Child maintenance

teggers5

I have a 12 year old son. Myself and his Dad split up when he was 3. Since then he has been paying us €40 per week, informally agreed!
I got married two weeks ago and my sons dad has just informed me that he will no longer be financially supporting our child. I am awaiting solicitor to call back. Just wondering other people's thoughts on this in the meantime...

3DataModem

Are you asking what's legal or what's fair? It may be that your new husband and you have a lot more means than your ex, so he feels he shouldn't have to support you.

teggers5

3DataModem wrote: »

Are you asking what's legal or what's fair? It may be that your new husband and you have a lot more means than your ex, so he feels he shouldn't have to support you.

Both I suppose. I can guarantee my ex is not short of money. He has just retired at a young age from a well paying government job. And is in full time employment now.
And he has never financially supported me since we split.
I do think it's unfair he expects my husband to take over his responsibility to his son but still expects me to drive 200 miles every time he takes him for a weekend.

seamus

I guess there's a difference here between supporting you and supporting your child.

If you have shared custody and your ex already pays half of any big costs for the child, then I think its fair that he stops paying any regular maintenance.

On the other hand if that €40 is the only support you see from him, it seems to me that he should continue to pay to look after his child, your husband shouldn't be expected to pick up the full tab for a stepchild, even though he may be happy to.

teggers5

seamus wrote: »

I guess there's a difference here between supporting you and supporting your child.

If you have shared custody and your ex already pays half of any big costs for the child, then I think its fair that he stops paying any regular maintenance.

On the other hand if that €40 is the only support you see from him, it seems to me that he should continue to pay to look after his child, your husband shouldn't be expected to pick up the full tab for a stepchild, even though he may be happy to.

If he had been paying half of big costs since we spilt I'd have no issue whatsoever in stopping the weekly money.
But our son has just finished primary school and only once has his Dad contributed to his school books/uniforms in the past 8 years. Dispite me giving him receipts every year for school stuff.(btw I've only ever expected to receive half the costs from him)
I buy all his clothes/shoes/toys/computer games.
I pay for all his soccer/football/hurling gear and membership costs.

MrWalsh

Go to court and have it formally agreed.

One eyed Jack

MrWalsh wrote: »

Go to court and have it formally agreed.

That's what I was thinking. I'm not sure OP that your ex can just decide he doesn't want to pay maintenance for his child any more because you're now married.

I would definitely wait and see what your solicitor says because there could be guardianship issues arise that could affect whether your ex would be legally obliged to pay maintenance for his child.

Jamaican Me Crazy

Your ex has a legal obligation to maintain the child regardless of your marital status. Go to court and get it regulated.
He will pay a weekly amount towards the childs expenses and normally something towards back to school costs.

Only if your new husband adopts the child would your ex no longer have a legal obligation to financially maintain the child.

Ash.J.Williams

teggers5 wrote: »

Both I suppose. I can guarantee my ex is not short of money. He has just retired at a young age from a well paying government job. And is in full time employment now.
And he has never financially supported me since we split.
I do think it's unfair he expects my husband to take over his responsibility to his son but still expects me to drive 200 miles every time he takes him for a weekend.

instantly stop the driving now and see how he likes it...i would love it if my ex (female) even met me quarter way!

teggers5

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

instantly stop the driving now and see how he likes it...i would love it if my ex (female) even met me quarter way!

Exactly my first thought. From speaking to other mothers in the same situation over the past few years I have been a complete mug doing all that driving.
it was his dad's decision to move so far away from son!
The only thing I'm afraid of is that he will be a prick about returning him home.. that's where the solicitor will help hopefully!

teggers5

Jamaican Me Crazy wrote: »

Your ex has a legal obligation to maintain the child regardless of your marital status. Go to court and get it regulated.
He will pay a weekly amount towards the childs expenses and normally something towards back to school costs.

Only if your new husband adopts the child would your ex no longer have a legal obligation to financially maintain the child.

I thought the same. It's still his son regardless if I'm married or single.
The maintenance goes towards the weekly costs of rearing a child. And it has been a much lower amount than if we had gone to court.
I'm he'd have something to say if the subject of my husband adopting came up.

teggers5

MrWalsh wrote: »

Go to court and have it formally agreed.

I suspect that's the route we'll have to go. I'd rather stay out of court but if he's gonna play dirty it might be the only option...

MrWalsh

teggers5 wrote: »

I suspect that's the route we'll have to go. I'd rather stay out of court but if he's gonna play dirty it might be the only option...

He'll get quite a shock in court I suspect when it becomes clear he has been paying way under the odds.

What kind of man doesnt want to support their own child?

Definitely stop the driving.

teggers5

One eyed Jack wrote: »

That's what I was thinking. I'm not sure OP that your ex can just decide he doesn't want to pay maintenance for his child any more because you're now married.

I would definitely wait and see what your solicitor says because there could be guardianship issues arise that could affect whether your ex would be legally obliged to pay maintenance for his child.

