for her, doing everything that I can. To think about this now, just makes me angrier. In the first days I remember putting her in the same category "things that I won't be able to accomplish". I changed gears exclusively because of the things that she said to me, about how she was into me, etc.

So, I relate to what you said, but I don't see how that is the cause of this particular problem.

About the "projection" thing, I understand the possibility of things being not that good in flesh, but I know as well that it could be... or things could be even better, no? I have no way to know that now... I gotta say these "what if..." are the worst. I thought about it today all day long "what if I had said this?", "what if I had done that?"... it is horrible.

FortheBest wrote: »

"Anyway, my advice would be to fill your life, make friends with real people, get offline and get out and experience everything you can. Actually, looking back, i have always had the tendency to believe in an idealised world somewhere other than where I am, grass is always greener and the fun party is always the one happening across town. Maybe that's just my nature, maybe it's not like that for anyone else, but the only cure (if you are like this, and hopefully you aren't) is to get out there and meet people. Fill your life. "

About this, what I can relate is that most of things that I like to do in my free time, I can do alone... watching sports, watching series, listening to music, this kind of things... my best friends don't live near me, so I don't go out much and I feel a little lonley sometimes, but it was never a thing that bottered me. I always saw myself as a "cold" person, and this is why I am suprised by my reaction in this situation. I think the fact that I am 26 and only now I am having this experience of being hurt by someone speaks for itself.

Like I said, I do think that the way I am made this thing get so bigger. But the "being alone" part, not the "not put effort on things" part.

One thing I think we are in agreement, maybe I am making too much of this. I really hope in a few weeks I can come here and say "you were right, I was overracting", something like that.

I don't know if I am making myself clear, I am sorry if that is the case. English isn't my native language, by the way, and probably I am not writing very well, but I am grateful for everyone that is trying to help. Thanks...

Monkey61

Littleone88 wrote: »

Guest 214355, I imagine it will be hard to do that. I didn't do it yet because I wanna know for sure if she will in fact start dating the guy, but I am 99% sure that it will happen, so I probably should start doing that now.

Everybody has given you great advice, but I just wanted to add one important thing that I think you should consider and hopefully remember if you are ever in this kind of situation again -

Don't ever waste your time waiting around for someone who doesn't want you enough to just be with you. If they like you enough and want to be with you enough, they will be. If they are even considering dating somebody else, then they are not the person for you!

You're 26, you shouldn't be chasing after someone and settling for being their second best. You deserve so much more than that! Especially remember that if this girl contacts you again in the near future if things don't work out for her with the new guy!

Littleone88

Monkey61 wrote: »

Everybody has given you great advice, but I just wanted to add one important thing that I think you should consider and hopefully remember if you are ever in this kind of situation again -

Don't ever waste your time waiting around for someone who doesn't want you enough to just be with you. If they like you enough and want to be with you enough, they will be. If they are even considering dating somebody else, then they are not the person for you!

You're 26, you shouldn't be chasing after someone and settling for being their second best. You deserve so much more than that! Especially remember that if this girl contacts you again in the near future if things don't work out for her with the new guy!

I really don't wanna sound like I am defending her, but in the timeline of things, this talk of "other guy" just started Saturday. Of course she could be with him before, but she was being quite honest these last weeks, so I doubt it. I really know she wasn't.

The big problem was to give up being with me after everything she said, and this started a few months ago. These last two months, after the 30 days of no contact, were a risky bet by me, I knew that.

Anyway, I know you're right. If she makes contact with me again, for any reason, I should be strong and ignore it. I don't want to defend her, after everything she did to me, I know you guys are right and I am already following the advices. I had one or two urges to contact her yesterday, that kind of "I should have said that, I'm gonna do it now", but I didn't. It is being hard, but I'm not gonna do it.

irishdude11

Time for a reality check. A good looking young girl is getting hit on 24/7, 365 days a year in real life, nevermind when she is online. She will have blokes lining up around the corner for her as they have already been for years. You are just somebody she's messaging for an ego-boost or to pass the time. I'm sorry but this is the way it is, you are far more invested in this than her. You say you're not good at meeting women and that is why you are putting all your eggs in this one virtual basket. She has tons of options. You've never even met her in real life, what makes you think she would want to go off with some guy she never even met off the internet who by his own admission isn't good with women when she will have lots of sound guys who are good with women looking to get with her in real life?

