Having some problems...

LegacyUser

Hey. I'll just get to it....

I am a 20 year old man and I just want to clarify that I had a happy childhood and a fine upbringing. What I mean by this is that my problems were not really caused by any specific event but by my own sensitivity....

1. I started college last year and decided to see a therapist to tackle my problem with anxiety with CBT and it was effective. Now I have decided to tackle my OCD problems and am on a waiting list at the moment. However, I can't help but feel there is something else, depression maybe. I don't particularly like myself. I don't feel attractive. I have no social life. I cant get a job etc. I find myself stuck in my room with an internet addiction, constantly listening to my favorite parts of songs to cheer myself up and wasting my time. There is a girl at college I am infatuated with, unsure whether she was just being friendly or not at the rare times I spoke to her. I look on her Facebook page. I pace the floor up and down, replaying the moments in my head, seeing how I messed up the conversation. Then I imagine I have a girlfriend (not specifically her) and I imagine having conversations with her. When my mood is really bad though, I do find myself thinking about death (not suicidal, just the concept of death). This is hard for me to say but sometimes I get these disturbing thoughts of something bad happening in my life, (me getting cancer for example) and people (including that girl) taking pity on me and talking to me. As for the sensitivity, I find that if someone even raises their voice or says something in a harsh tone, it is enough to put me in a bad mood for the day......

2. Recently, two events happened which are still affecting me now, one being the death of a loved one. Before this event, I came across an article by a conservative Catholic on gay marriage and was baffled by her notions. I wanted to see if this was a popular opinion in the Catholic community and stumbled upon a Catholic forum. On the forum there was an advert which read: "Where will you spend eternity?", a question I never really thought about before. (I go to Mass but would say me and my family are probably more liberal than religious). Anyway, I was slightly amused at the conservative conversions and decided to look up pre-marital sex (something I see no problem with) and there was talk of that it was mortal sin and talk of Hell, etc. I never seen this viewpoint and felt sick to be honest. I didn't know what mortal sin was, so I did. The more I looked up, the more anxious I got that I was going to Hell. I didn't feel like getting out of bed every morning for two weeks and just felt awful. Also, I just felt like my sense of morals was damaged by this. I felt myself on the verge of growing an obsessive-compulsive reaction to this, in other words looking up on this forum what was and was not mortal sin. A priest later informed me that there are very right wing website which I should avoid. I still look them up but am a bit unconcerned with eternal damnation etc. Now, I am questioning the concept of religion. I am shook up about this. I mean I just feel that there was a curtain and there was something behind it, but curiosity forced my to see behind it and now I cant unsee it. I was just a guy that was ignorant of his religion, but happier nonetheless and now I just ask myself these questions like: How does the Catholic Church think they are the one true religion? With so many religions, which is the truth? If I follow one religion with the intention of going to Heaven, could I end up in Hell of a different religion. At this very moment, I think that religion and faith are two very different things. The point I am making is that things are losing meaning to me, I am confused...

3. I feel lonely. I have friends at college, but haven't really spoken to anyone from school since the Leaving. It was kinda gradual. At school a friend would ask if I wanted to go to a gig or whatever, and I would say I am busy (due to distorted belief systems). Soon this became habit and slightly damaged the friendship a bit. A different guy I was friends with would ask me as well to go places, and I would try to return the favor, but was always given an excuse. Tried to invite him over and recall my father saying "maybe he just doesn't want to come over". I started to believe this and haven't bothered since. I mean, I can make friends, and somewhat maintain them, but I am not sure they are very meaningful. I don't think I know how to be a friend and I am to scared of rejection to ask them anywhere or for their number. I think I probably come off as eccentric and probably wear a clowns mask to cover a boring personality. The only reason I say this is because I don't find us talking about serious stuff or opening up much. Like I love the guys at college, but sometimes i wonder.....
I long for love but I don't see how this can happen. Let's face it, I have problems and come off as a semi-lonely guy who has mental problems and has no real social status. Maybe this is another distorted view, but who would want to give a guy who doesn't actively socialize much, or doesn't have a group of friends their full attention?


