how much to say in first contact after a few weeks

tara73

Hey,
normally good with advice, but now if it's the own case, not sure what's a good thing to do and I would like to ask people around here, especially the men, what they think and how to proceed.
here's the situation:

met a really nice guy a few weeks ago on a hospital stay. I think he liked me too, but I'm not sure if he just liked me as a person or maybe also in a romantic way.
I soon realised that I like him more than being just a nice companion and if I really like somebody I find it hard to behave 'normally', means I'm starting to avoid the person or finding it hard to talk to him because I get the feeling:- I fall for you- is written on my forehead:o:). I guess I'm not alone with this stupid behaviour...

Anyway, I managed to ask him for his e-mail address when he was leaving.
I gave him mine too. He didn't wrote me.

I'm about to write him now and my question is, should I just write some usual chit chat, asking how he's doing and how I'm doing or should I explain myself a bit. I was thinking of telling him that I liked him, that I thought we are on the same wavelength and that I don't have that very often like this with people.
A friend of mine was recommending just to do the chit chat -how you're doing- to test the waters if he writes back at all and take it from there whereas I think a bit of explanation would do no harm and I would know better if he liked me too when I'm more open now.

Probably I'm overthinking, but I made very strange experiences in the last times which unfortunately made me insecure.
Thanks for any feedback.

chickenlicken2

I think what your friend says just the chit chat and see how it goes. It might just come across quite intense to add everything else particularly when it's just your first contact.

LegacyUser

I would agree with above poster. You do not owe any explanations at this stage. If you want to make contact,just the normal pleasantries would do for now, then take it from there.

tara73

thanks for answer.

well, at the moment I think it's best to not write him at all because if a man is interested, he's doing sth. to see the person again and he's not doing anything.

I will probably just write him to know for myself I've done everything I could and with that I can close the case.

tara73

tara73 wrote: »

thanks for answer.

well, at the moment I think it's best to not write him at all because if a man is interested, he's doing sth. to see the person again and he's not doing anything.

I will probably just write him to know for myself I've done everything I could and with that I can close the case.

Please don't think this. If you're interested, then there's nothing stopping you from making the first contact, is there?

tara73

Deleted User wrote: »

Please don't think this. If you're interested, then there's nothing stopping you from making the first contact, is there?

yes, that was always my point of view too, and I did that a lot of times, but as I wrote in my opening post, I think I behaved weird towards him and so I affronted him and he lost interest or really thought I'm too weird.
So writing him now feels a bit like running after him. I had my chances but messed it up.
I heard that directly or indirectly from so many men before that I have a bit of a 'trauma' here.:o

chickenlicken2

I think you need to relax. Take a breath take a step back.

There's nothing wrong with you sending him a nice friendly email asking how he has been. It doesn't mean you are chasing him. It gets too intense if you start writing to the guy telling him you really like him.

Think about how you will feel if he doesn't reply.
-If you send a nice light email and you don't hear back then fine. Bit of a disappointment but no skin off your nose.
- If you send a heavy email telling him how you feel and you don't hear back you might feel hurt and embarrassed.
-Send no email and you're sitting waiting for him to mail you.

OneOfThem

tara73 wrote: »

thanks for answer.

well, at the moment I think it's best to not write him at all because if a man is interested, he's doing sth. to see the person again and he's not doing anything.

Nope. A man can be interested but not think the girl is, or even just be unsure whether or not she is, and because of that not be trying to see the person again. Just like you're doing right now.

This "if a man is interested you'll know/he'll contact you/he'll do the chasing" fallacy that's a favourite in here, works off the false axiom that all men everywhere are immune to things that effect women (the things that are going through your head now), fear of rejection, worry about feeling like you're chasing someone that doesn't want to be chased, not wanting to waste time on a dead end, confusion over misreading signals, etc. They're not, all those things go through the head of men too. It absolutely doesn't follow that if a guy isn't pursuing you that he has no interest. Thousands of potential couples the world over every day that never get started because they were both unsure if the other person was interested and they both just let the opportunity pass.

Flippyfloppy

tara73 wrote: »

thanks for answer.

well, at the moment I think it's best to not write him at all because if a man is interested, he's doing sth. to see the person again and he's not doing anything.

I will probably just write him to know for myself I've done everything I could and with that I can close the case.

Just send a nice casual email , perhaps if you have any 'in jokes' from the hospital drop one into the mail, and see where it leads. You're still at the getting to know one another stage.

DoYouEvenLift

Just send a casual email with the usual, if he replies and adds towards a conversation then send another couple of emails and then send him your number saying it'd be easier to text - continue from there, just be sure to help continue the conversation and don't be afraid to text first on days he might happen to not text.

lazybones32

For the love of Christmas, don't send an e-mail detailing any psychic connection or vibe you perceived while in hospital with him.

A simple, direct mail saying 'hello' and 'would you like to meet up for a drink with me?'
Be honest about why your contacting him - men aren't scandalised when a woman is candid and to the point. Well, this one isn't.

Don't over analyse any potential mail. Two or three lines will do because he's not going to read it a thousand times like it were a poem.

tara73

lazybones32 wrote: »

For the love of Christmas, don't send an e-mail detailing any psychic connection or vibe you perceived while in hospital with him.

that was never my intention, to send an A4 sheet or so full with intense thoughts. litterally on my mind was what I wrote in my initial post, that I liked him (and that doesn't imply at all being in love with him, does it?) that I thought we are on the same wavelength and that it's not that often I have that with people. I thought it is honest, maybe he feels a bit flattered, improving chances he'll react.:)

Anyway, I wrote him yesterday and followed the advice given here, just asking how he's doing, and if he is in xxx now to do xxx, (as he had a special plan what to do after the hospital visit).
I told him in one sentence, but in a funny way, how I'm doing. No question of wanting to meet up.
Havn't heard back from him, but there's still the chance he hasn't checked this mail address yet.

But I can already feel the 'chapter is closed' feeling luring in the back of my mind, which is a good thing