Moving on...

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

So my first serious long-term relationship came to an end a few months ago (guy in my early thirties). Didn't end badly in my opinion as we just were at different stages in life, I see kids as part of my future and she didn't. I'm finding it extremely tough to get her out of my head as even when we finished we both said how much we were in love with each other. I guess deep down in the back of my mind I still hope that she'll come back to me saying that she does but realistically that won't happen, as I feel strongly about being with someone who also wants children and I won't change my mind on that.

I'm keeping really busy with work and exercise and talking to friends but she's still in my head over and over during the day. I don't see her leaving it any time soon if I'm honest.

In terms of moving on, I'd love to hear from people how they dealt with these feelings and is it normal to still be thinking about that person so much?

I thought recently about dating but I don't feel ready - is there any timeframe that can be put on when I should be ready? I ask because I considered it as a way of moving on and getting this person out of my thought process.

ihavenoname3

NeedToMoveOn wrote: »

Hi guys,

So my first serious long-term relationship came to an end a few months ago (guy in my early thirties). Didn't end badly in my opinion as we just were at different stages in life, I see kids as part of my future and she didn't. I'm finding it extremely tough to get her out of my head as even when we finished we both said how much we were in love with each other. I guess deep down in the back of my mind I still hope that she'll come back to me saying that she does but realistically that won't happen, as I feel strongly about being with someone who also wants children and I won't change my mind on that.

I'm keeping really busy with work and exercise and talking to friends but she's still in my head over and over during the day. I don't see her leaving it any time soon if I'm honest.

In terms of moving on, I'd love to hear from people how they dealt with these feelings and is it normal to still be thinking about that person so much?

I thought recently about dating but I don't feel ready - is there any timeframe that can be put on when I should be ready? I ask because I considered it as a way of moving on and getting this person out of my thought process.

I usually go out a lot on the pull, hang out with friends, throw myself into a project or hobby, never talk about the ex or think about her.
I would stay single for at least the next 6 months after a break up, or longer.

DoYouEvenLift

ihavenoname3 wrote: »

I usually go out a lot on the pull, hang out with friends, throw myself into a project or hobby, never talk about the ex or think about her.
I would stay single for at least the next 6 months after a break up, or longer.

Strong this

berrygood

ihavenoname3 wrote: »

I usually go out a lot on the pull, hang out with friends, throw myself into a project or hobby, never talk about the ex or think about her.
I would stay single for at least the next 6 months after a break up, or longer.

I disagree slightly with the bit in bold. I think it's important to allow yourself to grieve over the relationship and deal with the fallout but, at the same time, thinking endlessly about the person will melt your brain so it's best to allot yourself a certain amount of time each day to be sad but then focus on putting it out of your head.

You don't say how long you are together but to be honest you need to look at it as a whole. You have no future with this woman. Kids are something I don't think people can ever compromise on, especially not when they want them as much as you do.

It's so easy to look back on the good times and focus on those, which makes the breakup process worse. Just keep it to the forefront of your mind that you have no future with her. It should eventually get easier but you have to allow yourself to move on too. You have to want to.

Augme

Everyone will be different in terms of long it will take. As said just keep busy and think about taking up a new hobby. One that involves meeting new people is always a good one.