If you got this far then thanks for reading this rant. Sorry for the length and my bad writing style. I really needed to get this off my chest as I just feel so lost. I have ideas to change my productivity and outlook around the mantra: "You have to love yourself before you can love others", but would love some advice. Thanks.

TL:DR: Please read if you can. If not: Guy with anxiety issues is lonely, possibly depressed, not very hopeful, and questioning the very foundations of his life.

Dughorm

unsureandlost wrote: »

Hey. I'll just get to it....

I am a 20 year old man and I just want to clarify that I had a happy childhood and a fine upbringing. What I mean by this is that my problems were not really caused by any specific event but by my own sensitivity....

1. I started college last year and decided to see a therapist to tackle my problem with anxiety with CBT and it was effective. Now I have decided to tackle my OCD problems and am on a waiting list at the moment. However, I can't help but feel there is something else, depression maybe. I don't particularly like myself. I don't feel attractive. I have no social life. I cant get a job etc. I find myself stuck in my room with an internet addiction, constantly listening to my favorite parts of songs to cheer myself up and wasting my time. There is a girl at college I am infatuated with, unsure whether she was just being friendly or not at the rare times I spoke to her. I look on her Facebook page. I pace the floor up and down, replaying the moments in my head, seeing how I messed up the conversation. Then I imagine I have a girlfriend (not specifically her) and I imagine having conversations with her. When my mood is really bad though, I do find myself thinking about death (not suicidal, just the concept of death). This is hard for me to say but sometimes I get these disturbing thoughts of something bad happening in my life, (me getting cancer for example) and people (including that girl) taking pity on me and talking to me. As for the sensitivity, I find that if someone even raises their voice or says something in a harsh tone, it is enough to put me in a bad mood for the day......

2. Recently, two events happened which are still affecting me now, one being the death of a loved one . Before this event, I came across an article by a conservative Catholic on gay marriage and was baffled by her notions. I wanted to see if this was a popular opinion in the Catholic community and stumbled upon a Catholic forum. On the forum there was an advert which read: "Where will you spend eternity?", a question I never really thought about before. (I go to Mass but would say me and my family are probably more liberal than religious). Anyway, I was slightly amused at the conservative conversions and decided to look up pre-marital sex (something I see no problem with) and there was talk of that it was mortal sin and talk of Hell, etc. I never seen this viewpoint and felt sick to be honest. I didn't know what mortal sin was, so I did. The more I looked up, the more anxious I got that I was going to Hell. I didn't feel like getting out of bed every morning for two weeks and just felt awful. Also, I just felt like my sense of morals was damaged by this. I felt myself on the verge of growing an obsessive-compulsive reaction to this, in other words looking up on this forum what was and was not mortal sin. A priest later informed me that there are very right wing website which I should avoid. I still look them up but am a bit unconcerned with eternal damnation etc. Now, I am questioning the concept of religion. I am shook up about this. I mean I just feel that there was a curtain and there was something behind it, but curiosity forced my to see behind it and now I cant unsee it. I was just a guy that was ignorant of his religion, but happier nonetheless and now I just ask myself these questions like: How does the Catholic Church think they are the one true religion? With so many religions, which is the truth? If I follow one religion with the intention of going to Heaven, could I end up in Hell of a different religion. At this very moment, I think that religion and faith are two very different things. The point I am making is that things are losing meaning to me, I am confused...

