Feeling Trapped and Frustrated

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm hoping for some advice or to let off some steam.

I am recently the wrong side of 30, have a great job and boyfriend and apartment but feel very trapped.

I think it's down to a few factors;

Firstly, this country - we earn great money on paper and rent a nice apartment but find it so hard to save money for a house. There's always some other expense that comes along every month, which i guess is just life, that cleans out your savings. Our jobs are great,a and pay pretty decent, which would have got a high standard of living one time but all i can see is a struggle here. and this is without a house or mortgage...
Our money would go much further outside of Dublin, but then we wouldn't have these jobs...

I hate the way everyone expects you to get married and comment about it all the time too. My OH does this too and i know he wants to get married. I'm not opposed to it, and love him, but don't feel the urge, i'm happy the way things are.
I really hate how every little trip or night away is ruined bu friends and family texting fishing for news throughout, and you know they all expect it. Like a cloud hanging over everything.

I feel trapped insofar as I may just want to up and leave some day. Why not? I only have one life. My bf won't stray far from home at all, wouldn't even consider moving elsewhere in Ireland. Maybe we'd have a better life and get more bang for our buck elsewhere? I hate that it can't even be considered.

This is a bit ranty, actually have an amazing relationship with my OH and we spend must of the time cuddling and laughing but I just feel angry and am moody a lot of the time lately and I think the above is why. And every little thing he does irritates me.
I don't feel I'm getting a great standard of living for the investment we put in to get where we are and maybe we could do better elsewhere - I don't like that it doesn't seem to be an option.
I don't feel the need to have a wedding, the urge just isn't there at all. House and kids yes, wedding - why?
I'd like my bf to step outside of his comfort zone every once in a while - even consider living elsewhere in ireland, even outside the m50 to get more value.

I'm just getting angry and just feel like hopping in a plane and living the simple life somewhere. Anyone ever feel like this?

blatantrereg

Yes Dublin has too high a cost of living and it's too crowded. Cost of living is too high in Ireland in general.

CaraMay

Op you said you want a house and kids but not marriage - is that maybe because it would be marrying him? I was in a very similar position with my ex fiancée. He didn't even like leaving Dublin for weekends nevermind travelling or living anywhere else. I found it stifling and ultimately boring. I think realised that I wanted the package but not with him. I found his lack of flexibility very irritating in the end and that, combined with him mapping out our future, just turned me off him.

Think long and hard before you buy a house with this guy. I had similar doubts as you but went ahead - big mistake.

bee06

You need to have a very honest conversation with your boyfriend about where you both see your relationship going and your future to make sure you are on the same page because it sounds like you're not at the moment.

LegacyUser

We live in Dublin, outside the M50, near the coast. Love it, and most visitors are envious of our location. We have the best of both worlds.

You need a long conversation with your boyfriend OP. Doesn't sound like you're on the same page, and you'll only feel more trapped as time goes on. Better to have that talk now than when there are kids or a mortgage involved.

PinkLemonade

OP, have you and your OH discussed marriage? Why are you and your family and friends all waiting for him to pop the question? If it's something you don't want and you think he does then you should have an honest conversation with him.

Could you be frustrated that you feel like your life is in limbo until he asks and you then have to make a decision?

Carson10

Seems like your bored of the relationship. Dont become trapped in the tradational Irish text book life, Turn 30, get married, massive morgage, never go out anymore, kids, bored with your partner/life by 40.

Only you can change your life. Go Travel, move to a different location. He will either go with you or not, but whatever he chooses you will be happier doing what you want.

Lazerwolf

Maybe you can temporarily leave your city and your boyfriend can see if he likes being somewhere else.