Mid 30's & single - am I the only one?

BrowmThomas

So here I am, mid 30's, single and sitting in on a Saturday night! Am I the only one????? If not, what do you (all) do??? (Apart from read Boards).

I work long hours so Friday nights, I am asleep by 10, I just can't stay awake. Saturday nights are becoming too monotonous.

All of my friends are settled and have young children and I have a very small family so the past few months I seem to be staying in at weekends with not much to do. Am not a big drinker so I don't miss hangovers/pubs every weekend but I'm starting to feel like I'm too comfortable with this existence and being old before my time.

I would like to meet someone (without kids or an ex wife) but while I'm a size 10/12, I'm not good looking and mid-30's well guys go for younger than me! Confidence has taken bit of a battering recently too. Online is just not for me. It's impossible to meet guys I'm interested in. I really feel I'm stuck in a rut but don't know what to do.

Anybody else out there the same or been here before or am I the only one?

LegacyUser

I am there right now. Although I look younger for my age I find it very hard to meet anyone that isn't attached to an ex wife or children.
I'm not going to panic over it though. I'm just going with the flow because you never know when someone will come walking into your life

BrowmThomas

Hope you find the person.

I'm not panicking, and don't stay with guys "for the sake of being in a relationship" I just miss having someone there for me now that friends are tied up.

Who knows what will happen.

CaraMay

Can you change your lifestyle and get out more mid week op? Why do you work such long hours? I always preferred doing stuff on Thursday and Friday nights. Work is important but you need a balance. There is no magic solution to meeting someone but cutting yourself off 6 nights a week won't help.

Sunflower 27

BrowmThomas wrote: »

Hope you find the person.

I'm not panicking, and don't stay with guys "for the sake of being in a relationship" I just miss having someone there for me now that friends are tied up.

Who knows what will happen.

And that is one of life's greatest joys. Anything can happen.

I met my current partner at 40. And I have never been happier. He is all I ever could have asked for and I believe that is why it took a while to find him.:P

There are lots of ways to meet people, but you do have to put in the effort as you obviously know.

When I look back over my relationship history, I am glad I met my partner at a later stage in life. We have both got the mad partying and playing the field out of the way and we know what we want from life.

We have also both been hurt and as a result are far more respectful and understanding of each other's feelings.

Meeting a partner when you are older has some very big advantages.

Live your life and enjoy it. We never know who is around the corner!

lisa_eire

You are definately not the only one!
How about taking up a new hobby to help fill your weekends and meet new people. There are various groups on meet up.

dellas1979

Hi hear ya sista!

Dont be thinking you are alone in this situation, cause you are not.

I understand how difficult it is to see all your friends settling down and also meeting the right guy (not just any guy).

I throw/threw myself into having a good time (meeting new people, going new places - Ive had so much fun). If I meet someone, great. If I dont, while it would be nice, I dont. One of my problems is I look much younger and I meet guys who are in their late 20s. Great you say, but a decade is too much (for me and for them). Not to say that situation cant work out if 2 people are on the same page.

So, go out there any have fun, and build up new and good friendships!

Confucius say

You wouldn't go out with someone if they had an ex wife? My sympathy waned for you right there. No wonder you're single.

mud

It's totally fine to say that ideally your future partner won't have a lot of baggage and it's also totally fine to relax your ideals when you meet someone nice. The heart wants what the heart wants and all that!

I'm in the same situation as yourself but I'm not sweating being alone. I am totally happy in my own company but if I met someone deadly I'd be happy to relinquish some of my independence.

Take advantage of your freedom. Go on last-minute trips etc. Not being tied down is fantastic if you embrace it.

athtrasna

Don't be too fast to rule out online dating, there are a variety of sites, some are more superficial than others.

Also there's a big difference between having an ex wife (same as any ex) and having children (tied forever to the mother(s) of the children). I can totally understand not wanting to meet someone with kids but I don't get the ex thing at all.