3. I feel lonely. I have friends at college, but haven't really spoken to anyone from school since the Leaving. It was kinda gradual. At school a friend would ask if I wanted to go to a gig or whatever, and I would say I am busy (due to distorted belief systems). Soon this became habit and slightly damaged the friendship a bit. A different guy I was friends with would ask me as well to go places, and I would try to return the favor, but was always given an excuse. Tried to invite him over and recall my father saying "maybe he just doesn't want to come over". I started to believe this and haven't bothered since. I mean, I can make friends, and somewhat maintain them, but I am not sure they are very meaningful. I don't think I know how to be a friend and I am to scared of rejection to ask them anywhere or for their number. I think I probably come off as eccentric and probably wear a clowns mask to cover a boring personality. The only reason I say this is because I don't find us talking about serious stuff or opening up much. Like I love the guys at college, but sometimes i wonder.....
I long for love but I don't see how this can happen. Let's face it, I have problems and come off as a semi-lonely guy who has mental problems and has no real social status. Maybe this is another distorted view, but who would want to give a guy who doesn't actively socialize much, or doesn't have a group of friends their full attention?

If you got this far then thanks for reading this rant. Sorry for the length and my bad writing style. I really needed to get this off my chest as I just feel so lost. I have ideas to change my productivity and outlook around the mantra: "You have to love yourself before you can love others", but would love some advice. Thanks.

TL:DR: Please read if you can. If not: Guy with anxiety issues is lonely, possibly depressed, not very hopeful, and questioning the very foundations of his life.

Hi Op,

I hope you got some release from writing the above. I think you should continue to talk to your therapist, particularly about the issues in bold above.

You mention many issues. A lot of people share those issues, whether they are seeking a relationship, looking to improve themselves, exploring their religious beliefs etc... these can be positive things because they challenge us and motivate us to better ourselves.

However, I think you are being too hard on yourself... plenty of single or lonely people still like themselves!

Be your own friend first and more will follow - good luck!

Rubberchikken

hi op
there's no need to apologise for your writing style. it's very good actually.
i'm sorry you're feeling down a the moment. keep talking to your therapist, it's a great place to let things out in a safe way.

you're 20 and lonely. you can do something about the lonely part with a bit of effort. smile and talk to a girl in college. who knows, she may be hoping you like her too. what do you have to lose?
try to think of all the good things about you. there are plenty, but they can get lost under the dislike we can have for ourselves when we're feeling down.

try to find some interests outside away from the net and right wing sites. i personally don't believe in hell etc, and i think that young people can be too influenced reading certain stuff that, frankly, you don't need to be reading.

sorry for rambling. start by liking yourself. you sound like a good person who needs to start believing that. take care.

unsureandlost

unsureandlost wrote: »

Hey. I'll just get to it....

There is a girl at college I am infatuated with, unsure whether she was just being friendly or not at the rare times I spoke to her. I look on her Facebook page. I pace the floor up and down, replaying the moments in my head, seeing how I messed up the conversation. Then I imagine I have a girlfriend (not specifically her) and I imagine having conversations with her. When my mood is really bad though, I do find myself thinking about death (not suicidal, just the concept of death). This is hard for me to say but sometimes I get these disturbing thoughts of something bad happening in my life, (me getting cancer for example) and people (including that girl) taking pity on me and talking to me. As for the sensitivity, I find that if someone even raises their voice or says something in a harsh tone, it is enough to put me in a bad mood for the day......

Has the counsellor suggested the possibility of going on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication? It might be a good idea to go on them for a while.

Regarding the other issues -
Get outside and exercise. When you're starting to feel like you're spending too much time inside on the internet, turn it off and go for a walk.

Look into taking up yoga/breathing exercises. On those times that you might feel like something might trigger your sensitivity, you can use these techniques. Look into a thing called Headspace. You can download an app or even visit the website

Have you ever had a relationship?

