conterception and girlfriend

sanex

i am 26 and have been going out with my girlfriend who is 29 for just over a year now and when we sleep together i always wear a condom even though she is on the pill,but recently she has been saying to me that there is no need to be wearing condoms when she is on the pill,but i would just be nervous by only using one method and i can see she is getting a bit annoyed about this,at what stage of a relationship would must couples just rely on the pill?we have never discussed anything about children yet so maybe i am just to cautious as she said sex without condoms would be some feeling for me but i dont know what to do?any advice please?

bee06

Is the issue that you don't trust her to take the pill correctly?

Diamond Doll

The pill is pretty much 100% effective when taken correctly. Personally I wouldn't be happy to use condoms in a long term relationship - I find that sex is much better for both people involved without them. Obviously you should both get checked first if necessary to make sure there's no nasty diseases lurking. Also have the "what if ..." talk to see if you're in agreement about what you'd do in the case of an unplanned pregnancy, however do bear in mind that she may change her mind about whatever you decide when/if an unplanned pregnancy occurred.

RedXIV

And just to let you know, your other half is right, sex without a condom is amazing!

Ant695

Pill is pretty effective but in some instances not 100% ie if the girl is vomiting its useless for the rest of the month. Should be ok just using it but being aware of things that make it ineffective and take extra precautions in those instances.

Penny Tration

Ant695 wrote: »

Pill is pretty effective but in some instances not 100% ie if the girl is vomiting its useless for the rest of the month. Should be ok just using it but being aware of things that make it ineffective and take extra precautions in those instances.

Erm, it absolutely is not ineffective for the rest of the month if the woman vomits. If the woman vomits or has a dodgy stomach within a few hours, the couple will need to use a condom for a week. Not the rest of the month, which could be anything between one and thirty days!

Op, do you trust her to take the pill? If you trust her, and if she takes it correctly, it's as close to 100% as you can get.

SteM

OP, you've only been going out for a year. All it takes is for her to have a bad day or a dodgy stomach and you could create something that will tie the 2 of you together forever. If you're happy with that then stop using condoms, if not then keep using them.

Penny Tration

SteM wrote: »

OP, you've only been going out for a year. All it takes is for her to have a bad day or a dodgy stomach and you could create something that will tie the 2 of you together forever. If you're happy with that then stop using condoms, if not then keep using them.

There's also the option of not using condoms because you trust your girlfriend to tell you if she's had a bad stomach!

I use the pill. The rules say if you're sick within three hours of taking it, use a barrier method.

Instead, if I'm sick or have a bad tummy within 12 hours (not three), I tell my boyfriend and we abstain.

It's very easy if you trust the person to be responsible.

SteM

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

There's also the option of not using condoms because you trust your girlfriend to tell you if she's had a bad stomach!

I use the pill. The rules say if you're sick within three hours of taking it, use a barrier method.

Instead, if I'm sick or have a bad tummy within 12 hours (not three), I tell my boyfriend and we abstain.

It's very easy if you trust the person to be responsible.

Nothing to do with trust, sometimes people just forget to do things. I don't know why you're bringing your situation into it, are you the OP's girlfriend? Maybe she's a scatty person that forgets things easily, you don't know.

Penny Tration

SteM wrote: »

Nothing to do with trust, sometimes people just forget to do things. I don't know why you're bringing your situation into it, are you the OP's girlfriend? Maybe she's a scatty person that forgets things easily, you don't know.

I'm pointing out that normal, responsible adults are intelligent enough to say 'crap, I was sick, don't wanna be pregnant, better not have sex this week dear.'

It's a very simple matter of trust - either the OP trusts his girlfriend to take it correctly, and tell him if she forgets or is sick, or he doesn't.

Flippyfloppy

SteM wrote: »

Nothing to do with trust, sometimes people just forget to do things. I don't know why you're bringing your situation into it, are you the OP's girlfriend? Maybe she's a scatty person that forgets things easily, you don't know.

Maybe she's not a scatty person...you never know. By your reasoning, if their condoms breaks they should rush off for the morning after pill because the girlfriend probably isn't taking her pill. Therefore what's the point in even taking the pill.

njs030

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

I'm pointing out that normal, responsible adults are intelligent enough to say 'crap, I was sick, don't wanna be pregnant, better not have sex this week dear.'

