Excluded from family event

PearlJ

Long time reader, first time poster. I am looking for peoples opinion on this as I have found it hugely upsetting and unfair.

My mother's anniversary is apporaching and a mass was booked to mark it. My family decided not to tell me about it because in my father's words, 'I have no business going as I don't go to mass'.
This is true, I am an atheist and my children are not christened but I have always attended family anniversary masses and ironically, tend to be only one in my family that bothers going to them at all.

My sisters went along with it and informed everyone. I later found out by accident.
When I did find out, both my sisters rolled their eyes and smirked, as if to say Oh God, who told the b****h.

Yet they still refused to tell me the time and place of the mass.

I have since found out one of my sisters is hosting a family get together after the mass. This is something I have always done, for years. I also wasn't invited.

The reason I find this so upsetting, aside from the fact that I have been completely excluded, is that my sister didn't speak to any of my mother's family for years and never, ever had a good word to say about any of them and refused to invite them to any family event for many years. In recent years, she has chnaged her mind and been welcomed back in to the fold with no apology or explanation, despite the really horrible stuff she said about them.

I'm not sure now whether to go or not. There is no point speaking to my sisters or Dad, they are not good with emotional conversation and always end up on the verbal attack. They are also the type that if you say something to one, she'll be straight on the phone to other and I'll be made out to be a drama queen.

I welcome any advice.

zoobizoo

Leave it be.

Remember her in your own way and get in touch with her family directly.

Theirs is hardly the most christian way of acting.

Not sure why you'd want to keep in touch with them after that carry on

LegacyUser

zoobizoo wrote: »

Leave it be.

Remember her in your own way and get in touch with her family directly.

Theirs is hardly the most christian way of acting.

Not sure why you'd want to keep in touch with them after that carry on

+ 1 Do the above OP. If your in touch with your mums family then contact them yourself to have a meet up to remember her. I've got family who carry on like that sometimes because myself, brother and mum are non-religious, honestly have no time for any of them. Yeah it can feel hurtful but at the end of the it's not worth stressing yourself over.

Jamaican Me Crazy

I'd be inclined to agree. Their behaviour is completely toxic and you don't need that.
Go to you mams grave and bring some flowers or do whatever you feel comfortable with to remember her by.

This must be very hurtful for you

Dubgal1980

I'd be definitely severing all ties with your so called sisters ! Do your own thing to mark your mams anniversary , sounds like going to mass hasn't helped them much in life !

The Dark Side

Err, why do you want to hang out with these people so much?

LadyFenghuang

I am very sorry for your loss and for the consequent drama.

It's your mother's mass too. You have a right to be there. If you feel it's too much drama then don't. But if you want to do so calmly.

families go through patches of things sometimes. Keep lines of communication open. I think it's up to you what you do. These events bring out high emotions.

If you feel it will be too much drama for you and it's healthier to stay away then do so.

I can imagine it would all be very anxiety inducing.

It's only natural you might feel rejection. Perhaps the reason they actually welcomed the sister is because they were afraid of losing her. They had not seen her in so long. The prodical son etc. Try not to feel hurt.


If you feel it would be too much stress and anxiety do what you feel you need to.

Rubberchikken

if the mass is in a church, you can attend. that they can't stop. but i don't think it's the way to go in these circumstances.

has something else happened to have them behaving like this? they obviously know you don't practice a religion, they obviously know your children aren't christened.
it's very silly behaviour from aults towards a family member and i can never understand how people behave like this, but sometimes it's something very small and silly that starts it all off.

if you can't or don't want to be involved with them in remembering your mother, then honour her anniversary in your own way with your family.

PearlJ

Thank you for your replies everyone. One of my sisters contacted me and apologised, Said she completely forgot and assumed I would be told. I accept this. The other, was confronted by sister 1 and didn't give a ****e either way.

LegacyUser

OP: this has happened me on a number of occasions....most recently not being invited to my nephews christening. I wouldnt have been able to travel to it anyway, But i would have liked The opportunity to put a Card and present in The post. I was gutted about it because i was so excited for my brother who became a dad late in life, and The fact that how i found out about it was from pics uploaded to Facebook by my sisters boyfriend.
There is no point in over analysing....this has happened and can't now be changed. My advice, Just get on with your own thing...and leave them off.