Stuff like the following is giving off major desperation and loser vibes, this is the kind of thing that kills a woman's attraction to you...women want confidence and the following is pitiful, you are basically telling her you are already completely at her mercy and that you think you don't deserve her. She's looking for someone sound and who's a bit of craic to hang out with, not somebody who's desperate and is going to worship her because he's got nothing going on in his life.

Last month I asked her to tell me if she was in love with another guy or if she was completely sure that we would never get together. The answers were "no" and "I can't say that now".

Yesterday, the bomb. We weren't talking for a week or so, and then she sent me a message telling me that now she was interested in another guy and they would start dating soon. In fact, that was a thing that I asked her to do a couple of months back. I asked her to tell me right away if/when she was interested in another person, so I could give up already.

You need to get out into the real world and work on yourself and don't be expecting miracles to happen over the internet. If you had more experience with women you would know not to come out with the above. Not trying to be mean, just telling you some cold truths so you don't waste more of your time and end up getting hurt again pointlessly.

Littleone88

Irishdude11, thanks for the reply.

I know you are trying to help and I appreciate it. And I really don't wanna sound arrogant (there would be no point, I am opening up here) but there are one or two things in your post that I disagree.

I know that for the most of girls what you said is true, but this one is different. She is extremely complicated, so I understand you're saying "women like this and that", but this wasn't the case.

She was in fact being surrounded by guys hitting on her, but her reactions on this were different, she is very shy, introvert and (her words) she was tired of guys trying to pick her just because of her looks... and that is why she saw me as a "special one". Not only I almost never mentioned her looks at the beggining, we are very similar, have a ridiculous amount of things in common... this was enough for her to start liking me and that's why I thought she would be with me, because she said so, all the time. I even said in my post that I started to think "If I don't start to reciprocate, I might lose her", exaclty because in my head I was thinking what you said, "why would a girl like this want me?" The problem is that she made a pretty good job convincing me that she wanted.

About my lack of confidence, I am sure that I didn't let this be clear to her at the beggining, in fact she thinks that I am a guy that is average on the matter. I studied 1 year abroad (Ireland, actually) and in her head, I picked up tons of girls while living there, which is not true.

About the two things you quoted, I only said that after everything was almost over. We spent months before that.

I know it is hard to believe that I didn't make any mistake, I did some, but believe me... the main point of this is: we clicked really well, but she did exactly as I said on my post. I mean, literally. We say "good night" to each other, we go sleep with everything fine and then the next day she was like "I don't know if I want to be with you"... and then, two days after, she was all over me again. Until one day, she didn't come back, but by that time I was so in into her that I didn't want to give up.

And I tried the "cold" as well once, I thought "maybe I need to stop chasing her and then she will come"... that is the period of 30 days of no contact that I mentioned, but no, she didn't come talk to me... so I decided it was time to try again. Maybe that was a mistake.

And I mentioned on the post, "it wasn't online" the way I met her. We met 3 years ago, we talked a little, 10 minutes or something like that. Enough for her to add me on Facebook. After that, she was one of the contacts you have in Facebook that you never talk to... until last year, when out of the blue, she sent me a message "hey, remember me?" and then everything happened. But you guys are right, I don't really consider that I know her in the flesh because it was literally 10 minutes of conversation 2 years before we really started to talk... I am just explaining because maybe I left the impression that I met her online in a dating site or app, when in fact I don't use these things. It is not the fact that I choose to look for someone online instead of real life. I don't do it at all, which might be even worse.

ihavenoname3

Littleone88 wrote: »

Irishdude11, thanks for the reply.

I know you are trying to help and I appreciate it. And I really don't wanna sound arrogant (there would be no point, I am opening up here) but there are one or two things in your post that I disagree.

I know that for the most of girls what you said is true, but this one is different. She is extremely complicated, so I understand you're saying "women like this and that", but this wasn't the case.

