Almost 12 year old doesn't want minder?

Hannaho

Hi! My son he will be 12 in October. We've had au pairs until now, but he doesn't want a minder anymore, i.e. he doesn't want anyone to walk him to school or home again - he's going into 6th class - he said it is embarrassing. The school is 25 minutes walk through residential area and one very main road. It's also becoming hard to get an au pair as a lot of them don't want to be an au pair to an almost 12 year old. He doesn't want to go to a childminder - even worse than an au pair as far as he is concerned. He's quite mature for his age and tall for his age - about five foot two - and has the body of a rugby player - so looks older for his age.

Just wondered if people thought we should dispense with the au pair or use them for another year. He would be walking to school one day a week and coming home from school on his own four days a week. He would be home at 2.30 and his sister age 14 would be home at 4. We have several really nice neighbours in the cul de sac who he could call into if anything happened.

I'm not sure what to do - but would really welcome thoughts/opinions.

RedXIV

Just as an aside my 10yr old walks to and from school by himself and has done for the last school year, he has a buddy to walk with but he has walked on days where he'll be alone due to the neighbour being sick etc.

In saying that, I think I'm not ready for him to be home alone for that long just yet, I'd think about it if he was 12 though...

MagicMarker

Get him a bike, turn a 25 minute walk into a 5 minute cycle.

I was getting a bus to school on my own when I was 9. Hiring an au pair to walk a 12 year old to school sounds a bit much.

Hannaho

Hi REDXIV - thanks for your reply. It's reassuring. I have left him on his own - he doesnt always want to come - when I've gone for two hours to a friends house close by on a Saturday afternoon - he's always let me know where he was - much better than his sister. I didn't let his sister walk to school until end of sixth class, but I feel it's a bit different for girls, I would also be glad to finish with minder/au pairs, but would do it for another year if necessary.

BeardySi

Walking to and from school at 12 - absolutely, I'd go so far as to say it's important for him to get the chance.
Leave him alone for an hour and a half every day until his sis gets in - well that's gotta be your call but I wouldn't think it would be an unreasonable thing to do...

When I was 11 or so (albeit in rural Galway in the eighties), I'd be the first one in and would have to get the fire on and the dinner started after school, little sis went to the childminder. I loved the sense of freedom and grownupness!

Finally, with my scout leader's hat on - kids are capable of a lot more than adults often give them credit for. A little bit of trust and responsibility can go a long way in building confidence and self reliance later on.

draiochtanois

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amdublin

I'd be definitely letting him walk to and from school on his own.


I would not be dispensing with the au pair in the house - but I'd be making it clear to him (s)he is not "minding" him persay...more there acting in parentis locus (have I got that word right?)
i.e. it is his responsible to get his food and start his homework - but that if he doesn't the au pair will step in and tell him to do it.

silja

I agree the walking to/ from school is not an issue.
How long will the kids be alone at home though? I'd be a bit concerned about a 14 year old being responsible for a 12 year old for longer than an hour or so.