depressed and hopeless re girl

LegacyUser

I am reaaly depressed and hopeless. there were three of us friends two guys and a girl. we went out together everywhere as pals. i grew to like her wanted to aske her out and thenfound out they have started goingout. we are not young as most seem here. 40's

it give me panic attacks and i do not want to see them again. i cannot handle them being together,never been so depressed in my life life seems hopeless

what ca i do??

magicmushroom

Unfortunately there isn't much you can do - apart from move on.

You need to find new friends to spend time with and new things to do, because what you had with the other 2 is gone.

It will never be the same again, because they are together now and they will either stay together or split up. I
f they split, they will not want to hang around as friends again and as he's your friend, you can hardly ask her out if it doesn't work out between them.

So as painful as it is and as crap as you're feeling, you have no choice but to pick yourself, take it as a knock but get on with life. I would assume at the age of 40 you've had heartbreak before so you know well that with a little effort, you will feel better soon.

I hope you have some other friends that you can call upon to cheer you up, also hope you are feeling better soon

LadyFenghuang

Just move on and take care of yourself.

LegacyUser

magicmushroom wrote: »

Unfortunately there isn't much you can do - apart from move on.

You need to find new friends to spend time with and new things to do, because what you had with the other 2 is gone.

It will never be the same again, because they are together now and they will either stay together or split up. I
f they split, they will not want to hang around as friends again and as he's your friend, you can hardly ask her out if it doesn't work out between them.

So as painful as it is and as crap as you're feeling, you have no choice but to pick yourself, take it as a knock but get on with life. I would assume at the age of 40 you've had heartbreak before so you know well that with a little effort, you will feel better soon.

I hope you have some other friends that you can call upon to cheer you up, also hope you are feeling better soon

he is not my friend anymore. I do not hav anyone else to confdedin. i have a friend but cannot talk about this to him. cannot eat and getting anxiety attacks. they have broken up many vtimes in the past. i hopethey do again not that i woud ask her. i hav bad depression too. i hate them both now

Rubberchikken

have a chat with your gp if you're not attending one at the moment.
i'm not going to tell you to get over her. it's only with getting your life sorted that you will realise how you really feel about her.
if you and her are meant to be together, then maybe that will happen in time. but for the moment, she's involved with someone else, and your life shouldn't be on hold until they decide whether they are staying together or not.

do you really want to wake up in your 50's or 60's and realise you spent time waiting for someone who may have just seen you as a good friend.

take care

LegacyUser

Rubberchikken wrote: »

have a chat with your gp if you're not attending one at the moment.
i'm not going to tell you to get over her. it's only with getting your life sorted that you will realise how you really feel about her.
if you and her are meant to be together, then maybe that will happen in time. but for the moment, she's involved with someone else, and your life shouldn't be on hold until they decide whether they are staying together or not.

do you really want to wake up in your 50's or 60's and realise you spent time waiting for someone who may have just seen you as a good friend.

take care

i am not waiting for her. i hate both of them now. sorry don't believe in meant to be

Nabber

cannotcope wrote: »

i am not waiting for her. i hate both of them now. sorry don't believe in meant to be

OP ... You hate them both, you hope they break up, even tho you wouldn't want to ask her out if she were to break up??

I hate to say this, but you should act your age if you are in your 40s as you say. They have been together many times before. So why is this time harder? What is different this time around?

Move on.

LegacyUser

@cannotcope Have you ever sought treatment for your anxiety and depression? I think the next step is for you to contact your GP, I really do. You're obviously in a bad way and I believe you need help. In my opinion the state you're in now goes beyond what most people experience when they see Mr/Miss Right hooking up with someone else.

You liked this woman but did she give you any indication that she liked you back? Are you sure that she would've said yes if you had asked her out? If she and the other man have a history of breaking up and getting back together, you never stood a chance. Even if she had said yes you'd find yourself looking over your shoulder at this other guy.

Taltos

Hi OP

I'm going to repeat the advice given. For your own sake please go to your GP and explain how you're feeling.

In the meantime have a look at some of the groups here who can help, many have numbers you can ring right now to talk to someone trained and willing to listen to help you.
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057178293

None of us can say if your feelings are an overreaction, we don't know how deeply you cared for this friend but right now what matters more if you seeking some help from people who are really able to help you and are there for you. Don't just bottle this all up or try to deal with it yourself, go and talk to someone, even if it's just a phone call.

In the meantime put some distance between you and your friends. There's too much raw emotion there right now and it'll just pull you down talking to either or hearing about the latest fight or make-up.

LegacyUser

Taltos wrote: »

Hi OP

I'm going to repeat the advice given. For your own sake please go to your GP and explain how you're feeling.

In the meantime have a look at some of the groups here who can help, many have numbers you can ring right now to talk to someone trained and willing to listen to help you.
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057178293

None of us can say if your feelings are an overreaction, we don't know how deeply you cared for this friend but right now what matters more if you seeking some help from people who are really able to help you and are there for you. Don't just bottle this all up or try to deal with it yourself, go and talk to someone, even if it's just a phone call.

In the meantime put some distance between you and your friends. There's too much raw emotion there right now and it'll just pull you down talking to either or hearing about the latest fight or make-up.

Thank you. Just to let you know the first group is discontinued with a recording referring to samaritans.

Nabber seems to think it is an over reaction . I do not need any judgemental stuff now. to me it is real. I did talk to a friend

At one point she said i love you and i love x. seemingly me as friend. I never told her how i felt maybe i should have. i have put distance but would like her to know in case it made any difference. i have had medication for depression, not very good though