2. Recently, two events happened which are still affecting me now, one being the death of a loved one. Before this event, I came across an article by a conservative Catholic on gay marriage and was baffled by her notions. I wanted to see if this was a popular opinion in the Catholic community and stumbled upon a Catholic forum. On the forum there was an advert which read: "Where will you spend eternity?", a question I never really thought about before. (I go to Mass but would say me and my family are probably more liberal than religious). Anyway, I was slightly amused at the conservative conversions and decided to look up pre-marital sex (something I see no problem with) and there was talk of that it was mortal sin and talk of Hell, etc. I never seen this viewpoint and felt sick to be honest. I didn't know what mortal sin was, so I did. The more I looked up, the more anxious I got that I was going to Hell. I didn't feel like getting out of bed every morning for two weeks and just felt awful. Also, I just felt like my sense of morals was damaged by this. I felt myself on the verge of growing an obsessive-compulsive reaction to this, in other words looking up on this forum what was and was not mortal sin. A priest later informed me that there are very right wing website which I should avoid. I still look them up but am a bit unconcerned with eternal damnation etc. Now, I am questioning the concept of religion. I am shook up about this. I mean I just feel that there was a curtain and there was something behind it, but curiosity forced my to see behind it and now I cant unsee it. I was just a guy that was ignorant of his religion, but happier nonetheless and now I just ask myself these questions like: How does the Catholic Church think they are the one true religion? With so many religions, which is the truth? If I follow one religion with the intention of going to Heaven, could I end up in Hell of a different religion. At this very moment, I think that religion and faith are two very different things. The point I am making is that things are losing meaning to me, I am confused...

Have you discussed this with your counsellor? I don't want to get into any form of theological discussion right now, but I am an agnostic - think logically about it - how ludicrous is it that a good person can be sent to Hell upon death just because they enjoy having sex outside of marriage? Also given that many religions say that you are going to Hell if you're not a member of their one, and because nobody can be every religion, then that means that we're all going there. And, if we are going to Hell, at least we'll have a good time.

Every religion also thinks they are the one true one - and, when you get into it, all religions essentially have the same belief structure.

But anyway, I'm going way too much into a theological debate, which isn't intended, but is more to highlight different aspects, which you might not have considered it before.

It's fantastic that you have your religion, but maybe you're now seeing that your beliefs are at odds with who you are becoming. There's nothing wrong with that.

3. I feel lonely. I have friends at college, but haven't really spoken to anyone from school since the Leaving. It was kinda gradual. At school a friend would ask if I wanted to go to a gig or whatever, and I would say I am busy (due to distorted belief systems). Soon this became habit and slightly damaged the friendship a bit. A different guy I was friends with would ask me as well to go places, and I would try to return the favor, but was always given an excuse. Tried to invite him over and recall my father saying "maybe he just doesn't want to come over". I started to believe this and haven't bothered since. I mean, I can make friends, and somewhat maintain them, but I am not sure they are very meaningful. I don't think I know how to be a friend and I am to scared of rejection to ask them anywhere or for their number. I think I probably come off as eccentric and probably wear a clowns mask to cover a boring personality. The only reason I say this is because I don't find us talking about serious stuff or opening up much. Like I love the guys at college, but sometimes i wonder.....
I long for love but I don't see how this can happen. Let's face it, I have problems and come off as a semi-lonely guy who has mental problems and has no real social status. Maybe this is another distorted view, but who would want to give a guy who doesn't actively socialize much, or doesn't have a group of friends their full attention?

What do you mean about your friend having a different set of beliefs? Honestly, OP, how many times has your beliefs actually held you back.

You're in your 20s. It's pretty common for you not to have deep meaningful conversations. And not every friend needs to be like that. Truth be told, it's sometimes good to have those friends that you can just be.. friends on the surface. Those ones that you can have fun without any doubts.

If you got this far then thanks for reading this rant. Sorry for the length and my bad writing style. I really needed to get this off my chest as I just feel so lost. I have ideas to change my productivity and outlook around the mantra: "You have to love yourself before you can love others", but would love some advice. Thanks.

TL:DR: Please read if you can. If not: Guy with anxiety issues is lonely, possibly depressed, not very hopeful, and questioning the very foundations of his life.

Am I the only one that finds it annoying when people feel the need to throw in a TL;DR;? I have slight ADHD and even I make the effort. Your writing is great and you came across eloquently.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies and sorry for the delay. Thankfully, I am in a much better frame of mind now.

Dughorm wrote: »

Hi Op,

I hope you got some release from writing the above. I think you should continue to talk to your therapist, particularly about the issues in bold above.

