Completely stressed in work, need some advice

LegacyUser

Hi All,

About a year ago, I was offered a promotion in work as my manager left for another position. It's quite a senior position, and given my age (I'm only a few years out of college), it was seen as a major win for me by family and friends, so I accepted.

Now, 12 months on, I feel the boss is expecting more and more of me, and then I get given out to when I don't deliver on the extra stuff (or the original stuff as I've been focusing on the new stuff). I'm not trying to sound precious, I have no problem getting a bollocking when I've f-cked up, but now it's got to the point where I dread going to work, and when my phone beeps with an email my stomach sinks as my first thought is always "sh!t, I hope it's not the boss, what did I do now, no, I got everything done yesterday, or could it be..." My mind goes into overdrive.

I'm not eating properly, I find it hard to sleep (mind starts racing again once I lie in bed) and can't even enjoy a few pints, I'm constantly checking back on work stuff in my head. I'm still in my 20s ffs. This shouldn't be my life!!

I have genuinely given it my all to try and reach the expectations that they want, but I just can't do it anymore. I need to get out and have a decents night sleep!

Sorry for rambling above, but I really just needed to get that off my chest. My question is - if I was to just sat f-ck it in the morning and leave, what do you think the chances are of the social welfare waiving the 9 week wait for voluntarily leaving your job? I have no intention of staying on welfare, but I really feel the best option for me would be to spend 2/3 weeks doing sfa before looking for another job (and judging by irishjobs.ie, there are 100s of positions in my field, so I shouldn't have too much difficulty finding another one).

but then I also have the added complication of what do I tell the new employer? Why did I quit? If I say I couldn't handle it, surely there first thought will be "well we don't need someone who can't handle their sh!t here, good luck"

Any advice or thoughts would be most appreciated.

Thanks!

Foggy.nelson

Could you take a 2 week holiday then look for a job from your current job.. maybe talk to your boss too, but that might only work if he's approachable which doesn't come across from your post

Taltos

It's always better to find another job while you're employed if you can stick it out. That way there are no odd gaps to try to explain and no hit to your rent/mortgage.

In the meantime maybe talk to your GP or speak to a counsellor to help you deal with the stress and to a career specialist to help you focus your job searches.

lazygal

I wouldn't quit until you've found another job. I was a bit like you after I finished college and started my first job. While I was capable and good at the role, I had a nightmare boss. I stuck it out and jobhunted before and during taking holiday leave, and eventually got into a better role. I think its very normal to find it challenging in your first more responsible job after college. A lot of my friends were in the same boat.

alias06

Tell your boss you are stressed and finding it hard to cope. You have nothing to lose by doing this. You might be surprised by how supportive he/she will be. People appreciate being taken into confidence like that. Tell him/her you are getting stressed and this is leading to more mistakes and more stress and you need help to get things under control. If you have a HR department you could talk to them. Are there colleagues In work you could talk to? Basically you need to start looking for support wherever you can find it.

Do you think your boss is being unfair to you or do you think you just aren't able to cope?

Don't do anything in a panic like quit your job. Everyone gets stressed at times, it happens the best of us. Consider all your options carefully.

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Thanks for the replies so far.

Regarding holidays - the nature of the job means that I can't take holidays for at least another month and a half - only one of us can be off at a time (which tbh I've no issue with, the business needs to run smoothly) and ive just looked at the holiday planner and its booked up for the next 5 weeks

Regarding talking to the boss or HR - I haven't approached the boss - I know from how they have dealt with others that they can be completely unreasonable so I genuinely don't think that would help matters. I have spoken to HR - while I haven't gone into the depth I've gone into here as I don't want it getting back, (HR Mnabager and I would be on the same level, but different departments) their response was along the lines of "ah sure that's what he's like, be grand" which if it is, fine, but I can't deal with it. I'm at breaking point.

Thanks for the advice about the GP - that's a good idea that I didn't even think of. I'll try and get in soon as. I'm also gonna start firing out CVs and see what I get back I will try and hold out as long as I can, but I really don't know how much longer I can stick this, and aside from anything else, it's bad for company. I know that now I'm not even performing to my best because I'm so stressed and thinking about other things, and not work.

Thanks again, appreciate you all taking the time

Goldenlady

Can you sit down and have a chat with your boss? Do you have personal development reviews? Maybe ask for one? Find out what their expectation is of you, it could possibly be a case that they believe you are handling the pressure very well and just keep loading the work on! I have seen this so many times in my role. My suggestion would be to be honest, they chose you to do the role as they felt you were capable - you must be good at what you do, and dont let the pressure drag you down.


My two cents is chat with them, see if there is an option of getting some work off loaded, do you manage a team that you can delegate to?

alias06

Stressed in work wrote: »

Regarding talking to the boss or HR - I haven't approached the boss - I know from how they have dealt with others that they can be completely unreasonable so I genuinely don't think that would help matters. I have spoken to HR - while I haven't gone into the depth I've gone into here as I don't want it getting back, (HR Mnabager and I would be on the same level, but different departments) their response was along the lines of "ah sure that's what he's like, be grand" which if it is, fine, but I can't deal with it. I'm at breaking point.

If this is true and you are really at breaking point then you need to tell HR that. Then it's their job to help you get things under control. Perhaps you could take sick leave. Look, if you are stressed then you are stressed. It happens all the time. I'm sure it has happened to lots of others in your organisation and your HR department will have dealt with this before. You aren't the first and you won't be the last to get stressed out. You are still a good and capable person. You just need some extra support right now. Take control by putting your hands up and saying 'I need some help here'. Most people will want to help you.

FizzleSticks

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Carmel321

I agree with the good advice given above. Been through it. Definitely keep notes of dates and times of unreasonable attitude of others towards you especially the boss. Talk to your boss. If need be talk to him with someone from HR sitting in. If the situation goes on for too long you will find yourself mentally exhausted and depressed and its already affecting your sleep and eating habits, Lifes not worth it. You say there are plenty of jobs in your field so at least you have options.

Try and get some professional advice on how to approach the boss, you'd be surprised that when a bully( that's what he/they sound like) is taken to task how they will back down. You will need to have you points well rehearsed.

You sound like a capable with it person so best of luck, you can do it.