How about this dilemma?

6541

So I was invited as a +1 to a wedding by an old flame. We have messed around on and off over the years. I know her since I was a kid, she has looked on at my relationships over the years. Never actually slept together. The wedding was great. The day after was brilliant. I totally get her, she gets me. I screwed up with her about two years ago when she asked me to make a commitment and I didn't. She since has moved to Oz, I know if she was in Ireland we would be together. I am at that funny age of 37 and would love to settle and have kids. I have a career. She leaves tomorrow. What can I do ! Feck Australia it has taken some of our best.

Mr. Incognito

Tell her ?

6541

As I left yesterday I said if you were in Ireland we would be a couple. She replied that I had my chance and then we just embraced and I walked away. It was heartbreaking.

Nabber

Means nothing. She is single you are single.
It's only over when you stop trying, someone beats you to it or she makes it clear no means no.
Sadly most give up before the no or other man!!!

Good luck op. Just make sure you are not back here in 10 years with a 'I messed up a chance at love/happiness thread'

6541

Nabber wrote: »

Means nothing. She is single you are single.
It's only over when you stop trying, someone beats you to it or she makes it clear no means no.
Sadly most give up before the no or other man!!!

Good luck op. Just make sure you are not back here in 10 years with a 'I messed up a chance at love/happiness thread'

Wise words but what can one do she has a career on the other side of the world and so do I on this side of the world.

ColeTrain

6541 wrote: »

She replied that I had my chance

That sounds like a harsh enough statement to make tbh. Life isn't clear cut, if she wanted to be with you she wouldn't be counting 'the chances you had'.

Mr. Incognito

On your deathbed will you regret leaving her go or the flipping job you eijit.

Colser

ColeTrain wrote: »

That sounds like a harsh enough statement to make tbh. Life isn't clear cut, if she wanted to be with you she wouldn't be counting 'the chances you had'.

I get whet she means ...she was turned down by the OP previously and thats hard to get over for a woman..I think shes being practical as ye are on opposite sides of the world OP and both have careers.Id say shes still hurt over what happened 2 yrs ago given that dig she got in but you probably might be in with a chance if she lived here.Would you consider going over on holiday and see if anything develops?

6541

She texted me goodbye, so I replied that if I had it back again that I would not have let her go. I said she was a sexy, confident and cool woman. I said go back with a smile on your face and think of the great times she had here.. I think that pretty much says I fooked up and if I had half a chance I would take it.

CaraMay

Stay in touch with her and try to go over on holiday.

Nabber

Interested in the career. Must be damn good.

mangotracy

OP you said you 'messed around with her on and off' over the years - and presumably had other relationships. But when you had the chance to commit you didn't. As a woman I'd be wary of you if I were her! You sound a bit like you want what you can't have. Be realistic with yourself, if she was in Ireland would you have really been prepared to give it a go?

Keane2baMused

If she's that special and you screwed things up that much, is there a possibility your career could move to Oz?

pookie82

You'll just have to take this one on the chin, I'm afraid. Maybe your age is clouding your judgment here a little, and because YOU are ready to settle now she seems like an obvious choice.

But as she said herself, you had your chance. She asked you to commit 2 years ago and you weren't done playing the field/being single. This is what comes of passing up this kind of thing, I'm afraid.

There's no reason why she'd give you a shot now when you turned her down before. Maybe she wants someone who'll commit off the bat and not hang around until he reaches a certain age and decides he wants to settle now. It's possible she wants more than you can offer. If I were her I'd wonder if you weren't just grasping at straws now that 40 is on the horizon.

power pants

If she wasnt going to australia would you still be telling her all these things?
Why now when you had years to and when you were with her not committing?
anyway, she told you, you had your chance, cant get much clearer than that.

HelgaWard

I think you should keep in touch and go over there on holidays and see what happens.

Neyite

It was only when she was actively moving on with her life that you woke up. I mean, after all these years of 'messing around' the day before she emigrates is when you finally tell her how you feel? She is right, you did have chances, plenty of them and you let them slide.

You had all that time when she was planning and saving and talking about Australia to say it to her. And you didn't bother. So that tells me that she isn't the one you should settle down with. You feel that you are at settling down stage and its natural to look to the possibilities among people we already know and have a spark with.

But if she really was the one that you wanted as a wife, you wouldn't have let her go. You'd have made a move long before now, or would have explored the possibility of you going to Australia too.

6541

Thanks folks I take everything on board that people say.

retro:electro

To be honest if I was her I'd be pretty damn mad at you. You mess her around for years when she wanted to be with you and then the day before she emigrates you tell her you want to be in a relationship with her. How selfish and unfair op. That is just not on and acts like that really make me mad.

You haven't thought about her in any of this, only yourself and how old YOU are and how YOU want to now settle down. She's right, you had your chance. Now suck it up and leave her alone.

pookie82

Neyite wrote: »

I mean, after all these years of 'messing around' the day before she emigrates is when you finally tell her how you feel? She is right, you did have chances, plenty of them and you let them slide.

You had all that time when she was planning and saving and talking about Australia to say it to her. And you didn't bother.

I didn't read it like she has only just moved ... he seemed to say he turned her down 2 years ago and she has since moved abroad. I took that to mean she just came back for a wedding here before returning and that's when he felt the spark ...

But the rest of the advice still stands.

Neyite

pookie82 wrote: »

I didn't read it like she has only just moved ... he seemed to say he turned her down 2 years ago and she has since moved abroad. I took that to mean she just came back for a wedding here before returning and that's when he felt the spark ...

But the rest of the advice still stands.

oops!

Sorry OP, I picked you up wrong.

power pants

Neyite wrote: »

oops!

Sorry OP, I picked you up wrong.

+1

LLMMML

I'd say leave her be. Even the message you sent was hardly a declaration of intent. You left yourself enough wiggle room so that if she said "will I stay in ireland and we'll commit?" You could claim that you were just sending a fun, friendly text. And I think you would wriggle out of it. It'll only end up messing with her head. Apologies if I'm wrong.

MrWalsh

You just seem to want what you cant have. When she was here you werent interested in making a commitment, now that she isnt you want her.

What if she came back and said "lets be together" - how quickly would you tire of her once she was available?

Let it go, you had your chance.

6541

She has emigrated now for over two years. Previously when we messed around I would have been in an on / off relationship which was poisonous and crazy. It is only in the last year I really see the wood from the trees. She has been a tremendous friend to me.
I know that I screwed up.

Idle Passerby

Hmm I think you see her as a chance to settle for someone whose not bad. Do you really want to to be with someone you've rejected and messed around for years to eventually say "you'll do" just because your feeling the urge to settle down.

As an aside, if shes the same age as you she may have been having the same thoughts 2 years ago when she was in her mid 30's - a classic panic time for women. Sounds like she's happy to hold out for more now and I wouldn't blame her, no one wants to be somebodies compromise.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

BrowmThomas

If a man wants to be with a woman he will do anything to be with her. Simple as. You had years to do that so clearly you didn't want to be with her.
You only want to be with her now as she is moving on with her life. Do her a favour, let her get on with her life - with someone who will really love and respect her.

nc19

6541 wrote:

Wise words but what can one do she has a career on the other side of the world and so do I on this side of the world.

Go to her..........simples

Matteroffact

Write to her and tell her how you feel.