It's a very simple matter of trust - either the OP trusts his girlfriend to take it correctly, and tell him if she forgets or is sick, or he doesn't.

There's many people who have gotten pregnant on the pill, it's notjust a case of remembering to take it. Even if it's taken perfectly at the same time every day it can still fail for 2-3% of users depending on the brand and it's higher for overweight women. That's hundreds of women every year. Asking if the op trusts his girlfriend to take it is ignoring the other issues with the pill.

Op there is other forms of contraception that are more reliable and have no human error problems, such as implanon, the depo shot or a coil.
Perhaps the ideal solution is to sit down together and discuss what your both comfortable with and research it together.

MissFlitworth

It's whatever you're comfortable with yourselves OP. Some couples keep on using condoms for any sex that they have that they don't want a pregnancy to result from right the way through their relationships. It doesn't mean you think she's untrustworthy or that you suspect she might want to get pregnant i you want to keep using condoms though, it's 100% your choice to manage contraception in a way that you're comfortable with. Same as it's your girlfriends choice to take the pill.

sanex

thanks for all the replys,i do trust my girlfriend and all but i know alot of guys where there girlfriend has become pregnant for various reasons even though they were on the pill,the last thing i want at the moment is to become a dad

seenitall

sanex wrote: »

thanks for all the replys,i do trust my girlfriend and all but i know alot of guys where there girlfriend has become pregnant for various reasons even though they were on the pill,the last thing i want at the moment is to become a dad

Hi OP,

if getting her pregnant would really be the end of the world scenario for you, you'd be well advised to keep using condoms, in addition to the pill. Put it this way, if I didn't want to become a parent (especially in this country), I'd be making very sure I doubled up on protection - it's best to have protection on your end (excuse the pun) as well as hers. Nor would I be relying on anyone's memory and timely pill popping. Too risky for what's at stake. Because what's at stake could well be a probably traumatic trip to England coming to a good several hundred yoyos in cost. And that would, in the case of unwanted pregnancy, perhaps be a preferable option for you!

If your girlfriend is a reasonable young woman who doesn't want to be a mother any time soon, she will understand your concern and agree with it, actually. Anything else would sound kind of odd to me, if I'm honest.

whatdoicare

As a woman who has now been in a twelve year relationship and is married with a child - we used condoms and I was on the pill for pretty much seven of those years. I am not a scatty person but I was really not willing to take the chance of getting pregnant.

We wanted to travel, we hadn't the stability or the financial security. It was not the right time for us. Having a child was not an option.

If it's not the right time for you, then carry on as you are. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise, no contraception is 100% effective, any amount of things can counteract the pills effectiveness - being overweight, being underweight, being sick, diarrhea, taking antibiotics, certain vitamins, recently a certain slimming tea.

But that aside, it doesn't matter if your girlfriend is meticulous about taking the pill and is doing everything right - if you aren't comfortable with not using condoms then don't stop using them. End of.

R.D. aka MR.D

I can't believe how many people are making this into a trust issue.

I take the pill but my partner of over 3 years and I still use condoms every single time. The pill is not 100% safe. Condoms are not 100% safe. But together they give me peace of mind because I know it's extremely unlikely to result in an unwanted pregnancy.

Nothing to do with trust, it's all about avoiding risk. Better safe than sorry!

DoYouEvenLift

Ask her if she'd get the bar, then there'd be no worries

OneOfThem

sanex wrote: »

been going out with my girlfriend who is 29 for just over a year... i would just be nervous by only using one method and i can see she is getting a bit annoyed about this... never discussed anything about children ...a lot of guys where there girlfriend has become pregnant for various reasons even though they were on the pill... last thing i want at the moment is to become a dad

First off, definitely have a discussion on her thoughts on children. Does she want them? If so when would she want them? If not now, then what would be her intentions in the case of a contraception failure/accidental pregnancy?

If she does become pregnant, at that point you cease to have any control over whether or not you become a Dad.

Condoms are the only influence you have directly on that at any point. If you stop using them, the responsibility for, and the decision and the control over, whether or not she gets pregnant/you become a Dad, becomes her's alone from the time you stop using them. If you're not completely comfortable with that set up for any reason, then don't allow yourself to be pressured into it.

irishdude11

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

I can't believe how many people are making this into a trust issue.