I say this as a separated 30 something female, I have no emotional ties to my ex, and if a guy used that against me as a way of not dating me, then I'd say that guy wasn't worth it. Think of it that way.

Since my separation I've been single for long periods, but I've treasured that time. I'm now seeing someone and very happy. He doesn't hold my being separated against me, I wouldn't be with him if he did.

njs030

athtrasna wrote: »

Also there's a big difference between having an ex wife (same as any ex) and having children (tied forever to the mother(s) of the children).

An exhusband/wife isn't the same as any other ex at all. The couple stood up in front of all their friends and family and promised to be together for life, there is a legal and financial bond for life that even divorce can't fully severe as it can be re-visited at any time in Ireland.

Plus the timeline of a new relationship is dictated to by the previous one if they aren't divorced. For example if op met someone that was only separated for a year it's a minimum 3 year wait to divorce. If she wanted to get married before having children at her age it'snot likely to be possible. Plus not being able to get married in a church would bother some people

At least someone who has had a child is able to have a normal relationship on their own timeline.

Muckracker

Just go on tinder or okcupid. Seriously you will have men messaging you every day which will cure your self esteem issues. You're probably a lot better looking than you think.

Laoislion8383

Really limiting yourself when it comes to potential partners, everyone in their mid 30s will have some form of baggage and if they don't then I would ask the question why don't they to me that would be even more off putting. You will have to change your working hours and get out more join a club or take up a hobby. also don't rule out Internet dating yes there are a fair few nut jobs on it but they are everywhere, and don't run yourself down you are no doubt better looking than you think you have to think positive thinking positive will attract positive people, if you think negative you will attract all the wrong sort.

Good look

Berserker

Laoislion8383 wrote: »

Really limiting yourself when it comes to potential partners, everyone in their mid 30s will have some form of baggage and if they don't then I would ask the question why don't they to me that would be even more off putting. You will have to change your working hours and get out more join a club or take up a hobby. also don't rule out Internet dating yes there are a fair few nut jobs on it but they are everywhere, and don't run yourself down you are no doubt better looking than you think you have to think positive thinking positive will attract positive people, if you think negative you will attract all the wrong sort.

You are not on your own OP. Have you tried online dating, OP? There are people out there in your situation and people who meet the requirements you are looking for. I would echo other posters and encourage you to get out there and join some new clubs etc. That is the best way to meet someone.

I don't agree with the remark above about people in the 30s who do not have relationship related baggage. I know a few people in their 30s who are single who have no baggage. They spent their 20s and early 30s building a career; eg: doctors, barristers and simply didn't have the time to get out there to find a partner.

BrowmThomas

Thanks for all the replies guys.

I work ten hour days (small business owner) and some nights I have to take paperwork home. I do find it hard to get out at night as I am wrecked by the time I finish.

I am shy so don't like going to things on my own - stupid I know but I can't help that. Am considering finishing the business and moving to a big town or city. It's very hard to walk away but I don't have much of a life outside it at the moment and while I absolutely love it, it is restricting what I can do.

I know there are many who have not married or had kids, I don't know if I really want kids but would like to think if I was getting married, it would be a first for him too. Maybe silly of me but I can't change that.

It's not that I am desperate to meet someone, just find my weekends are spent more on my own and less with people as they move on with their lives and are understandably busy. Need to find some single friends which is hard in the area I live.

CaraMay

Op I can understand not wanting your partner to have kids and maybe also an ex wife but to blank these people because they've already had a big day makes no sense.

Sorry but in your 30's ideals like that work against you.

BrowmThomas

Problem is I am not even meeting those at the moment ☺

It's not even that I want a relationship, it's as much friends who have a little bit of time at weekends. I just miss the way it was.

