Do the memories stop

hairyslug

This is going to sound a bit odd.
it's 2 months since my mother died. Every day if my mind starts to zone out, I remember something about her, sadly these flashes are only of her final months when she was very sick. I find it very difficult to remember any good things any more.
You add drink into it (always a great idea when grieving and I become an emotional mess. Last week I was out with friends and at about 1am I was a 35 year old man balling his eyes out in a nightclub because I had remembered something, this is a great way to attract the ladies btw.
Maybe this is more of a rant and a way to vent what's been on my mind and I know everyone experiences grief differently (at the time of my mothers death, i was the calm one while everyone else was the emotional mess, but now it's switched and these short flashes are eating me up inside.

Anyway, that's my rambling for a Friday and we are having a bbq tomorrow so woohoo

Teddington Cuddlesworth

Its only been two months.

My girlfriend dad passed suddenly last October.
8 months later and memories still grasp her but she's taught herself to replace anything negative with a positive memory.
Its still tough for her but she only thinks of positive things which help her. Talk to friends, we're a social creature and getting things out of our heads and into the ears of other people helps a huge amount.

Baby steps pal.

deeksofdoom

My father died on the 4th of May, very tough at the start took 2 weeks off work. First 2 weeks back in work found myself sitting at my desk crying a lot. But I seem to get a bit better as I go along. I'm nearly 40 ffs. I think I got a lot of crying done the 2 months he was sick. It just affects everyone differently.

kerry4sam

hairyslug wrote: »

This is going to sound a bit odd.
it's 2 months since my mother died. Every day if my mind starts to zone out, I remember something about her, sadly these flashes are only of her final months when she was very sick. I find it very difficult to remember any good things any more.
You add drink into it (always a great idea when grieving and I become an emotional mess. Last week I was out with friends and at about 1am I was a 35 year old man balling his eyes out in a nightclub because I had remembered something, this is a great way to attract the ladies btw.
Maybe this is more of a rant and a way to vent what's been on my mind and I know everyone experiences grief differently (at the time of my mothers death, i was the calm one while everyone else was the emotional mess, but now it's switched and these short flashes are eating me up inside.

Anyway, that's my rambling for a Friday and we are having a bbq tomorrow so woohoo

In short : " Do the Memories Stop" <- No, no they don't.
Like they won't stop for you, the memories won't stop for your family either. That's where you need to protect yourself.

My Late Loving Dad passed away 18months ago now. With me, I was Daddy's girl and those memories for my family has resulted in years & years of pent-up anger toward me which they've unleashed on numerous occasions since Dad passed away.
Once being : in the kitchen one day ; after my back injury ; resting my legs on a seat to relax my back <- family member pulled the seat out from under my legs <- legs slammed off the ground; vibrations up the legs to the injured spine. Queue numbness and tingling afterwards. One family member expressing their anger. Lucky I didn't land a doctors bill in-front of them.

Twice being : in a café with two members. They finished coffee before me and instead of waiting for me to finish mine decide to get up; leaving me there; stand outside the café looking in at me finishing my coffee instead of doing what most people would do. Shown complete lack of respect toward me since Dad passed away.

Third being : another family member being abusive & aggressive toward me, that I wrote about some time back on here.

Years & Years of memories for me and Dad and years & years of pent-up anger & frustration by family members based on their own memories.

Memories don't stop for anyone. Protect yourself. I've started to keep my distance from family now for my own sake and protection.
Only let those you trust see this side of you. The wrong ones will take advantage and use against you.
Don't take anything for granted when it comes to family and grief.

Thinking of You,
Hugs,
kerry4sam

LynnGrace

OP, sorry for your loss.

It's very, very early days, and things are very raw, just yet. In relation to memories, I can only offer, from my experience, that in time to come, better memories of the person who is gone, rather than the distressing ones from their illness, will emerge, and actually are consoling.

The main thing for now, is to look after yourself, eat properly, get exercise, just generally be conscious of minding your health, and take things one day at a time.
I was a bit like you, in a close family bereavement, the strong one, at the time, and it did hit me, health wise, at a later stage. Don't be afraid to lean a bit on others, from time to time, family or friends, and accept support.
I don't know if you have siblings or other close family, but if so, you will find, everyone has good and bad days, and the one having the good day can pull the other through the bad day, if that makes sense.

I don't want to be offering what sound like cliches, but, time helps a bit, in my experience. But as I said, it's very, very early days for you yet.

Take care, and all the best.

Rubberchikken

Two months is a very short time after such a sad loss. The memories about your mom's illness/death will lessen in time and the great memories from your time with her will be stronger.

Breavement is different for everyone and how you'll experience you is unique to you.
If you find that the feelings worsen having a chat with your gp can be a good help.
Also if you find that you're drinking more than usual maybe you'd consider talking things through with family/friends. Take care

Lux23

My Dad wasn't sick for long, he was 13 days in an intensive care unit and it was very traumatic at the time but I don't dwell on that part too much. I do get the flashes but am starting to have more flashes of when he was younger and fitter, stuff I had kind of forgotten.

NIMAN

My father died of a heart attack at home 22 years ago, I was with him in his final moments. It wasn't pretty to see as it wasn't really a peaceful exit, and the memory stuck with me for a long time.

I often thought I would never get over it or ever get it out of my mind. But inside maybe 6 months or a year, the happier memories took over and then when I thought of my dad I smiled rather than cried.

zeffabelli

Yes they do but not for a while.

Grief after prolonged illness can be interrupted and take a lot longer because the images of the illness intercept.

You are probably drinking so that you can forget...this is understandable because to move forward you need to forget.

But grief wants attention and wont let the alcohol win.... you just have to ride it out. No way around it.

Sorry about your loss.....