About 6 months after we split up I received a court order in the post with regards to joint custody and guardianship. (We were never married)
It was the first I heard of him requesting it. If he had just asked me we could have sorted it with a commissioner of oath and stayed out of court altogether.
The Judge asked me what my objection to him having joint custody and guardianship. When I said I had none whatsoever he let my ex have it over wasting his time and the court's time!!

teggers5

Just a quick update for anyone interested. I spoke to a solicitor on the phone this morning and explained the situation. First of all my marital status is absolutely nothing to do with my son's dad paying maintenance. He will have to continue paying while our son is in full time education. Secondly I will no longer be meeting him "halfway" with our son on the weekends he's taking him. I have no legal obligation to.
I have a meeting with her next week where she will write a letter to send to him stating the legal facts and hopefully that will be it!
I have a strong feeling he will regret ever trying to pass on the responsibility he has to his son to his stepdad!

Kimbot

teggers5 wrote: »

Just a quick update for anyone interested. I spoke to a solicitor on the phone this morning and explained the situation. First of all my marital status is absolutely nothing to do with my son's dad paying maintenance. He will have to continue paying while our son is in full time education. Secondly I will no longer be meeting him "halfway" with our son on the weekends he's taking him. I have no legal obligation to.
I have a meeting with her next week where she will write a letter to send to him stating the legal facts and hopefully that will be it!
I have a strong feeling he will regret ever trying to pass on the responsibility he has to his son to his stepdad!

Be very careful with this as its an informal agreement you currently have with him, it might not be a legal obligation but him having to collect his child all the time is also not a legal obligation. Simply put the childs father has to maintain his child until he is an adult (18) or finished full time education (This does not include college as far as I remember)

teggers5

jonny24ie wrote: »

Be very careful with this as its an informal agreement you currently have with him, it might not be a legal obligation but him having to collect his child all the time is also not a legal obligation. Simply put the childs father has to maintain his child until he is an adult (18) or finished full time education (This does not include college as far as I remember)

All the arrangements that have been in place the past 8 years were agreed through mediation, including maintenance amount. Most of them I've lived to regret agreeing to but kept quiet for peace sake!
If he does not want to collect him to take him for the weekend, that will be his loss. As it is our son is not overly pushed about going. He'd rather stay at home where his friends and the majority of his family are.
As for education, afaik he will have to pay maintenance up to the age of 23 if our son is in college full time.

Kimbot

teggers5 wrote: »

All the arrangements that have been in place the past 8 years were agreed through mediation, including maintenance amount. Most of them I've lived to regret agreeing to but kept quiet for peace sake!
If he does not want to collect him to take him for the weekend, that will be his loss. As it is our son is not overly pushed about going. He'd rather stay at home where his friends and the majority of his family are.
As for education, afaik he will have to pay maintenance up to the age of 23 if our son is in college full time.

Yes you agreed the half way measure through mediation, unless you go to mediation or court then that has to stay in place. You cant just change your mind and say tough its happening my way or not at all.

My apologies on the maintenance. I remember it used to be 18 and that was it unless they were still in secondry school.

Parents are responsible for maintaining their dependent children up to the child's 18th birthday or up to 23 if the child is in full time education, or would be if maintenance was being paid. If the child has a mental or physical disability to such an extent that it is not reasonably possible for the child to maintain her/himself fully then there is no upper age limit for seeking maintenance for her/his support.

Ash.J.Williams

teggers5 wrote: »

All the arrangements that have been in place the past 8 years were agreed through mediation, including maintenance amount. Most of them I've lived to regret agreeing to but kept quiet for peace sake!
If he does not want to collect him to take him for the weekend, that will be his loss. As it is our son is not overly pushed about going. He'd rather stay at home where his friends and the majority of his family are.
As for education, afaik he will have to pay maintenance up to the age of 23 if our son is in college full time.

I'm male...and to be honest i do all the driving the main reason being....I'm guaranteed not to have my weekend cancelled due to ....head gasket, punctures, car crash....or whatever else can happen to other people...and i get an extra few hours a week with me kid in the car!

teggers5

jonny24ie wrote: »

Yes you agreed the half way measure through mediation, unless you go to mediation or court then that has to stay in place. You cant just change your mind and say tough its happening my way or not at all.

Sorry I meant to say also, the mediation agreement is not legally binding. I asked my ex to go mediation again a couple of years ago to sort some other ongoing issues but he refused.

My apologies on the maintenance. I remember it used to be 18 and that was it unless they were still in secondry school.

Lol no worries. I didn't know myself until the other day. Believe me I've learnt a lot about family law the past few days!!

teggers5

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

I'm male...and to be honest i do all the driving the main reason being....I'm guaranteed not to have my weekend cancelled due to ....head gasket, punctures, car crash....or whatever else can happen to other people...and i get an extra few hours a week with me kid in the car!

I wish my ex thought like you! On the one occasion my car did breakdown on my way to collect my son, his Dad wouldn't even drive an extra 10 miles to help me out but waited, with the child in the car,on the side of the road until I could get to the prearranged collection place.

alibab

I drive half way mediated and ordered by the court 200 km round trip twice a week . It's not ideal but I want kids to have relationship with there dad and it's just another thing I have to do. I got a diesal car in the end as petrol was killing me.

I find keeping money and maintenance issues separate is best as kids need to have a relationship with both parents . Yes go to court sort it out as sounds like he is trying to not support your son but I would be worried re withdrawing access .