House Vs Boyfriend

LegacyUser

Am househunting, & have fallen in love with a period house.
It's in need of a lot of renovation (rewiring, replumbing, insulating, knocking a shoddy extension at the back, ect)
I've been advised by a builder that it could cost £80-100k to bring up to scratch, and an architect that it'd be more towards £200k.
My boyfriend likes nothing about it- thinks it's old, it's going to be a huge amount of work, and it'll turn into a money pit! He was burnt in the Celtic Tiger boom& has a property in severe negative equity, so is quite wary.
Now, the house in its' current state has been lived in for years by an elderly couple, and rented out the last 3 years to a young couple....so technically it's liveable as it stands today. Maybe not the most modern of places, but liveable. (ie: I'd be happy enough to wait a few years & renovate once I get some more funds together)
I've seen loads of other houses (about 20 in total), mostly in turn-key condition, but can't get attached to them.
So, am I being silly& emotional about this house? Do I ignore my bf's feelings& advise about it& put in a bid regardless? (I'll be paying the mortgage on my own whatever property is chosen)

R.D. aka MR.D

Will your boyfriend be paying anything at all towards this house?

If not, then I'm not really sure that he gets a veto. You might have to sit down and talk about it and what it would mean for your future if you are at that stage. Consider his feelings, obviously but don't give him final say. It's your money, your house.

Diamond Doll

First of all - I'm not sure of the technicalities, and am open to correction here by someone more knowledgeable, but I'm pretty sure I've read here before that - if he moves into the house with you - he'll have a part-entitlement to the property after X number of years, even if he doesn't pay towards it.

That aside, I think that your boyfriend is absolutely right, it sounds like a nightmare. Sometimes the "dream house" isn't the right house. I think you'd be far better off buying a house in good condition - even if you're not in love with it - and make it your own, with your own personal touches. In my opinion, when it comes to house-hunting, it's really best to put your head over your heart when making these decisions.

Also ... put yourself in your boyfriend's shoes. The fact that you're even considering this house when he's dead set against it must be quite hurtful towards him. It implies either that you don't see a future living together - or, if you do - you don't and won't let him have any input into your future shared home. If the intention is that he'll live there too, then it should feel like home for both of you, even if you're the only one paying the mortgage.

Can I ask, why are you choosing to buy by yourself, rather than getting a mortgage as a couple?

If it's purely for practical reasons (i.e. his negative equity) and if - ideally - you'd be getting the mortgage together if you could, then my own feeling is that he should have a good bit of input into which house you buy.

However if it's your choice to buy alone ... would you consider holding off buying for a couple of years until you see where your relationship is going?

power pants

Your decision in the end but teh builder thinks 80-100k so you can probably double that. The achitect thinks nearer 200k so basically nobody really knows for certain which does mean "money pit"

If you had the money ready and could afford to pump it in, Id say go for it but if you need to save years and unsure of future funding I would be very wary.

Rubberchikken

it sounds like a great house and i would have loved to do just what you're writing about when i was younger and had the energy but sadly it didn't happen. but maybe that was for the best. looking back i realise that the amount of money and time and effort would have been horrendous.

you have to look at this with your head, not your heart. you could be making a decision that will eat up every cent you ever earn and every minute ofyour time for the forseeable future.

if your bf isn't happy with it now but comes around and you both move in, what happens in the future re his part of the ownership? would you be willing to see, maybe at a lss, to pay him his share. there are a lot of complications and they need to be thought through.

good luck

HelgaWard

Have just concluded a mammoth house search and eventually have gone sale agreed on a property. We looked at a couple of period properties. In one, somebody had already commenced renovating it, as in stripped everything back, which didn't suit us as we needed to move into it as soon as we bought it. The other sounds in a similar condition to the one you are thinking about buying. We could move into it and slowly do it up. We went for a 2nd viewing with a builder and a building surveyor. The surveyor had previously lived in a house on the same street. My husband was in love with the property I really liked it too, but we are looking for a family home with extra space for a playroom for our kids. This house offered all the space, but because we did not have the available €s to do a big refurb on it in one go, we figured we would have spent the entirety of the kids childhood piecemeal renovating room by room. We would be no sooner finished all the rooms, than the first one would need redoing. We don't have much extra money at the end of every month, so we thought the house would just seep every little bit of spare cash we had. And if there was a big urgent problem, we simply would not have the moeny to deal with it/ Plus the BER rating was brutal so even just heating the 3-4 story place would have been a nightmare. Plus you have to factor in all the time and energy it takes to decide what you want to do, source all the products you need and line up workmen. With 2 full time jobs and 2 kids we realised we didn't have the time or energy to do all this. Plus the surveyor who lived on the street previously totally put us off, he said they had their place looking class but try watching telly on a saturday night with the wind swirling up through the old (although preferctly restored and beautiful looking) floorboards and he said there was just no comfort in it.

