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stuck in a rut

  • 04-07-2015 8:39am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all. Guy here, 30 yo. Went through a tough breakup 6 months ago. It was a short relationship but i really fell for this person. Initially i was distraught, cut contact more or less straight away. Hurt Subsided somewhat but still clouds my thoughts constantly. She's moved on.

    Anyway, I'm six months down the road and although the panic has faded, i have a constant cloud hanging over my thoughts.I'm still getting pangs of regret and hurt now and again. Some days I dissect the relationship almost constantly, trying to figure out what went wrong and what could i have done differently. Now and again it gets overwhelming, huge feelings of anxiety flood the system. I think I've only cried once or twice as an adult before this but this puts me to tears regularly.

    I'm keeping busy to avoid these ruminations. I exercise and that takes my mind off it but that's temporary, I'm at the limit of what exercise i can physically do in a day and ruminations creep back. It seems like I'm trying to solve a problem that has no solution and these remedies treat the symptoms not the cause.

    Not looking for medical advice, just wondering if others have had this hurt linger for so long and how you managed.


Comments

  • #2
    orthsquel
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 563 ✭✭✭orthsquel


    You're dwelling on an experience which allows you to pick it apart and make yourself miserable over, and allowing for yourself to sit on unsolvable issues. It's really not healthy and you are aware of that.

    While you have done well keeping yourself busy, it sounds to me like you are falling back and holding onto an old experience.... what you should be doing is enjoying new experiences, new experiences that you can enjoy and reflect back on with something positive, rather than an old experience that allows you to reflect negatively on.

    It doesn't necessarily have to be going back to dating, but you can probably give yourself some opportunity in having new experiences with people even just in taking day trips to somewhere nice. Even for the experience of it itself, seeing a different place maybe where you haven't been before and it being meaningful an experience to you. Then at least you can reflect on that, rather than an old experience that makes you feel negative about yourself, that creates self doubt and lingers negatively on you.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP here. Thanks orthsquel for your really helpful insight. I agree 100%. I haven't been putting in new experiences that distance myself emotionally from the old relationship. Indeed, new ones have been clouded by thoughts of how much i would love to share them with someone i was crazy about. That's getting less and less.

    I suppose a lot of things i loved before are a bit tainted because they remind me and lead to the aforementioned negative thoughts. New and fresh pastimes might be required, or at least variants of the old that can help with the emotional distance.


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