Persist or run?

LegacyUser

i had being seeing this girl. We got on grand. I told her this was my first serious relationship, to which she said this isn't serious. I meant that she was the first girl I was with that I really liked.
She has had a long relationship in the past where she had 2 kids. He is no longer in the picture.
Anyways, she finished it. Then saw me out a few weeks later. We ended up back together. She finished it again. She basically wasn't into it as much as I was.
I went no contact. She would back in contact again. Asking me to call out. I ignored her for the first few weeks. She contacted again. I called out. We got intimate. Kind off... Kinda kissed. Left confused.
Her and the kids were heading off on holidays. I asked her the day before she was due to leave for a chat. She couldn't. Asked her to get me cigarettes. She said she would.
She got back. Text me to say she got them and to call out. Had a few glasses of wine and a joint! .(Don't judge... She's a great mother) got intimate but didn't even kiss. Had a chat and looked for clarification which she really didn't give
She started saying that she really likes me. That I did this to her before! The last time she claimed she hadn't smiled like this in 7 years! (Seduce her?) she basically started saying that she is falling for me. That it's inevitable. That she sees herself falling within weeks if not days.
Next day, there were a few texts back and forth. No mention of what was said. That was it for a few days!
So last fri I text her. See how she was getting on. She said she was out and to join her. She was out with her friend who I know and some lad who I don't. Didn't go into her. Was in late bar later. And she and her friend walked by and stopped to talk to us. My friend was talking to her and I was talking to her friend. I was looking a bit shocked excited to see her. Followed them out to smoking area. Said hello to her. Small bit of chit chat. Then she goes... "U do know there's, nothing going on with us?". To which I replied..."thank you... Thanks for letting me know where I stand!".
She then went "seriously, I don't know how many times I have to say it to you!"

I flipped... I started saying "if that's the case, leave me alone... If she is not interested... To leave me alone! She goes why am I doing this to myself to which I replied "I'm not doin anything, you are doing it to yourself.... I tried to walk away a number of times and you keep getting in contact! I tried to make it easy for u but you are doing this to yourself. If you don't like me... Don't tell me that you really really like me." I went on to say that she said what she said earlier in the week and I know she might put it down to being inebriated and high but she still said it. Said it again to leave me alone if she is not interested. Stop leading me on and playin me to which she replied she wasn't. You fcuking are! I said. She was shocked.... I never spoke to her that way before. I said goodbye and went to walk away and she said I don't have to go. That was it. I walked away.

Hadn't heard anything for a few days then on Tuesday night, I get a message from her on Facebook askin if I was up. Hadn't seen the message for 30 mins and replied just sayin "Ya"! That was it... Nothing since. We are not friends on Facebook. I defriended her when it finished. But obviously our thread is still there. Sending me a message on Facebook might suggest she deleted my number.
I like this girl because I think she likes me. She is 39 and I'm 34. She is lonely by her own admission! And as I said... I kept trying to walk away! I haven't being pleading with her to take me back. But I keep entertaining the idea of getting back with her because I know she likes me. I just think (and hope) she is afraid to admit it. I think of all the what ifs!

But she still said that about falling for me....

Why would she say this and then say she's not interested???

Is she there or there abouts where I should make more of an effort??? Or should I run? I just don't want to miss out on this girl because of uncertainty.

jopax

Hi op,

You sound like a very nice guy, and too good to be treated like this.

Move on and find a genuine woman who won't mess you around or play head games.

There are a lot of wonderful women out there, be careful with your choice, it will be worth it.

Move on, put it down to experience & be happy.

Nervous Wreck

Yep, she's using you . For comfort, sex, whatever it is. Move on.

vertmann

I thought I was back in first year of secondary school when I read this. This is the sort of nonsense that immature 13 year olds get up to. It is obvious to me anyway that this woman doesn't want you. She wants to be wanted by you which is not the same thing at all. There's a very obvious pattern here. You get closer, then she cuts you off. Then she reels you in again, then cuts you off. She knows you've got the hots for her and that's a tremendous position of power for her to be in. This is because you're letting her. If you were serious about cutting contact with her you would've blocked her number on your phone and blocked her on Facebook. I wonder is part of you as addicted to this drama as she is. If you want to persist with this on/off head wrecking behaviour then go right on ahead. While you're wasting your time with this dead-end of an arrangement you're missing out on the chance of meeting nice normal women who don't behave like this.

Payton

Run...as fast as you can and dont look back.
I was in something similar a while ago. Basically she dictated how the the relationship was going. Blowing hot and cold, not being able to plan anything and then no contact for a couple of weeks.
It's all about control...she wants to reel you in if and when she feels like it and don't be surprised if your not the only one being strung along.
Take the control back and block her on your phone and Facebook and don't look back. Life is too short for that crap, go find someone with no drama who sees you for who you are.
Some creatures are beyond saving.
Best of luck.

