Parents

LegacyUser

I'm looking for some feedback/advice.

Background:

I'm 26 with a history of mental and physical disabilities. I recently dropped out of college because it got too much for me. I live by myself and work part time. I ask for nothing from my parents. I've been questioning if I am a bad egg or if my parents are at least somewhat to blame for me being in the position I am in.

I caused as much agro as any 'normal' teenager. Although, I never smoked, drank or did drugs to the nature of my disability. I grew up needing major surgeries, and although my parents did care for me and looked after me, they were also very heavy handed.

In recent years, they haven't bothered to show up to my graduation. They never come to the hospital when I have an appointment with my specialist. They could go weeks without contacting me, even though they live around the corner from me. They also left me alone for weeks on end when I in a high state of depression, even on Christmas Day. They know nothing nothing about my life. They also didn't seem to bat an eyelid when I dropped out of college because I was so depressed.

I can't look at my 'father' when he his talking to me, I just feel horrible when I am around him. My relationship with my mother is a bit better, but not much. I know it's the little things, but she didn't bother to hang my degree transcript, which I think I worked to get, considering all things.

They have also taunted me when my ex and I broke up, saying nasty stuff. I feel like if I left this country tomorrow and never came back, they wouldn't care. I feel like I am to blame for my situation.

Any thoughts?

Thanks everyone

ordinary_girl

Being completely honest, and I don't mean for this to sound harsh or anything, but your post is a little confusing. Do you know what you want from your relationship with your parents, or do you even want one at all? You say they go weeks without contacting you, but do you ever put in the effort to contact them? You said that they know nothing about your life, but you expected them to show up for your graduation and to know when you have hospital appointments? It's much less about who's to blame for this situation, and more about are willing to change the situation or leave it as is.

You're 26, most people's relationship with their parents change when they get older. I know you have mental and physical disabilities but you have a job and a place to live, you're not dependent on your parents any more. It sort of seems like you expect them to just know when you are encountering issues and to be there for you, but you don't seem to actually tell them about your issues or put anything into your relationship with them.

LegacyUser

I agree with ordinarygirl. the relationship between an adult and their parents is an adult relationship, with more give and take than that between a child and their parents. Most parents hope that by the time their son/daughter is in their mid-twenties, that they would be independent (like you are), living away from home and working.
If you feel like you want a better relationship with them, you need to make an effort with them too. For example, if they left the country tomorrow and never came back, would you miss them? At this stage, they don't really owe you anything, and if you feel like you need them or need their help, the onus is really on you to contact them. You can't reasonably expect them to 'parent' you at this stage of your life.