Am I right to be feeling a bit depressed / traumatised?

LegacyUser

I feel I've had a rough 18 months.

* Broke up with a nice ex-girlfriend of 8 years.

* I had a stalker who badly harassed my nice ex-girlfriend and destroyed my relationship with her.

* New ex girlfriend (psycho) who did two "fake" suicides where she sent me a suicide note and then disappeared for at least a day, making it seem like she's dead. Had to get police involved, etc.

* Same psycho ex-girlfriend got pregnant and had an abortion. Can't have been my kid as the details / dates don't make sense.

* Same psycho ex-girlfriend was kidnapped, I was caught up in the middle of it, and I had to deal with and pay the kidnappers (from my own pocket). Very expensive. I think she was involved in the kidnapping.

* Incredibly let down / screwed over / cheated by childhood friend.

* My business is failing.

* Had a HIV scare. An ex (different to the above ex's) discovered she is HIV+. I had been exposed. Had to wait three months for the *thank god* negative result.

* A health issue which doctors / hospitals can't explain. Basically a swelling with an unknown cause. I think it's probably minor but I can't be sure.

I'm in South America and feel very alone / disconnected from everything and everyone.

I know overall I am lucky compared to the poverty around me here (Bolivia), but I'm struggling. And I've started self-medicating with alcohol quite heavily to deal with it. On the surface I appear to be a happy, successful guy but inside I'm dying. Hard to explain the feeling but it feels like a constant feeling of loss / sadness / hopelessness. It's intense and is all day. <modsnip>
I know I need help, but can I please ask do you think it's normal I should be feeling a bit traumatised after all the stuff I've been through, or do you think I'm being too sensitive?

I'm sorry if this all seems stupid.

With everything you've been through, of f*cking course you have a right to feel depressed/traumatised. I would feel wary of offering advice, because I don't know if I'm even qualified or able to give it, but you definitely have a right. But even if you didn't go through it all, you still have a right. Everyone does.

athtrasna

Are you from Bolivia or are you Irish? If you're Irish is there any chance you can come home?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

I'm Irish. I worry if I come home I'll feel like a failure and get more depressed.

I have a very nice girlfriend now. Stable, mature, family oriented, beautiful. I want to stay with her. Honestly she is the only thing which makes me happy right now.

This is my plan:

Quit the booze
Back to the gym
Study more
Be kind to myself

Sound like a reasonable start?

Oryx

Start with being kind to yourself, or the other changes may end up.a stick you beat yourself with. Yes, give up drinking. Its a depressant and ditching it will be the best thing you can do for yourself. Rather than worrying about what you have to achieve or do next, or trawling over the past, focus on dealing with whats going on now, today. Enjoy good moments, its very easy to miss good times as they happen because your head is somewhere else.

You are not a failure just because things go wrong. Sometimes life is just unfair and throws crazy things at you. It doesnt say anything about you; it just happens. Stay in bolivia if you like it, if you want to go home at some point, do that. Dont label yourself good or bad for your choices, you make your decisions based on how you feel, so own them, and then just deal with what comes from them.

LegacyUser

I think you have every reason to feel the way you do. For your own health I would recommend coming home if possible. Personally it sounds like you have to start making good decisions for you rather than wondering what other people.

Augme

iamintrouble wrote: »

Honestly she is the only thing which makes me happy right now.

This isn't a healthy place to be. You shouldn't ever rely on someone else to make you happy.

Rubberchikken

you're some person to have dealt with all that in your original post and be here to tell the tale. but it's too much for anyone person to have handled and unsupported too.
don't place all your happiness on one person either. it's not fair on her and it's definitely not fair on you.

if you change your mind and decide to return, there'll be no shame in that. and certainly no failure. so give things some serious thought.
good luck

Merkin

You're now on your third relationship in eighteen months and as much as you like this new girl I think you have far too much baggage to work through before even contemplating a new relationship or giving one a fighting chance.

You also say you're self medicating with booze. How much are you actually drinking? It sounds like you have a lot of work to do on yourself and getting drunk is not actually going to help, nor is involving someone else in it all. Quitting drinking shovel be your first priority but if you're drinking very heavily then this should only be done under medical supervision.

Idle Passerby

I agree with Merkin, you've had three new relationships since coming out of a long term relationship just 18 months ago. The frankly crazy nature of these relationships, with stalkers, suicide threats, disappearances, staged kidnappings, crisis pregnancies, possible cheating leads me to believe you are in no fit state to be dating anyone. How do you even have the mental space for it? Take some time for yourself, you badly need it! Your just going from drama to crazy drama and falling for lunatics because your not in a good place yourself.

orthsquel

OP, I wouldn't blame you feeling a bit depressed or traumatised over what you have been through. That is a lot to deal with over 18 months and can't be too healthy for you.

My concern is that despite all that you are going to keep trucking on... with the new relationship as a crutch without dealing with all the major issues, one specifically being your business failing. Is that your own business? Is that your bread and butter while living there, is that your reason for being there, your access to a visa or residency (if applicable)? I'd be worried that despite obvious signs that you need to cut your losses and let it go, you will hang on until there is nothing left to hang onto. A relationship may not be enough of a life line to hang onto, particularly after it seems like you have bounced around since breakup of a long term serious relationship, making what seems to be perhaps bad choices in women, or at least, getting involved in women that turn out to be nightmares.

Just be careful OP that you are not staying there for lack of an idea of what else to be doing, staying for a relationship that may not be as solid as you think, especially if there is a risk of the business ending.

There is no shame in coming home, nobody would think you a failure if you came back.

Other thank your business your actual physical health needs to be dealt with as a priority. Without your health (both physical and mental) if you are running a business yourself, then there will not be a business for much longer. You will need to be very clear with yourself when it is time to leave and let go of the business if it becomes clear that it is not sustainable. The same for your overall health, you perhaps should be asking for yourself do you need a second opinion, and are you in the right place for the medical expertise that you need, or would that really matter.

In your shoes if I went through all of that and still managed to be in some sort of shape, I think the last thing I would be doing is getting involved in another relationship while there is so much instability and uncertainty all around me. I would be taking the space for myself to recover from it, so that I can have space and clarity to assess the life situation. And I think you really do need to take stock of your life there, your business, your health and ask yourself is that what you really want and do you really want to stick it out regardless for the sake of pride, if perhaps the reasons to be there are no longer viable.