Man escaped jail for 'raping' his girlfriend while she sleeps

liam24 · 13-07-2015 1:00pm #1

http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/courts/face-of-man-who-raped-girlfriend-while-she-slept-31372703.html

Anybody have any opinions on this? I think the girlfriend sounds like a wacko who's got psychological issues and is taking them out on her ex-boyfriend. She's got a problem with masturbation? Nuts. Is there anybody at all on this forum who hasn't touched or had sex with their partner while one party was drowsy or asleep? It's called trust. When I wake up and I'm being masturbated, I consider it a nice gift.

hatrickpatrick · 13-07-2015 1:04pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXGD9q1hflM

osarusan · 13-07-2015 1:06pm

I do not think she is the one with the problem.

She confronted Hustveit who admitted he had had sex with her while she slept. She told him that it was a problem but the relationship continued.
....

Hustveit later admitted that he had regularly raped and sexually assaulted her in her sleep, often while she was under the influence of medication. The relationship ended.

In a subsequent email exchange between the victim and Hustveit in which she asked him to explain his actions, he made detailed admissions including raping her up to ten times and touching her in her sleep up to three times per week throughout their relationship. These emails became the basis of a gardaí investigation in June 2012 and his computer was seized.

In the email he admitted that he had raped her, saying “I guess it must be under ten times”.

He also explained his behaviour, saying “it is really difficult. I did it for short term gratification. I convinced myself it was a victimless crime because you were asleep”.

“I didn't want to hurt you, I just wanted to come. I used the fact I wasn't allowed watch porn or masturbate as an excuse,” Hustveit said.

The guy sounds like a nutjob. Not sure about OP.

hatrickpatrick · 13-07-2015 1:06pm

Having read the article, the guy sounds like a f*cking whackjob, and a suspended sentence is yet more evidence that our justice system is completely bollocksed.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy · 13-07-2015 1:07pm

liam24 wrote: »

[ Is there anybody at all on this forum who hasn't touched or had sex with their partner while one party was drowsy or asleep?

Drowsy, yeah. Asleep, no!!!

liam24 · 13-07-2015 1:07pm

It seems like the Catholic church still has a grip on many aspects of our lives.

liam24 · 13-07-2015 1:07pm

The Cunning Linguist wrote: »

Drowsy, yeah. Asleep, no!!!

Did you ask permission? Ideally, you'd get it in writing.

kylith · 13-07-2015 1:07pm

Eh, no. If someone is asleep they cannot consent. If they cannot consent then it is rape. Even if they would have had sex with you were they awake; you have robbed them of the ability to make the choice about what happens to their body.

Tombi! · 13-07-2015 1:08pm

Hustveit later admitted that he had regularly raped and sexually assaulted her in her sleep, often while she was under the influence of medication.

So OP why do you have raped in quotations?
Seems like it's clearly rape

liam24 · 13-07-2015 1:08pm

kylith wrote: »

Eh, no. If someone is asleep they cannot consent. If they cannot consent then it is rape. Even if they would have had sex with you were they awake; you have robbed them of the ability to make the choice about what happens to their body.

Did you ever wake up to find your partner spooning you? Was that sexual assault?

kingtiger · 13-07-2015 1:09pm

Hustveit later admitted that he had regularly raped and sexually assaulted her in her sleep, often while she was under the influence of medication

I think this constitutes the very definition of Rape

liam24 · 13-07-2015 1:09pm

Tombi! wrote: »

Hustveit later admitted that he had regularly raped and sexually assaulted her in her sleep, often while she was under the influence of medication.

So OP why do you have raped in quotations?
Seems like it's clearly rape

Because I disagree that it was rape, regardless of what the law says.

kylith · 13-07-2015 1:09pm

liam24 wrote: »

Did you ever wake up to find your partner spooning you? Was that sexual assault?

Is spooning sex now?

blinding · 13-07-2015 1:10pm

If a Woman had sex with me when I was asleep is that Rape ?

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy · 13-07-2015 1:10pm

liam24 wrote: »

Did you ask permission? Ideally, you'd get it in writing.

No, just verbal. "Piss off, I'm asleep" usually means permission is denied.

Tombi! · 13-07-2015 1:11pm

liam24 wrote: »

Tombi! wrote: »

Hustveit later admitted that he had regularly raped and sexually assaulted her in her sleep, often while she was under the influence of medication.

So OP why do you have raped in quotations?
Seems like it's clearly rape

Because I disagree that it was rape, regardless of what the law says.

Did you miss the part about her being under the influence of medicaion?

Samaris · 13-07-2015 1:11pm

liam24 wrote: »

http://www.independent.ie/irish-news/courts/face-of-man-who-raped-girlfriend-while-she-slept-31372703.html

Anybody have any opinions on this? I think the girlfriend sounds like a wacko who's got psychological issues and is taking them out on her ex-boyfriend. She's got a problem with masturbation? Nuts. Is there anybody at all on this forum who hasn't touched or had sex with their partner while one party was drowsy or asleep? It's called trust. When I wake up and I'm being masturbated, I consider it a nice gift.

