New relationship queries

LegacyUser

Hi,

I've posted here before and have always found the advice to be helpful so thought Id pick your brains again :-)

Three months ago I met a guy and we've been dating ever since. Despite being nearly 30, I'm pretty inexperienced at the whole relationship thing. Myself and the new guy have had a bit of a talk about where this going. He brought the topic up and when he did so, he caught me a bit off guard. Hence, I wasn't really prepared for it and in hindsight, I'm don't think I fully expressed my relationship goals (I'm not an expressive person at the best of times and when it comes to feelings/emotions, I need a bit of time).

Anyway, we both want to keep seeing each other. He said in time, he would be interested in it goimg further but for now, wants to take it slow and is enjoying the dating process. My worry is that in the past, I've come across a lot of guys who like "dating" but don't want to take it any further (I'm looking for a relationship).

Another issue I have is the amount (/lack) of contact between us. For instance, today is Saturday night and I haven't heard from him since Tuesday. The reason I haven't initiated contact myself is purely because I have done so the last three times we've been talking. At this point I figure why should it always be me to text first? Is this a reflection of taking it slow? Would anyone else agree that there should be more contact at this point?

I nearly feel like we need to have the "talk" again just because I need a few things clarified. I.e. What does "slow" mean? Does he actually want a relationship? I'm also wondering if I should tell him about my past experiences and make clear to him the ones I don't want repeat (just dating with no future). However, my friends have advised against this. They feel it might make me look like a bunny boiler/overly intense and I should just enjoy it for what it is.

Am I making problems for myself or is this something I should address?

Lucuma

i'd give it another month. don't text him. play it cool. after 4 months you'll know if he's really keen or not. in my experience the keepers don't keep you hanging

BANNERMAN98

Well as its a relationship you want , then 4 days without so much as a hi, how are you? In my humble opinion seems odd. Now he may be busy or something but it's been a few months so all I can is in my view, if I had to initiate contact first all the time or we went days on end without talking then I wouldn't be long in losing interest. I'm in the same boat as you, I too seek a relationship so I hope I'm wrong here and he comes round.

Merkin

Being assertive does not equate to being a bunny boiler! I think you absolutely should have that chat again. You want a relationship with this guy whereas he wants to keep seeing you, albeit potentially quite casually, but you're left wondering. How does wanting to know exactly where you stand classify you as a bunny boiler? if he is hedging his bets you really don't want a nasty shock in six months time when you find out he has a serious girlfriend. I'm not for a moment saying that will happen but if you both seem mad about one another and yet he's not keen to make any kind of commitment then he is not for you. Be assertive. Stand up for what you want and what you believe in and if he doesn't want to meet you half way then he's not for you and you're far better just getting shot if he's a time waster.

triple nipple

I think he's taking the piss with you. I dont think after three months it's unreasonable to lay out what you want for the future. My missus did it very early and it was up to me to decide if i wanted the same. 3 years later very happy. Also not hearing from someone for a week is pretty bad in my opinion.

CaraMay

Op I wouldn't be happy with that type and level of contact. What exactly does he mean by casual? Are you exclusive or just seeing each other? Sounds like he wants all the perks but none of the effort and no commitment.

Dellnum

I just think that if he doesn't want to see you on a Saturday night and hasn't made contact since Tuesday then he is not that interested and I wouldn't even bother to ask him where this is going. Just drop him like a hot potato and offer no explanations and ask him nothing more, his actions have explained to you how he feels. I would be looking for someone new if I were in your shoes.

IlmoNT4

Sounds like he wants a very casual thing OP, I'd have another chat with him and explain that you want a relationship....Lay your cards on the table, dont be afraid, if he say no, then you have your answer and you can get back to your life without wasting time on a time waster.
Taking things slowly I usually translate as I want to keep you as an option because this is a nice and easy thing without him having to make any commitment or investment into you.

Honestly nothing since Tuesday (unless theres a valid reason..and I dont accept to busy at work to send a 5 sec text message - Hi, its been a mental week, I'm up to my eyes, are you free on Saturday etc". You can bet money that he's texting his mates and has time to organise his fantasy football or whatever he's into. These arent the actions of a guy thats remotely interested. Normally when they are interested...You'll know all about it.

MissFlitworth

Kerry23456 wrote: »

However, my friends have advised against this. They feel it might make me look like a bunny boiler/overly intense and I should just enjoy it for what it is.

It doesn't sound like you're enjoying it though. If he wants something super casual and doesn't really think of you from Tuesday to Saturday that's only going to work for you & be enjoyable if you want the same. You don't so you need to talk to him and see if this, what you have going at the moment, is all he wants before you end up really, really into someone who sees you as a pleasant occasional diversion. I get not wanting to jump into a serious relationship straight away, that makes sense, but not wanting to talk to you or see you all week sort of says 'fcuk buddy' to me rather than girlfriend. And not wanting that sort of a relationship doesn't equal boiling anyones rabbits.

BANNERMAN98

Where can I find a girl like you who wants the same things :):)