Neighbour Issues

123lookatme

Hi all,

Im new to the boards but I wanted to get your opinion on an issue I am having with a neighbour. I moved to Laois 8 years ago. We live in a quiet neighbourhood and the area is nice. A lot of us moved in at the same time which helps.

A couple moved in next door. Initially I tried talking to both. The wife came across as ignorant. Like getting blood from a stone but the husband was talkative. Until I realised how much of a moaner he was. And sarcastic, often making jokes at my expense in front of fellow neighbours. He always had this smirk on his face when you talked to him, almost as if he was mentally slagging you off as you were talking.

After nearly 5 years I had enough. So I stopped talking and making the effort. After a couple of efforts to talk to me came to nothing he got the hint. Now after nearly 3 years we still havent spoken. Plus him and his wife really made the effort with their other neighbours beside them. They made little effort with us.

I cant stand the guy and realised that after 3 years Ive still nothing to say to him.

Im wondering did I do the right thing. He has little respect for me or my wife and thats the biggest issue.

Cheers

Dial Hard

I think that given how much this is clearly still bothering you, 8 years on, the issue is possibly with you and not him.

He doesn't like you and you don't like him. Do you want him to pretend he likes you, or something? Why? You don't pretend to like him. So why not just accept that fact and go on with your life?

power pants

Very hard to tell from your post.

Do you know for a fact he was smirking at you when you talked? If so did you not think to ask him politley when he was smirking at you what he was smirking at? Is it possible he wasnt smirking?

You also mentioned that he was talkative but you realised you did not like him as he smirked at you and made jokes at your expense. Did he make jokes at other neighbours expenses too? Were they offending or light hearted jokes? Maybe that's just his nature?

You then said you decided to stop making an effort despite him making two attempts to make an effort.

I dont blame them from not talking to you now and if what you are saying is true about your neighbour then its no big loss either then?

However, if you are asking if you made the right decision after 3 years, it could suggest that you feel you didnt.

To be honest im undecided, I think you perhaps instigated the whole situation.

123lookatme

Dial Hard wrote: »

I think that given how much this is clearly still bothering you, 8 years on, the issue is possibly with you and not him.

He doesn't like you and you don't like him. Do you want him to pretend he likes you, or something? Why? You don't pretend to like him. So why not just accept that fact and go on with your life?

It looks that way but it really isnt.

It annoys me largely because how he carries on with everyone else around him but is sarcastic/ignorant to myself and my wife. Or at least he was until I said enough is enough.

Its three years on not eight. I put up with him for five years giving him every chance. He didnt want to know so enough was enough

power pants

without sounding flippant, what is your issue? your last post suggests you feel you made the correct decision. Surely that is all that matters then?

PinkLemonade

I don't think you did the right thing, sometimes it's best to get on with people and keep your distance

123lookatme

power pants wrote: »

Very hard to tell from your post.

Do you know for a fact he was smirking at you when you talked? If so did you not think to ask him politley when he was smirking at you what he was smirking at? Is it possible he wasnt smirking?

You also mentioned that he was talkative but you realised you did not like him as he smirked at you and made jokes at your expense. Did he make jokes at other neighbours expenses too? Were they offending or light hearted jokes? Maybe that's just his nature?

You then said you decided to stop making an effort despite him making two attempts to make an effort.

I dont blame them from not talking to you now and if what you are saying is true about your neighbour then its no big loss either then?

However, if you are asking if you made the right decision after 3 years, it could suggest that you feel you didnt.

To be honest im undecided, I think you perhaps instigated the whole situation.

I instigated the blanking because after 5 years I had enough. Ive spoken to other neighbours about it and was told that he didnt carry on with them the way he carried on with me so it wasnt just his way. It took a lot of confidence to broach the subject with a good friend of mine who is a neighbour who said that it sounded like he doesnt like me.

Look its fair enough. If I did something Id understand but I did nothing other then try and make the effort.

123lookatme

power pants wrote: »

without sounding flippant, what is your issue? your last post suggests you feel you made the correct decision. Surely that is all that matters then?

Its more just venting really. The couple recently had a second child but we didnt know if it was a boy or a girl. Years earlier my wife crocheted a bunny for their first child. Even though she didnt really know her. I had to ask my other neighbour what they had this time .

Imagine being publicly slagged off in front of other neighbours. For nothing. Just to make himself feel like the big man.

I didnt get involved I just walked away.

power pants

Why would you know though if you havent spoken to them in 3 years? Its now none of your business to be honest.

If what you say is correct, im sure the other neighbours wont be entertaining or listening to what your neighbour is saying about you.

id really just forget about it and concentrate on more important things in your life.

123lookatme

power pants wrote: »

Why would you know though if you havent spoken to them in 3 years? Its now none of your business to be honest.

If what you say is correct, im sure the other neighbours wont be entertaining or listening to what your neighbour is saying about you.

id really just forget about it and concentrate on more important things in your life.

yeah as I said just venting.

Its only really awkward if we happen to leave at the same time.

Did I handle things properly? I think I did because an argument wouldve been worse. As he really hasnt come looking for a reason why things "changed" I realised that he wasnt really a mate. He is just a guy who happens to live next door.

I have good relations with everyone else which is probably all that matters.

Merkin

This is now the third thread you have started about this issue. Given that this issue is causing you such distress, even after three years of having nothing to do with these individuals, I suggest that you might like to speak to a professional in this regard who may be able to help with coping mechanisms. As it stands, you have been offered pages of advice in different fora. Best of luck.