You mention many issues. A lot of people share those issues, whether they are seeking a relationship, looking to improve themselves, exploring their religious beliefs etc... these can be positive things because they challenge us and motivate us to better ourselves.

However, I think you are being too hard on yourself... plenty of single or lonely people still like themselves!

Be your own friend first and more will follow - good luck!

Yeah I am always told by people that I am too hard on myself, only thats all I really know!

Rubberchikken wrote: »

hi op
there's no need to apologise for your writing style. it's very good actually.
i'm sorry you're feeling down a the moment. keep talking to your therapist, it's a great place to let things out in a safe way.

you're 20 and lonely. you can do something about the lonely part with a bit of effort. smile and talk to a girl in college. who knows, she may be hoping you like her too. what do you have to lose?
try to think of all the good things about you. there are plenty, but they can get lost under the dislike we can have for ourselves when we're feeling down.

try to find some interests outside away from the net and right wing sites. i personally don't believe in hell etc, and i think that young people can be too influenced reading certain stuff that, frankly, you don't need to be reading.

sorry for rambling. start by liking yourself. you sound like a good person who needs to start believing that. take care.

Yeah I think I may have an internet addiction to some extent. I always have these ideas for songs or stories etc., but am always too focused on the internet to focus on my hobbies.

Deleted User wrote: »

Has the counsellor suggested the possibility of going on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication? It might be a good idea to go on them for a while.

Regarding the other issues -
Get outside and exercise. When you're starting to feel like you're spending too much time inside on the internet, turn it off and go for a walk.

Look into taking up yoga/breathing exercises. On those times that you might feel like something might trigger your sensitivity, you can use these techniques. Look into a thing called Headspace. You can download an app or even visit the website

Have you ever had a relationship?



Have you discussed this with your counsellor? I don't want to get into any form of theological discussion right now, but I am an agnostic - think logically about it - how ludicrous is it that a good person can be sent to Hell upon death just because they enjoy having sex outside of marriage? Also given that many religions say that you are going to Hell if you're not a member of their one, and because nobody can be every religion, then that means that we're all going there. And, if we are going to Hell, at least we'll have a good time.

Every religion also thinks they are the one true one - and, when you get into it, all religions essentially have the same belief structure.

But anyway, I'm going way too much into a theological debate, which isn't intended, but is more to highlight different aspects, which you might not have considered it before.

It's fantastic that you have your religion, but maybe you're now seeing that your beliefs are at odds with who you are becoming. There's nothing wrong with that.



What do you mean about your friend having a different set of beliefs? Honestly, OP, how many times has your beliefs actually held you back.

You're in your 20s. It's pretty common for you not to have deep meaningful conversations. And not every friend needs to be like that. Truth be told, it's sometimes good to have those friends that you can just be.. friends on the surface. Those ones that you can have fun without any doubts.



Am I the only one that finds it annoying when people feel the need to throw in a TL;DR;? I have slight ADHD and even I make the effort. Your writing is great and you came across eloquently.

Yeah the my GP said medication would be part of the treatment. Thanks for the app recommendation. As for relationship, yeah I was briefly in one but it was a disaster to be honest!

When I meant the belief system, I meant that the irrational thoughts in my head would immediately say something and I would believe it and it would be a cycle...

I don't know in the last few days I have grown skeptical of organised religion. Your're right, this isn't the place for a theological discussion but I am just really questioning things at the moment and it feels uncomfortable.

Ha! Yeah, I don't like the TL:DR thing either. On reflection, I should have made my rant shorter.

unsureandlost

unsureandlost wrote: »

I don't know in the last few days I have grown skeptical of organised religion. Your're right, this isn't the place for a theological discussion but I am just really questioning things at the moment and it feels uncomfortable.

Everyone has those moments where their faith - whether it be religion, what they're doing in life, so on and so forth - is called into question. Maybe you're reaching a point in your life where your beliefs are at odds with how you see the world. And there isn't necessarily anything wrong with that whatsoever.