Wait, he rapes her repeatedly when she's asleep and under the influence of medication, rapes someone who's been sexually abused in childhood at that, and SHE'S the one with the problem?

Yeah, I have an opinion on this - it is rape. And no, I would not sexually touch/have sex with my partner when they were unable to consent, and if my partner did it to me there would be Words. -You- might consider it a "nice gift", but she quite obviously did not.

And the excuse that "she had issues with his masturbating" isn't one. Deal with the situation as adults, set boundaries, and he had the right to push for the boundary setting too.

Ugh, does he have no self-control at all? (And that's regarding the rapes, not the masturbation).

liam24 · 13-07-2015 1:11pm

kylith wrote: »

Is spooning sex now?

Well I'm just wondering how far it goes for you. If you don't explicitly consent to having bits of your body touched, and you wake up and they're being touched by your boyfriend or husband, do you call the Garda Siochana? Or is there some implied consent when you go to bed with someone and are in a relationship with them?

failinis · 13-07-2015 1:11pm

Tombi! wrote: »

Hustveit later admitted that he had regularly raped and sexually assaulted her in her sleep, often while she was under the influence of medication.

So OP why do you have raped in quotations?
Seems like it's clearly rape

Exactly, OP, it was rape and if someone does not give their consent then it is also rape - even if its your partner asleep beside you.

Dave0301 · 13-07-2015 1:12pm

liam24 wrote: »

Because I disagree that it was rape, regardless of what the law says.

Jesus Christ, don't ever make that the basis of your defence case.

Also, brush up on the definition of consent.

Also, actually read the focking article you linked to.

So much wrong in your post!!

liam24 · 13-07-2015 1:13pm

Samaris wrote: »

Wait, he rapes her repeatedly when she's asleep and under the influence of medication, rapes someone who's been sexually abused in childhood at that, and SHE'S the one with the problem?

Yeah, I have an opinion on this - it is rape. And no, I would not sexually touch/have sex with my partner when they were unable to consent, and if my partner did it to me there would be Words. -You- might consider it a "nice gift", but she quite obviously did not.

And the excuse that "she had issues with his masturbating" isn't one. Deal with the situation as adults, set boundaries, and he had the right to push for the boundary setting too.

Ugh, does he have no self-control at all? (And that's regarding the rapes, not the masturbation).

This is it though. It's a question of boundaries. If you're having sex with someone and they try to eat you out and you don't like it, tell them. If they do it again, have a conversation. Don't go to the police. That's just nasty and spiteful.

byronbay2 · 13-07-2015 1:13pm

Why on earth would this guy send his embittered former partner emails that he knows could be used to prosecute him for sex crimes??

Ave Sodalis · 13-07-2015 1:13pm

liam24 wrote:

Well I'm just wondering how far it goes for you. If you don't explicitly consent to having bits of your body touched, and you wake up and they're being touched by your boyfriend or husband, do you call the Garda Siochana? Or is there some implied consent when you go to bed with someone and are in a relationship with them?

Maybe you just shouldn't get into bed with someone if you're that unsure of what can be defined as rape... There are some grey areas alright. This is most definitely not one of them.

Toots · 13-07-2015 1:14pm

Dunno why you've got the word rape in inverted commas in your thread title.

Rape (noun)

unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth of another person, with or without force, by a sex organ, other body part, or foreign object, without the consent of the victim.

He put his fingers in her and had sex with her while she slept. Unconscious = cannot and did not give consent = rape.

As for the masturbation issues, maybe she didn't like him watching porn and whacking off in the bed beside her?

Samaris · 13-07-2015 1:14pm

liam24 wrote: »

Well I'm just wondering how far it goes for you. If you don't explicitly consent to having bits of your body touched, and you wake up and they're being touched by your boyfriend or husband, do you call the Garda Siochana? Or is there some implied consent when you go to bed with someone and are in a relationship with them?

Bull****.

Spooning is not sex. Sharing a bed does necessitate a certain amount of consensual bodily contact and she was obviously fine with that. Just because you're sharing a space with someone doesn't actually give you permission, implicit or otherwise, to rape them when they have not, and in this case -cannot- consent.

liam24 · 13-07-2015 1:14pm

sup_dude wrote: »

Maybe you just shouldn't get into bed with someone if you're that unsure of what can be defined as rape... There are some grey areas alright. This is most definitely not one of them.

I agree. She shouldn't have been in bed with him, because she didn't trust him. That's her issue, not his.

brevity · 13-07-2015 1:14pm

She wasn't able to give consent, that by definition is rape. The fact that they were partners at the time is irrelevant.

liam24 · 13-07-2015 1:15pm

Samaris wrote: »

Bull****.

Spooning is not sex. Sharing a bed does necessitate a certain amount of consensual bodily contact and she was obviously fine with that. Just because you're sharing a space with someone doesn't actually give you permission, implicit or otherwise, to rape them when they have not, and in this case -cannot- consent.

Can you touch a breast? Or a bottom? Is that rape?

Tombi! · 13-07-2015 1:16pm

OP gets a holiday for their trolling and/or general ignorance of rape and blaming the rape victim on being drugged and raped.

Man escaped jail for 'raping' his girlfriend while she sleeps

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