Cancer diagnosis

UpCork

A close family member has been diagnosed with early stage breast cancer. To say it is a shock is an understatement.

She is awaiting her operation to remove the lump, and then radium. Docs will then assess need for chemo etc.

My way of dealing with everything in life is to educate myself....knowledge is power and all that. However, without being two cliched a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing.

What I have learned about cancer is that everyone is different. That's what makes it so hard though. All these sites and online forums - everyone has a different experience. I go from being really reassured one minute, to scared to death the next.

Not really looking for advice or anything, just sharing to see what other people's experiences are.

sullivlo

UpCork wrote: »

A close family member has been diagnosed with early stage breast cancer. To say it is a shock is an understatement.

She is awaiting her operation to remove the lump, and then radium. Docs will then assess need for chemo etc.

My way of dealing with everything in life is to educate myself....knowledge is power and all that. However, without being two cliched a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing.

What I have learned about cancer is that everyone is different. That's what makes it so hard though. All these sites and online forums - everyone has a different experience. I go from being really reassured one minute, to scared to death the next.

Not really looking for advice or anything, just sharing to see what other people's experiences are.

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear of the diagnosis. It's never an easy one to hear - for the patient or the loved one. All you can do is be there for them and hold their hand. Listen. Talk. Make tea. Cry with them.

Be sure and mind yourself too. It's very easy for you to go into a dark place when someone close to you gets bad news.

Reassure yourself that it has been caught early if it is a small lump. She's in the best place for treatment - the doctors will do their absolute best for her in terms of dealing with the illness. You can do more research when she gets the staging info from the biopsy and when they decide the appropriate course of treatment.

It's okay to feel the way that you're feeling now. It's perfectly understandable. While you're not the patient, she's obviously a very important part of your life. Mind yourself though. Talk to people - your GP if it helps. Also ARC cancer support offer a service to the relatives of patients, which is super.

I have a very close friend who is undergoing chemo & radio for breast cancer and we're just maintaining a normal relationship. She doesn't want to be treated any differently because of her illness. It doesn't define her.

But I had a very close family member (who we sadly lost earlier in the year) who underwent treatment for stage 4 ovarian cancer. She wanted nothing but to discuss her illness and it was only towards the end of her life that she realised how little living she did in the time between diagnosis and death. It was heartbreaking to see.

So with that in mind, try encourage the patient to just maintain normality in their life as much as possible.

It's okay to cry.

Don't go too mad researching the science behind it either. You will drive yourself crazy. When my aunt was diagnosed I was doing my PhD at the time and I did a lot of work with cancer cells. So it was impossible for me to escape from cancer, and there was a huge expectation from others for me to read, comprehend and explain all of the recent developments in the field. I think the hardest thing I had to do was to tell her that she wouldn't be eligible for any clinical trials - that was torture.

Anyway! I'm terribly sorry for the shock you're experiencing. My PM is open if you ever want to chat or vent.

UpCork

Thanks for that.

The cancer was picked up through Breastcheck, without them, she may not have known she had it until a palpable lump appeared which means it would have been much more advanced.

They are excellent there in that everything is done in stages, so you have time to get used to it.

Yet I still feel in a bit of a bubble - it is weird.

Luckily she just keeps working so her days are busy. I am the same I am just working away, only in the evenings when I come home it kind of hits with a bang.

Definitely going to quit reading stuff online as I think it will only serve to scare rather than reassure.

I think this is a matter of taking one day at a time and seeing what happens