I take the pill but my partner of over 3 years and I still use condoms every single time. The pill is not 100% safe. Condoms are not 100% safe. But together they give me peace of mind because I know it's extremely unlikely to result in an unwanted pregnancy.

Nothing to do with trust, it's all about avoiding risk. Better safe than sorry!

Agree with that. But even if looking at it from the trust angle...he's being going out with her for a year. A year is nothing, you don't fully know someone after a year. There are endless threads on this forum where someone's partner breached their trust...

This isn't like trusting her not to kiss some other guy on a night out where the consequences of this breach of trust is the end of the relationship. If she breached his trust with respect to the pill and purposely got pregnant, as can happen, he is tied to her for LIFE and has a financial obligation running into probably hundreds of thousands of euro before all is said and done.

Chemical Byrne

Op if a baby would be a total catastrophe for you then you must listen to your gut, it's usually right - keep using the condoms. It dreadfully bad form for her to be telling you to dispense with them. If genders were reversed and you were telling her to stop taking the pill, how would she feel about it?

You have a right to decide on your own contraception. Do not be bullied into anything by her.

In my situation, I trust my gf fully she is a very up front and honest person in my view but still, even though she uses a nuvaring, I would not take the chance on omitting a condom. I've never been asked to but it is a red line issue with me that I will not compromise on for any reason.

Sex without condoms does feel much better, however if becoming a father is such an issue for you, then you will just have to keep using them.

sanex

after reading all your advice i think for my own peace of mind i am going to stay using condoms,even though we get on great and everything trust is a big thing and the last thing i need now is a baby comming along and being tied for life,just to young for this at the moment

arayess

I was in the OP's position. ditched condoms for the pill alone.
Just bare in mind there is risk cos it happened to me.

16 years later great son - poisonous ex still getting on my nerves and sticking her beak in.

Only you OP can make the decision but bare in my this is always risk
There is risk with anything though.

Anybody who makes this a trust issue is a fool and should be treated with contempt.

LegacyUser

I've been in a relationship for a decade. Even though I was on the pill the entire time, my BF only stopped using condoms when we decided to try for our baby.

I was cool with that as I have a few friends who wish they'd done the same. One girl was on holiday, got sick one night and the pill obvs didn't work and she got pregnant. Another girl swears blind she never forgot a pill and wasn't sick and still got pregnant. Her boyfriend didn't believe her, which caused her enormous distress.

I never forgot a pill, but I couldn't swear with 100% certainty that that would never happen, if for example I was getting ready for a night out and forgot to take it in the excitement of rushing to make the taxi, and then forgetting later on to take it cos I was hammered. The condom was definately peace of mind for me.

Don't let her make it into a trust issue - "do you not trust me, then?" Bollocks to that. Sidestep that accusation like Nijinsky. You just want to be sure to be sure, thats all. No biggie. Lets not make anything of it, you'd just prefer to wrap it up.

Neyite

Mod:

Please remember, no medical advice.

OP, maybe the best thing is to make an appointment with a family planning clinic and the two of you discuss contraception options that may suit you both.

Contessa Raven

My partner and I used condoms and the pill for years as becoming parents just wasn't an option for us. We were in college, we were unemployed and still living at home etc. Now, I still take the pill but we only use condoms if my pill is at risk of being ineffective (due to illness etc.) The difference is now we're in a more stable stage and we know that a pregnancy wouldn't be the end of the world. Really, it's up to you and what you're most comfortable with but please do not let her manipulate you into something you do not want.

zeffabelli

sanex wrote: »

i am 26 and have been going out with my girlfriend who is 29 for just over a year now and when we sleep together i always wear a condom even though she is on the pill,but recently she has been saying to me that there is no need to be wearing condoms when she is on the pill,but i would just be nervous by only using one method and i can see she is getting a bit annoyed about this,at what stage of a relationship would must couples just rely on the pill?we have never discussed anything about children yet so maybe i am just to cautious as she said sex without condoms would be some feeling for me but i dont know what to do?any advice please?

I would tell her you'd feel better not using condoms is she chose a method that had much less wiggle room for human error.

Not a trust issue, a fact.