I have been thinking of moving for some time so maybe finishing the business at the end of the year and starting a fresh in January might be the best way forward.

anthony4335

It is hard to meet people if you are shy and your friends are not around to go out with on weekends, this limits your options. With this in mind you really should give online dating a chance ,and maybe as already suggest join a group that would allow for some social interactions. Unfortunately as I am coming to terms with ,you will not meet anyone if you don't put yourself out there and take a risk. Also stop describing yourself in the negative, looks are subjective and confidence is key (with this been the hard one for me). While I might understand looking for someone who was not previously married, and does not have kids this may really limit your options and you really may miss out on a relationship of a life time, and will get harder as you get older. Best of luck either way, with both the personal and professional decisions.

magicgal

BrowmThomas wrote: »

Problem is I am not even meeting those at the moment ☺

It's not even that I want a relationship, it's as much friends who have a little bit of time at weekends. I just miss the way it was.

I have been thinking of moving for some time so maybe finishing the business at the end of the year and starting a fresh in January might be the best way forward.

I am in the exact same position as you BrownThomas.Just getting tired of trying to trying to find new activities so that can meet new single people.Have been living and working in an area for past 10 years where not many new outsiders move in.Didnt find it too bad as was going out with some one for few years there or else going home at weekends.Moving closer to home and working in a new city in Sept so hopefully will help me meet new people - going to join as many clubs as possible.Any single friends that I have that live in my home place only go out every month!!!

Love sports and have done marathon few times and do weight training but have found any of the sports clubs I have been with are full of settled people.Suppose the fact I don't drink doesn't help when on night out - doesn't bother me not drinking for most of night but find by after 1 am watching and listening to people very drunk makes me bored.Tired of people constantly so surprised that I find it hard to meet someone when I am attractive, very fit, nice personality and educated ( def not blowing my trumpet just saying what people say

Find when abroad like in the States it's easier to chat to guys in public places and attract guys - find guys won't chat to you here unless full of drink in a pub

Great can chat about being single and hard to find dates in Ireland - feel like when I try and chat about it with other singles it's like its tabu

chuckles30

You're definitely not alone :-)

I'll be 40 this year and still single. Did internet dating for years....didn't work for me, apart from couple of short term things. I just reached the point where I decided 'what will be will be'. I got involved in things to get to meet people - have met lots of lovely people and great friends...but still single. I would consider myself incredibly shy, but I force myself to try & talk to new people, but I do find myself gravitating back to the people I know.

I have now reached the point where if I want to go to a show/cinema/match, I just go by myself. Would be great to have someone to share these things with, but I'm not going to deny myself stuff just because I have to go by myself. At the end of the day, no one pays any heed as everyone is busy doing their own thing.

BrowmThomas

So glad I'm not the only one and thanks to you all for sharing - not always easy. Thanks for all the advice too and I am taking some on board.

I started back running this week - I find it great to clear the head. Hopefully that's a step to help finding the confidence again. Am also going to look at joining back at plates (will look to see what else is going on come Sept.).

It's not necessarily about finding a guy (that would be great) but having friends to call on to do simple things like cinema/weekend away/long walk in a forest/park etc. - just something last minute and spontaneous without organising babysitters etc.

Also 2016 is going to be the year I move back to a city - and a place I actually want to live in!

Sheog

BrowmThomas wrote: »

So glad I'm not the only one and thanks to you all for sharing - not always easy. Thanks for all the advice too and I am taking some on board.

I started back running this week - I find it great to clear the head. Hopefully that's a step to help finding the confidence again.

Go for it BrowmThomas! That's the spirit!

I am in my early 30ies and while I've dated a few guys for a number of months, I've been mainly single since I had my heart broken over 10 years ago. (Don't worry, I'm totally over it now!)

I do think that you need to be open minded and consider guys who are divorced/ separated AND guys with kids. We all have a past and life will always throw in complications!

The thing I've found extremely difficult to find is that connection when you just click with someone and it feels right. If I found that in what ever shape or form I'd go with it no matter what. (Once they are not attached to someone else that is!)

You do need to go out there and enjoy yourself though. As my Mom tells me 'Your not going to find the love of you life sitting on the couch watching TV!'

Best of luck