Advice - Relationship!

Riddler87

So... I am in a relationship with a lovely and genuine guy (2years and counting). I am out - he is semi out (only out to his close friends).

Lately, I have been struggling with the fact that he's not out to his family. My family have met him and love him as much as I do... However, I am beginning to feel like a very dark shadow with regards to him and his family ie. they don't know I exist. We have gone on holidays and I'm led to believe he's said to them that he's gone on holidays with a "friend"

Anytime I try to talk to him about coming out - he shuts me down and doesn't want to talk about it. We have spoken about it briefly and he is scared about coming out. I am trying to support him as much... but sometimes its just so hard...

Has anyone being in a similar situation and could give advice?

Ten of Swords

OK there's no quick and easy solution here. I understand your frustration at the situation, especially if you have been in a relationship for two years, but you must understand that this is his decision to take and asking him to come out is essentially a lifestyle change that he doesn't want to make right now.

Does he live with his family or does he have his own place? What is his relationship with his parents/siblings like right now and would he risk straining it by coming out? All of these are important factors contributing to his decision. He came out to friends, did he come out to you personally in the past?

Although this is his decision to make it does have a bearing on how you are feeling, you don't like being his secret and you've opened up your life and family to him. What I'm trying to say here is are you prepared to wait for him to move slowly on this given that you have both been in this relationship for so long already, or has it reached a point where this is now a dealbreaker for you? If it is then you need to have a frank and serious discussion about what you both want from the relationship and what you can and cannot expect of each other for the future.

In this type of situation there are limits on how far the relationship can truly progress and I'm guessing that you are feeling a little stuck right now. Getting him to talk about it is the key here, identify his specific fears and if he is willing then the two of you need to try and tackle these fears one by one, otherwise he will remain in the closet to them and assume that everything between you and him is fine.

LegacyUser

Similar situation as myself. 15 years with my OH and met his dad once by accident. Does not bother me that he is not out to his family. I am not going to force him to come out either.

I would probably be the same if my parents were still alive (more my dad.. Would never have been able to come out to him). My other family "know" but have never asked.

He will come out when he feels ready too. The way I look at it I am in love with my OH not his family!

ninty9er

Circumstance plays a big part. Give him time and support.

Riddler87

Thanks all for your comments! Much appreciated.

RagsOBrien

Riddler87 wrote: »

Thanks all for your comments! Much appreciated.

Totally agree with all the above posters. He needs to do it for himself in his own time. My ex- girlfriend pushed me a lot (after a few months) to tell my parents and it was one if the reasons I had to break up with her.