What to do?

Daidy2011

I will try and keep this as short as possible but I would appreciate any input.

I am in a bit of dilemma. My partner of 9 years has just been offered the MOST amazing opportunity in a foreign country one, that should she accept, would be extremely beneficial to her both professionally and financially in a relatively short time (3-5 years).

There is quite a large age gap between us which to this point has never been a problem.

I am in my late 50's, she in her early 40's and while we love each other dearly and have the most amazing relationship I do not know if I have the compunction (or the guts) to move to a foreign country, with a significantly different culture, to start all over again at my age.

I am concerned about my ability to get employment (I have an executive level job here), leaving behind friends and family (I am separated but thankfully have a good relationship with my 2 children), leaving behind the social circle that has taken me so long since my separation to re-build.

My partner has said that she will not accept the job unless I go with her which to me, would be a HUGE sacrifice on her part as this opportunity is in a career that she has worked SO hard to develop her skills in and one that is limiting in Ireland at the moment.

I fear if I decide not to go and she declines the offer, at some point in the future this may/will have very negative consequences to our relationship.

I think the best way to describe my dilemma is "rock and hard place"!!

Any input, thoughts, advice is welcome.

CaraMay

I don't agree that she will regret it. She's a grown adult and if she doesn't want to go without you then that's her call.

I do think you are missing out on a great adventure and that your kids and friends will always be there.

magicmushroom

Ah I feel bad for you, what a horrible dilemma.

Is your partner happy in her current job here? Is she earning good money?
Are there career prospects where she currently is?

I ask because if she wants to stay with you, and her life here is happy, taking a new opportunity abroad might not be the best decision even if it is an amazing opportunity.

If she was early 20's, unemployed and struggling to find work in her field I'd be saying - hell yeah, she should go - but she's not and I don't think I'd like to lose the love of my life for a job if I was already very happy here.

A career is not the be all and end all, I would much rather be in a very loving relationship with a 'comfortable' job than an amazing job but without a partner who I love dearly.

LegacyUser

magicmushroom wrote: »

A career is not the be all and end all, I would much rather be in a very loving relationship with a 'comfortable' job than an amazing job but without a partner who I love dearly.

My dad had the same view and found himself in a depressed rut that started to hurt everyone around him. He took an office job because he had a wife and kids and bills to pay even though the job brought him little joy. After much discussion with said wife and kids in made a massive career change in his late 40's and ended overseas for 18 months at a time. Yeah it sucked to start, my mum missed him, we missed him but he came back a better person. He could take several months off then and just spend time with us (all my siblings and I were finished school or nearly finished when this happened)

A career is not a job, its something you have a passion and a drive for. I say find a balance OP, do you have to move? Can you take a career break for a few months and travel with her? If she went on her own how often would you be able to go or her come home? Plenty of couples in the armed forces etc etc spend considerable time apart, hell I work in film production and our current project one of our crew has been 'away' from her husband for nearly a year now but they see each other at least once a month with flying back and forth. Your not teenagers so sit down and talk about this, go through all your options and find that solution that works for both of you.

CaraMay

I agree with mushroom. Once you get on, you value relationships more. I wouldn't break up my relationship to move for a job. I also wouldn't resent him if he didn't want to go. Just be straight with her. That's all she can ask

magicmushroom

can't log in wrote: »

My dad had the same view and found himself in a depressed rut that started to hurt everyone around him. He took an office job because he had a wife and kids and bills to pay even though the job brought him little joy. After much discussion with said wife and kids in made a massive career change in his late 40's and ended overseas for 18 months at a time. Yeah it sucked to start, my mum missed him, we missed him but he came back a better person. He could take several months off then and just spend time with us (all my siblings and I were finished school or nearly finished when this happened)

A career is not a job, its something you have a passion and a drive for. I say find a balance OP, do you have to move? Can you take a career break for a few months and travel with her? If she went on her own how often would you be able to go or her come home? Plenty of couples in the armed forces etc etc spend considerable time apart, hell I work in film production and our current project one of our crew has been 'away' from her husband for nearly a year now but they see each other at least once a month with flying back and forth. Your not teenagers so sit down and talk about this, go through all your options and find that solution that works for both of you.

Well I did start by asking if she is currently happy in her job and if it has career prospects, basing my advice on the answer being yes.

If she was terribly unhappy in her current position and moving abroad was the only way for her to get out of the misery then my advice would probably be different.