Diamond Doll

She sounds like a headwreck who's only using you for an ego-boost. I think you should cut all ties, otherwise you're only going to end up hurt.

OneOfThem

She doesn't want you, she just wants you to want her.

orthsquel

Cut ties and never look back OP. TBH I think alcohol is playing a role in this, which probably has something to do with some of the comments she made... if you do meet her, don't engage her after drinks at all, I think it will just maintain the confusion, and both of you should really only engage eachother while stone cold sober (and not high either).

In any case, this sort of hot and cold game playing is a headwreck, I suspect there's a load of baggage in there, quite soon after a long term relationship on her side (and probably on rebound), you are better off finding someone that bit more emotionally available who isn't out to play games.

edit - just noticed you used "hopeless romantic" as guest user name.... that might describe you, but it doesn't describe the situation at all, it's not a romantic or romance, it's a nightmare.

LegacyUser

Hi... OP here. So.... Run Yee are saying... Nobody of the opinion that maybe, she isn't sure? That she was actually starting to like me? Anyone? Anyone have similar experience?

Payton

Hopeless romcom wrote: »

Hi... OP here. So.... Run Yee are saying... Nobody of the opinion that maybe, she isn't sure? That she was actually starting to like me? Anyone? Anyone have similar experience?

Honestly no..She seems a bit unstable as to what she wants. Maybe time on her own and sort her own life out before getting involved with someone else and making a mess of there's also.
The way she is behaving is not normal....she's needy...she's unclear what she actually wants from herself! She likes drama by what you have posted and to be honest nobody needs that in a relationship. So where is the part that she might actually like you in your first post?

LegacyUser

Payton wrote: »

So where is the part that she might actually like you in your first post?

Where I said she said that she really really likes me and that she can't help herself falling for me....

Why would you say that then say you're not interested? I just want to know, has anyone felt something for someone but was afraid to admit it!

Ande1975

Hopeless romantic wrote: »

Where I said she said that she really really likes me and that she can't help herself falling for me....

Why would you say that then say you're not interested? I just want to know, has anyone felt something for someone but was afraid to admit it!

Sorry OP but nope never. Doesn't matter if you are a guy or a girl, if you really want to be with someone you'd say it to that person.
When they don't say it, it means they are just not into you. Walk away from this headwreck. She loves the attention and drama and you are giving it to her in spades. Spare yourself and your dignity and walk away.

People who act this way at this age are emotionally immature. I know! I was on both sides of that fence.

LegacyUser

Hopeless romantic wrote: »

Where I said she said that she really really likes me and that she can't help herself falling for me....

Why would you say that then say you're not interested? I just want to know, has anyone felt something for someone but was afraid to admit it!

Op she's a user and a head wreck. She's all talk and no trousers. If she was interested she wouldn't be messing you around so much. She loves the drama and the control and you are playing right into her hands.
Seriously if you hadn't put your ages in the post I would have thought you were teenagers but you are both in your 30's and she's a mother !!!!!! It just goes to show that some people never grow up.
Move on delete her off your Fb and cut all contact with her, life is too short to be dealing with headaches like her!

orthsquel

Hopeless romantic wrote: »

I just want to know, has anyone felt something for someone but was afraid to admit it!

I have felt something for someone and was afraid to admit it, yes. Because I wasn't sure if they felt the same about me, or whether I was just a colleague they could have banter with. Even if they liked me, they never made a move either. A wasted opportunity on both sides, certainly a lesson learned.

BUT the difference is, neither that other person, nor I, played games with eachother. There wasn't this same behaving like more than friends and then saying to the face "there's nothing going on between us" like your lady friend is doing. I have been where you are, with someone else (than the person I mentioned), and I got very, very hurt because I hadn't a clue what was going on, where I stood, the behaviour was more than friends in what we did, but it was all dismissed as "nothing more to it" than that. I was certain they liked me and were afraid to admit it for whatever reason..... but you know what, it was a complete head wreck. And it was a waste of my time too. I felt like I was played like an idiot with manipulative games, while wasting opportunities with others, fecked up emotionally, losing my confidence and self esteem in having my head wrecked. It is just not worth pursuing this girl whatsoever.

You only really should be pursuing something if actually they sit down with you, have a conversation and lay their cards on the table about how they feel about you. They may never do this, or may only do this after you have moved on with someone else, just to sabotage a new relationship, pretend they want to be with you, and then huff and puff hot and cold, same again as you have already been treated, telling you you're just friends.

tbh cut your loses, move on, meet someone better who won't play games. Looking back at that colleague I liked and was sure they liked me, I regret I never acted on it specifically with that person, but at least they treated me with respect and didn't play games with like others have, or like your lady friend is doing. And that is a bit of a comfort tbh, that while I lost the opportunity, at least that person was decent enough to not mess me about.