great date now what

geneinabottle

so ive met up with this guy a few times. The first night i met him he told me hes no good with contact and that normally things with girls fizzle out because of his lack of communication/texting. Anyway i left the contact up to him as i dont really buy that excuse if ur genuinely into someone and i had him written off after a few days of not hearing from him. He then contacted me to say that he was in shopping and could pick me up the new charger i had mentioned that i needed for my phone. I thought that this was very thoughtful. After a few dates, which were casual, as this seems to be his vibe, i started to like him. He seemed laid back but very interested so i started to become excited about the prospect of getting to know him better. We really clicked on these dates and there seems to be great chemistry..i met a few of his friends aswell. On the last date i got the vibe he was very interested as we got on really really well, he seemed eager to impress and was a little nervous around me. I suppose ive always got quite a bit of male attention so i feel im good at reading someones level of interest. We havent slept together yet and he seems not to want to push it as he wouldnt want to put me off or appear ungentlemen-like. All good signs i thought. I initiated the texting after the date before the last one as i wanted to be encouraging and show interest as sometimes i get the vibe hes a little intimidated by me. Anyway the very last date was almost a week ago and i havent heard from him since. Im really surprised as it went so well and he seemed so keen- i feel its up to him to contact this time?? its always been within 2-3 days and hasnt been a problem to him before...

Typer Monkey

Why don't you just have a conversation with him about where things are going? Ask him that actual question instead of relying on 'vibes'. If he's interested and wants a relationship, great. If he doesn't then you can move on knowing this and put it behind you. Playing guessing games and taking turns to contact each other and reading between the lines is all very teenagery tbh.

Have the confidence to ask for what you want. Confidence is attractive!

pookie82

I don’t know… I’m always wary of people who “warn” you straight off the bat that they’re really bad at something as if they’re never going to make an effort to change it. I dated a guy years ago who once said in the early days “I’m an as*hole to women, just so you’re warned”. I was young and foolish and he was indeed an as*hole to women but he felt his early confession made him exempt from any reprimand when he did end up treating me badly.

The same goes here, really. Why would you confess to a bad habit you can change if you really want to? It’s like an instant get out of jail card. No matter how well your dates go, will you be left after every single one with days/weeks of silence? That’s not really acceptable. How hard it is to remember to text someone you’re supposed to be into and getting to know?

You’re sure there’s no one else on the scene? Days of radio silence and then sudden contact would make me wonder if he’s waiting for a “chance” to text/call you safely.

If it’s not that, then I don’t know, I think you’d have to be straight with him and explain that if he intends to go any further with you you’d expect a more sustained level of contact, as would most women, so he’d better get used to that if he ever does want a relationship.

geneinabottle

Yeah I'd be very surprised if there's someone else on the scene..never met anyone who appears as sincere and genuine as him and I generally am a good judge of character. He was very conscious of creating a good impression with me and up until now the texting wasn't really an issue as I knew he really liked me. He mentioned that he found it intimidating that I'd been on so many dates and I'm wondering if this is holding him back? I regret being so open now. He also mentioned that I appear very confident and he seemed slightly intimidated of me. I was trying to be more friendly than usual as he sometimes appeared nervous when he was with me despite him being very attractive. We kind of opened up to each other on the last date so this is all a bit bizarre. I'm wondering if a guy doesn't get in contact is it a lack of interest or is it him just being easy going or else could it be that they want to hear from the girl to see if she's bothered. I've always lived by the motto that "he's just not that into u" if he doesn't pursue a bit in the early stages of dating but is this too rigid a mindset? I'm wary about texting as if it's a case of him being half hearted I'd prefer leave it now and not drag out any longer but am I cutting off my nose to spite my face?? When I initiated the last date I left him to follow up and arrange it which he did within a few days so I haven't really done much pursuing at all apart from suggesting it..

geneinabottle

Also I fully intend to bring up this texting issue if I do get to see him again ..like bring it up in a light hearted manner but I'm not sure hel contact now..

apieceofcake

Hi

This guy sounds like a lot of hard work!!

When he said he is 'not good' with contact- that would make me think everything is on his terms.

Just text him and ask him what the story and when are we meeting? You should have your answer then (negative or positive)

Good luck

jimd2

Yes, i agree. Just text him or your head will be fried otherwise.

Matteroffact

He knows how to contact you if he wants to.

CaraMay

What do you mean opened up to each other? Could something you said have put him off? Was it too early for this kind of talk? Did it move ye into the friend zone? Oversharing too early is often a real romance killer op.

I would wait to hear from him and while doing so, have a long think about the kind of communication you want if this is to be a runner.

geneinabottle

Oh no by open up I mean just mentioned a few things about our lives that u probably wouldn't tell someone u weren't interested in,,the general tone was casual and fun. I don't think I will as this stage so should I just leave it?? I'm very surprised..

LLMMML

I'm not sure why you're confused that he's not contacting you. He told you this would happen from the start. You can analyse it all you want, or think things should have been different with you, but he was upfront with you and you pushed ahead anyway. I've encountered a few people, both friends and potential partners who are like this. They're all nice people so I wouldn't paint him as a demon for this. But if you're unwilling to be the one who always initiates contact then you need to end it now. In my experience this is an inherent part of their personality and will not be changed.

OneOfThem

geneinabottle wrote: »

I don't think I will as this stage so should I just leave it??

Nah. Don't be daft. Send him a message. If it continues after this time then maybe think about cutting your loses. But if you think there's something there it'd be silly to just cut and run the first time he isn't as on top of the initiating of contact as you'd like. He's said he's not great at that, could be a few reasons for that, maybe he just worries about coming on too strong/seeming too eager when he really likes someone and takes it a bit far. You could maybe mention in a lighthearted, teasing way when you meet back up that he's lucky you got back in touch as you'd have expected him to contact you for another date seeing as you did last time. Life's short. Can be hard to meet someone. Take a chance. What have you got to lose?

dellas1979

OneOfThem wrote: »

Can be hard to meet someone.

Well, no, its actually easy to meet someone. Its hard to meet someone who meets your needs/expectations.

Either you change your ways, OP, of the belief of the chasing milarkey and contact him. Or leave it.

He doesnt seem to want to change this aspect of dating, which he is fully aware of. And if he was for changing his habits for someone, it doesnt seem like hes doing it for you.

And OP, it really his loss (the feckin ejit).

doohey

Text him - nothing ventured & all that