So in summary if you have the means to get the place the way you want it, go for it. If you don't think long and hard about how you will actually be able to make it happen.

Best of luck.

hlkjhlkj

There are two questions here:

hlkjhlkj wrote: »

am I being silly& emotional about this house?

hlkjhlkj wrote: »

technically it's liveable as it stands today. Maybe not the most modern of places, but liveable. (ie: I'd be happy enough to wait a few years & renovate once I get some more funds together)

From what you say, I understand the cost of the house will take up all of your current deposit and mortgage. I am house hunting myself and I would never consider buying a house that requires up to €200k of modernisation when I don't have at least €50k to start with the work.

For example, if a house was, say, €200k and I had a €100k deposit, I would get a mortgage for €150k and invest the remaining €50k in the house immediately.

It seems you will not have the money to do anything major with the house for a long time. In the meantime it will deteriorate.

hlkjhlkj wrote: »

My boyfriend likes nothing about it- thinks it's old, it's going to be a huge amount of work, and it'll turn into a money pit! He was burnt in the Celtic Tiger boom& has a property in severe negative equity, so is quite wary ... Do I ignore my bf's feelings& advise about it& put in a bid regardless?

Without knowing whether or not you will be expecting your boyfriend to live in the house with you, it's difficult to answer this question.

If this place would be his home too, there is a lot to consider ... not least of which is the fact that in a five years, he would acquire rights to the home you've been paying the mortgage for.

If, however, you will not be living together, then he is simply offering advice, this is not about his "feelings", you just have to decide if you want to take his advice or not.

Emme

OP where is the house? Is it in a area where you would get a significant return on your investment if you did up the house? If not forget it. Do you see yourself living alone in a huge expensive house? Or would you rather live in a cosy turn-key house with your boyfriend. If it was me I'd go for the latter.

Forget the period house unless you really really love it. By that I mean you would be happy to spend your holidays there as well as live there. If you buy it you will end up sinking ALL your money into it, wear two sweaters and a ski jacket INSIDE in the winter because of the cold and you might not be able to afford socializing, weekends away or holidays. All of this on your own without your boyfriend. If the house is in a rural area you might never meet anyone else again and you could be stuck in an area with unfriendly neighbours who do nothing more than grunt no matter how long you are living in the area. You would soon come to hate the house you love now. Hate it with a passion.

Is a period house worth this sacrifice?

If I had this dilemma I would choose a turn-key house and forget the money pit.

CaraMay

What will your boyfriends input be?

OneOfThem

Is this a house for you, and your boyfriend is just giving his opinion? Or is this intended to be a home you are moving into together to share your lives in?

If it's the latter I'm a little shocked you think completely ignoring your boyfriends feelings and just putting in a bid is a viable option...

You mentioned you will be paying the mortgage - will your boyfriend be contributing financially in other ways? Paying the bills? Contributing to the costs of the needed renovations?

Either way if it is going to be his home too. No... of course you shouldn't ignore his feelings on where his home shall be... You know your boyfriend best... but if it was me in his position, and my feelings were simply disregarded/over ruled on a serious life decision such as this, I'd be wondering whether this was a sign of things to come. I'd be seriously reconsidering the relationship.

Or to put it another way, you were looking for a family home together, one house you liked absolutely nothing about and your boyfriend knew that, and the next day you met up he said "Oh you know that house you absolutely didn't want to move into? Yeah, tough, deals done, I'm paying the mortgage so you'll live where I say we'll live, go get your bags packed." ... What would you think?

If on the other hand it is just your house for you. Then sure go with what you want.

freshpopcorn

When your buying a house you need to use your heart and head. You've to figure out what it will cost and will you be able to afford it in the long run if it required a lot of work. Will you mind living on a construction site for months, will you mind having to sacrifice holidays in order to renovate the house. One thing I do do know about people doing up old houses is be prepared for unexpected surprises once you start to ronocate.

TwoShedsJackson

Don't get emotionally attached to a house before you buy it - this is a business decision you are making and letting your heart overrule your head could end up costing you tens of thousands.

Eric Cartman

I personally love old houses. Always wanted to own an old country manor or some such, a lot of people really don't get this. trust me even with 200k work , something built in 1890 is a lot more likely to be around in 100 years than something built in 2004. What type of house does he want , if he's one of these 'modern or else' type people it may be worth trying to find something that already has work done, or go and get an architect to do you up some models of what it could look like with some work, he might just not have an eye for what could be.