Confused - first date stress

LegacyUser

regular poster going anon for this as mortified by myself being so anxious

Was asked out by someone I know last week. Bit surprised as I had no idea he liked me. I said yes but I am feeling a bit all over the place and could do with some advice.

Broke up with my ex, 10 yrs + LTR I was engaged to about 14 months ago. have enjoyed being single, I can do as a like when I like, theres no stress of having to worry about anyone else and no worries about contraception (I very much never want kids so while I enjoy being in a relationship, this is always a concern for me).

Anyway, we are going out tomorrow but I am a little freaked out. I've never been on a proper date in my life - ever! I don't know what to wear, what to do, what to expect. My ex was my first proper relationship and we were friends for ages before we got together so we never did the whole awkward dating thing.

I am also a bit confused about how things are between us. He has been so nice, he has called me and messaged me every day and we would often chat for over an hour. Its been surprising as because when I knew him before he was very distant, quiet and professional. Its great and sadly shows that I am not used to being treated nicely but its also worrying me as I don't want anything serious with anyone - should I be concerned about this level of contact or is he just lovely and I am being paranoid?

Appreciate any advice. I know if it was anyone else I'd just tell them to cop on and go for it but I don't find it as easy when its me involved! I am a private person so haven't told many friends about this. (They know him so it would just be awkward). I am not a big talker about my feelings and its been a leap of faith to actually get close to someone after a bad ending with my ex. Its much easier for me to stay single - its easy, its safe, i cant get hurt, I can just focus on myself.

CaraMay

But do you want to be single op? If so, don't let it progress with this guy as that's not fair

LegacyUser

I think after being with my ex so long I needed to be single for a while and it did me the world of good. Ive been single for 16 months.

With this guy, I liked him for a while I just assumed he wasn't into me as he never gave me any sign he was before. I cant deny being attracted to him and I really enjoy his company so i need to give things a go and see how it goes. I would be happy being in a relationship with him but I don't want or need something very serious or fast moving.

I think being single is 'easier' as it involves no effort on my part - I don't have to put myself out there, theres no risk of being hurt etc but at same time it can be quite lonely. I am naturally shy (people never believe this as im very chatty and outgoing socially).

To be 100% honest I am scared of the unknown, scared of becoming close to someone, scared of looking like an idiot etc I have never done the dating scene so I am just out of my depth and not sure what to expect at all. I could easily walk away but I think if I dont put myself out there and take a chance I will just keep doing this and end up very alone as a result.

Est28

It's just 1 date OP.

All you have to do is go along, try to enjoy yourself and have a laugh.
Talking about being single vs relationships, etc, etc, etc, BEFORE even having gone out ONCE with someone is setting yourself up for a world of disappointment.

One date means nothing these days. I wouldn't be getting so ahead of yourself or assuming this guy wants to put ring on it because he asked you for a drink.

Rubberchikken

Just enjoy the date for what it is, a nice few hours with a nice sounding person.
Don't put too much pressure on yourself or the date. Enjoy:)

CaraMay

Ah fair enough op. Just see it as what it is - one night in another humans company hope you have a lovely night

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for the well needed and helpful advice. Sometimes you just need the hand on your back to tell you to go out and enjoy yourself and see what happens.

Im genuinely not looking to rush into anything with anyone, was just worried originally that he was. However the more ive talked to him the more I have realised we are two busy, sometimes isolated people who enjoy a bit of company so at very least ive gained a friend