When other children aren't nice to yours

mesu

Hello, my question is do you get involved in your children's relationships with their friends? I have a 4 and a half year old daughter and I find it really hard not to get very defensive of her if I hear or see other children being mean to her.

She's a little younger than a few of her friends and there've been times when I overhear them being plain mean to her and I really want to step in and stand up for her. Is it best to stay in the background? I really have to fight the urge not to intervene.

An example is she'll say "I'm the King of the Castle" (when standing on a rock with a group) and one of them will turn around and say "No you're not" but in a really nasty way.

Or she'll say "oh can I sit beside you?" and they'll say no again in a really mean way.

This is stuff I've heard at birthday parties or picking her up from pre school and I just worry about her self esteem and that she might think this is how friends talk to each other.

She tends to get on better with children who are a little younger than she is because they're probably more on her wave length.

She doesn't seem too bothered about it when it happens but I wonder is that because she's just used to it. She's just about to finish pre-school and a lot of her class will be going to the same primary school. There are two kids I am particularly worried about who she says say to her that she can't play with them but she doesn't know why.

Is this just run of the mill kids stuff? And am I just being unnecessarily offended on her behalf? It's so hard to know!

mordeith

You're probably just being over protective, albeit very understandably. Our oldest boy often tells us stories of how some of the other boys don't let him play or pick on him some bit. He actually gets on better with older kids. He's seven by the way. We tend to deal with it by telling him to play with the kids who are nice to him. We've told him that some people just aren't nice and this is true of adults as well as kids. We also reinforce that there is nothing wrong with him but that he also needs to be more assertive in certain situations. Of course if it descended into bona fide bullying then we would intervene

2xj3hplqgsbkym

I know your heart breaks when other kids are mean to yours, but I think it actually bothers is more than them.
I think you just have to try to teach them to deal with it. You won't be there to intervene when she is in school, and it will only be worse when she is left out by not being invited to someone's birthday party etc..
Just keep doing what you are doing, teach her good manners and instil confidence.

mesu

Thanks for the replies and the advice. To be honest I don't even know what I would say if I did intervene! I would pull her up on it if I heard her speaking to others in a nasty way and that's why my instinct is to do the same when it's the other way around.

It's so hard to hear her being put down, although to children it's probably just a response and not a direct insult which is what it sounds like to my adult ears. I suppose I'd hate her to feel bad about herself but she's probably far too young to feel like that. Plenty of time for all that later!

2xj3hplqgsbkym

I know how you feel. I would also be so worried that some little girl or boy would cry or run over to mammy and daddy and say "that lady was mean to me" !

Pawwed Rig

mesu wrote: »

It's so hard to hear her being put down, although to children it's probably just a response and not a direct insult which is what it sounds like to my adult ears. I suppose I'd hate her to feel bad about herself but she's probably far too young to feel like that. Plenty of time for all that later!

At 4 and a half she is definitely old enough to feel hurt and confused by others being nasty to her. I would say something to the other kids. Not saying you lay into them or anything but minor comments when you hear something may help such as 'play nice' or 'don't be nasty' etc etc
You can teach your daughter assertiveness too.