How to go about explaining this?

LegacyUser

Hi all!
Myself and my boyfriend have been together for a year and a half now. I finished college this year and I'm taking a year out before doing a postgrad, he still has another year to do. Before I left college, my plan was to find a job for the summer at home in order to save up enough to afford a deposit to rent a house and find a job in the city the college is in. I also needed to save up a grand to give to my mother, who borrowed me it in order to pay for accommodation last year. My boyfriend offered to let me stay at his until I sort a job/house. However, this hasn't gone to plan. I live in a small town and can't find a job anywhere. The few places that are hiring are looking for ridiculous amounts of experience such as four years working in a shop, for a place in the small, local shop that I don't have, or they're jobbridge. My mother is refusing to let me go on social welfare so I have literally no money. As a result, I'm very reluctant to move back to the college as I would be going with nothing. My boyfriend was really looking forward to me moving down and is still looking for me to move in with him for a while. However, I wouldn't be able to contribute towards bills, food or rent which is completely unfair on the other housemates.

I tried talking to my boyfriend about this at the weekend. However, it didn't get very far. He kept explaining about how it would make sense to go at the start of semester when none of the students have taken part time jobs, leaving no full time jobs, and that he's sure the other housemates wouldn't mind me moving in etc. Although he may have a point about it being easier to find a job/house in September, I still feel deeply uncomfortable about not contributing to the house financially as I know the house isn't cheap. At least at home, I do nearly all the driving and help out a lot with childminding etc. If it was just my boyfriend, I wouldn't mind so much but I don't know many people who wouldn't get annoyed at a housemate's partner essentially living for free, using their electricity etc. If I can't get a job or house around the college, I can see my boyfriend insisting that I stay as the bus from my home to the college is about 7/8 hours. There'd also be the problem of me having nothing to do except look for jobs all day, every day. At home, I volunteer 6 days a week.

I can't see another way to explain this to him, or to say it in a way that minimises disappointment but doesn't leave it open for further discussion. I hate the idea of upsetting him and, under other circumstances, I would be excited too but I just don't see it as being very practical at the minute, whereas he doesn't see a problem. Maybe I am being unreasonable. I mean, it would be easier to find a job in a city as opposed to a smaller town, although accommodation would be difficult to find. I think I just need to get my thoughts out in order to wrap my head around them.

ColeTrain

My mother is refusing to let me go on social welfare so I have literally no money.

Why is she refusing to let you go on social welfare? If you have no money or a job at the minute, why wouldn't you go on it and what has it go to do with her?

Flippyfloppy

ColeTrain wrote: »

Why is she refusing to let you go on social welfare? If you have no money or a job at the minute, why wouldn't you go on it and what has it go to do with her?

Not only are you not going on social welfare because your mother won't let you, you seem to only be considering moving in with your boyfriend because he wants you to.

MagicMarker

Op, you're a grown up now. It's time to start making decisions for yourself. Your first port of call is to sign on the dole. This will allow you to contribute to the household should you move in with your boyfriend.

Not contributing is unacceptable.

R.D. aka MR.D

ColeTrain wrote: »

Why is she refusing to let you go on social welfare? If you have no money or a job at the minute, why wouldn't you go on it and what has it go to do with her?

No the OP but when i was college age and a little while after, so under 24, my parents didn't allow me to go on social welfare because I was living with them. If you are under 24 and living with parents they have to declare all their income etc. My parents didn't want to do that.

They were letting me live in their house for free so I had no other choice as you don't get rent allowance etc right away.

Depending on the OPs age, the fact that they still live at home could potentially mean they'll have difficulty getting social welfare, as would they not be classed as a dependent adult and, thus, her family would need to get means tested as well? I'm not all that familiar with the procedure for adults living at home, so I could be wrong.

blatantrereg

Your year out is not gong according to plan. Have you considered skipping skipping it, and starting the postgrad in September?

Neyite

Mod:
Posters please note that suggesting welfare fraud is illegal and therefore against the charter. This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

Thanks for taking the time to reply!

Coletrain- her reasoning is that she doesn't want me part of that system. Unfortunately, we live quite rural and I'm only insured on my mother's car, so only really have it whenever she gives it to me so I'm quite reliant on her to get places.


blantantrereg- I'm afraid not. I've looked into doing this but I can't afford it as it's in England, and there is no grants. Therefore, I'd have to look into getting a loan, for which I need an income.