She was in fact being surrounded by guys hitting on her, but her reactions on this were different, she is very shy, introvert and (her words) she was tired of guys trying to pick her just because of her looks... and that is why she saw me as a "special one". Not only I almost never mentioned her looks at the beggining, we are very similar, have a ridiculous amount of things in common... this was enough for her to start liking me and that's why I thought she would be with me, because she said so, all the time. I even said in my post that I started to think "If I don't start to reciprocate, I might lose her", exaclty because in my head I was thinking what you said, "why would a girl like this want me?" The problem is that she made a pretty good job convincing me that she wanted.

About my lack of confidence, I am sure that I didn't let this be clear to her at the beggining, in fact she thinks that I am a guy that is average on the matter. I studied 1 year abroad (Ireland, actually) and in her head, I picked up tons of girls while living there, which is not true.

About the two things you quoted, I only said that after everything was almost over. We spent months before that.

I know it is hard to believe that I didn't make any mistake, I did some, but believe me... the main point of this is: we clicked really well, but she did exactly as I said on my post. I mean, literally. We say "good night" to each other, we go sleep with everything fine and then the next day she was like "I don't know if I want to be with you"... and then, two days after, she was all over me again. Until one day, she didn't come back, but by that time I was so in into her that I didn't want to give up.

And I tried the "cold" as well once, I thought "maybe I need to stop chasing her and then she will come"... that is the period of 30 days of no contact that I mentioned, but no, she didn't come talk to me... so I decided it was time to try again. Maybe that was a mistake.

And I mentioned on the post, "it wasn't online" the way I met her. We met 3 years ago, we talked a little, 10 minutes or something like that. Enough for her to add me on Facebook. After that, she was one of the contacts you have in Facebook that you never talk to... until last year, when out of the blue, she sent me a message "hey, remember me?" and then everything happened. But you guys are right, I don't really consider that I know her in the flesh because it was literally 10 minutes of conversation 2 years before we really started to talk... I am just explaining because maybe I left the impression that I met her online in a dating site or app, when in fact I don't use these things. It is not the fact that I choose to look for someone online instead of real life. I don't do it at all, which might be even worse.

contacting her after 30 days of no contact was a mistake, if a woman wants you she will contact you, women are far more forward than most men, even the shy women.

the "hey remember me" sounds like she was bored and looking for attention, she may have sent that text to other guys at the same time for all you know, to see who would reply.

what the other poster said even though it came across a bit harsh, is true, coming on too string with women will make them run for the hills.

Have you ever heard of a book called the game? I think you should read it, some of it is bull $hit but you might learn a thing or two about women, then get yourself out there and try some of the stuff out in the book.

have a fling, have a few one night stands, but don't get too involved with another woman again for a while.

Littleone88

ihavenoname3 wrote: »

contacting her after 30 days of no contact was a mistake, if a woman wants you she will contact you, women are far more forward than most men, even the shy women.

Yeah, I know, but I am thinking now... If I hadn't made contact with her again, if we were not talking in these last three months and then I see that now she is in a relationship... I would be 10 times worse that I am now. I think I did 99% of what I could have done, and the 1% is killing me... I can't even imagine how I'd be feeling if I hadn't tried again. Of course I could think "well, if she wanted, she would've come to me", but I know myself, the dominant thought in my head would be that I should have tried again.

With the situation as is, I know I made a mistake or two, but I am sure that things didn't work out because she simply didn't want to be with me, I know that. She just made me think that she would, because she was pissed off with other guys, bored with her life or maybe because she isn't mature enough in this matter or she was confused about what she was feeling... I don't know why. After a few months she realized she wasn't exactly in love and made that pretty clear, but then the damage was done.

I say that with conviction because if I have done something wrong she wouldn't hesitate to tell me, she wasn't very concerned about my feelings in these last weeks, and no doubt would have said "it is your fault because you did this"

Littleone88

Oh, and I don't know if it is cool for the forum to comment on every reply like I am doing... it is just that I feel it is good to write about it, I feel like I am opening up which is something that everyone says that is good on this situations... I know they mean that is good to talk to a friend or family, but I didn't do it yet, and I don't know if I will...


By the way, I am not feeling any better for now... every single free time I have in my head I think about it, especially how all the good things we talked about all this time are happening to other guy...

But anyway, I feel like all the advices are here and if the other posters/mods think it is time to let the thread go down, that's ok.