Odd situation with a girl

kronsington

Ok I'm not sure if this is even the right forum to post this so I'm sorry if it isn't. Anyway i just wanted to see what people think of this, if anything.

Basically I "met" this girl on tinder well over a year ago now. We're from the same city at home, but we've never actually met. I'm in canada now, she's in ireland. Before that she was in oz and I was home. I say met, we matched and have exchanged messages)- from there we became Facebook Friends ( stay with me, I know it sounds lame) sending the odd message from time to time. And from there we've been on what'sapp. What's a bit odd is that now, despite having never met, we're in Touch About 4-5 times a week, voice messages mainly. I'm coming home in a few months possibly and i hope to meet her. It's an odd one. There's a definite spark there alright but I'm conscious of over texting. I'm in my early 30, she's in her late 20s just in case I sound like a pathetic teenager. Plenty of flirty banter but how long can you go with that? I'm usually useless enough when it comes to a girl I actually fancy, which I do with this girl, but I just thought I'd throw it out there to get slaughtered by the boards alumni. Can't really do much since I'm in canada and we've both acknowledged its a bit odd we are in touch so much and totally random

_Whimsical_

You're going to meet her in a couple of months so it's not like it's absolutely, definitely going nowhere. In this day and age it's not odd at all, lots of people have a friend or contact they've met online who's a regular feature of their lives. What's wrong with getting to know her for a while over text, nothing too heavy and then seeing if it's something really really special when you meet? Worse case scenario you end up friends or casual acquaintances.

Just don't let it get too heavy, dont let any special people slip past in Canada while you're there. The danger of these texty relationships is that when you have no real person there making demands on you it's easy to fill in the void that's left with your imagination and create them in your mind as a dream partner. Then no else has a chance to live up to the fantasy and the reality of being with her in real life will invariably be different than you think which can be very disappointing.

I say it's no harm as long as neither of you get TOO invested before you meet.

kronsington

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

You're going to meet her in a couple of months so it's not like it's absolutely, definitely going nowhere. In this day and age it's not odd at all, lots of people have a friend or contact they've met online who's a regular feature of their lives. What's wrong with getting to know her for a while over text, nothing too heavy and then seeing if it's something really really special when you meet? Worse case scenario you end up friends or casual acquaintances.

Just don't let it get too heavy, dont let any special people slip past in Canada while you're there. The danger of these texty relationships is that when you have no real person there making demands on you it's easy to fill in the void that's left with your imagination and create them in your mind as a dream partner. Then no else has a chance to live up to the fantasy and the reality of being with her in real life will invariably be different than you think which can be very disappointing.

I say it's no harm as long as neither of you get TOO invested before you meet.

Thanks, that's good advice. I should have said that even though I am possibly coming home on a few months, that's only for a visit and and I'm heading back to Canada then. Possible that I might move home next year but I don't know yet

beks101

I'd say don't overthink her too much. Enjoy the flirty banter for what it is, but don't invest anything or 'hold out' for her.

It's quite common to "meet" someone online like this, build them up massively in your head, meet them in real life and it falls totally flat. They're not what you expect. You're not what they expect. There's too much expectation and it just fizzles.

You're in Canada, no doubt it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, don't waste your time abroad pining for some girl from home that you've never met. In all reality you know nothing about her or how you'll react to each other face-to-face. Get yourself out amongst the beautiful Canadian women, maybe meet her when you're home but don't go pinning all your hopes on her. What will be will be.

In my personal experience, 9/10 times the people you talk to the longest online don't match up to the fantasy that you've built up in your mind. This is why I usually try and meet people within the first few weeks, if not sooner.

HardenendMan

Deleted User wrote: »

In my personal experience, 9/10 times the people you talk to the longest online don't match up to the fantasy that you've built up in your mind. This is why I usually try and meet people within the first few weeks, if not sooner.

+1. Online dating sites/apps are a way of meeting people. Not for developing a deep connection. Chat enough online to have an idea that the person is not a psycho and then get face to face ASAP.

Some people are hilarious and fun when given time to write an online message. Then turn out to be nervous shy wrecks. Nothing wrong with that of course, just an example of how you can have a "faux" connection.