Old aged people home?

readyletsgo

Really have no idea where to ask this on boards but maybe a mod could point me in the right direction?

So I'm looking after my Alzheimer's father about 3 years (he has Lewy Bodies had it much longer) while working full time and thankfully we have home help in the mornings and lunch time for a hour each time.

But over the past while he has worsened, not difficult to live with but not all there and I think it might be time to look into homes for him, be it now or 6 months or in a year, but I have no idea where to start with it all and prices I hear are crazy which adds even more stress to this horrible situation.

I'm 33, life is very much on hold for me now. I need to also think of myself. But my God, the fear and thoughts of a home for him is something I just don't want to think about and feel maybe he doesn't need to go into a home for a very long time. But when I speak to friends about things that happen they instantly say 'do you think it's time you looked into a home for him?' But from my side I'm seeing him and what's happening every day.

My bother has brought him to the doctor this morning for a check up and stuff and I asked him to ask the doctor about an old folks home, he kinda agreed, and no harm in asking, but my dad's doctor is not great with information tbh, a bit 'get them in, get them out' attitude.

I see old people's homes a a death sentence tbh, but I also 'kinda' know that they provide a service for all sorts of people, as in the very old, maybe a lot younger, people with disabilities etc.

It's just so much to deal with, but any advice would be very much appreciated!

Thanks for reading.

Rubberchikken

i'm sorry you're dealing with this. it's difficult to watch a parent getting old and getting more incapable of minding themselves.

a gp in your dad's practice will explain about care homes and what's involved.also individual homes in an area are contactable and would have someone who could give you the information you'll need.

best of luck

Taltos

Your father may be eligible for the HSE Fair Deal Scheme, where they'll fund a large % of the cost of care based on his income. They will however use his home as insurance and when sold will be owed I think 25 or 33% - the HSE can inform you better.

It's best to start all this now - it can take months to get it in place.

Also if you think your father may not be of sound mind for much longer get medical and legal advice about getting legal documentation in place to enact at that stage if necessary where legally you can make decisions for him. Much easier now than waiting until that time where you may need to go to court to do so. If his GP is not great go and talk to another, many GPs will have seen this type of issue and will be able to advise you. Be prepared though it is a struggle but it's much easier to do it all now with your father's help than later.

eg. Becoming a co-signee on his bank, getting approval to talk to his service providers (electricity, phone etc).

Miaireland

If you can ask your father's gp for the name and number of the HSE placement coordinator. They help families find places in Nursing homes for their loved ones.He or she would be able to advice you on situable care homes for your father, how to apply for grants etc.

Your father may be eligible for the HSE Fair Deal Scheme.

Your may consider getting your father reviewed by a Geriartrician, I think this is part of the process in order to apply for Nursing Support Scheme Application.

I also suggest contacting your local public health nurse who may be able to offer advice.

Als the Alzheimers association of Ireland may be able to offer you support and advice.

readyletsgo

Thanks for the advice! We have power of eterny all sorted out since last year thank God. We were advised on all of that at the time, took a while for him to agree to it but, that's done.

So my brother spoke to the gp this morning, she gave him loads of information on nursing homes and options but basically said it's really up to us to decide if it's time to make this move but he would greatly benefit from being there instead of being at home sitting in a chair 7 days a week, which I understand completely. We've decided to look into everything over the summer, the homes, hse, payments and costs etc and see where and how he is by Sept/Oct. So we'll get the finger out now and try get a place for him for around then or next year if it's possible.

On my end (and my brothers), I see it as I can get some of my life back on track and maybe have a normal relationship with my father instead of caring for him.

Taltos

Be prepared some nursing homes have large waiting lists.
Go in and have a walk around, talk to people - get a sense for the place.

eg
> do they specialise in dementia / alz
> are there regular physio visits (and would your father agree to it)
> what types of activities are organised
> are there private rooms or will your father have to share (and again how would he feel about that)
> are there hidden costs, eg services they don't provide in house but come and visit, eg hairdressers, chiropodists
> are there other guests there that your father might know and get on with

But follow the advice above about the geriatrician and also do some legwork to get a sense for a good fit.
Finally - look out for yourself here too - it's too easy to burn out or take on too much (work / blame), find an outlet or talk to someone but don't bottle it in.

Goldenlady

Hi Op,


not sure if I can offer much help, but my mom has been in a nursing home since I was 19 (17 years ago now) and we struggled too with the thoughts and guilty feelings of putting her in there, but believe me once you do your research and ensure its the approriate home for your father, it really will be the best place for him.
you can still visit in the evenings & they will try include him in activities etc. it might take him time to settle but you will get back some of your freedom

We use the fair deal scheme and its certainly helped.


Best of luck

littlecat

Sounds like you're doing an amazing job, but it also sounds like you're getting to the point where you need more help.

You'll sleep more soundly knowing he's safe and cared for rather than maybe getting out of bed at night etc.

Do absolutely go and visit places, we had to find somewhere for an elderly relative after a stroke and we just rang and made appointments to go in and look around. What we didn't understand was that with fair deal, whichever place you go to you pay the same and they pay the balance so don't be afraid of picking the best. Get all that sorted up front and get his name on waiting lists as you'll have several months wait. And you can always say no when they phone with a place - you just go back to the back of the queue.

From what I recall his pension goes towards it entirely. Then he keeps around 35k of savings untouched and a percentage of the balance goes towards it per year, plus a percentage of the value of his property per year for three years only. Fair deal then pays whatever else is needed.

All the best and well done again on doing such a great job in difficult circumstances.

baby and crumble

Hey OP, I'd also advise you to contact the alzheimers society or the Carers Association for support for both of you. They'll have a tons of advice and help for you.