Playing games

aislingmcurran

I'm looking for advice so I can make sense of a situation I have found myself in. I met a guy on Tinder last July and we really hit it off. We saw each other all the time went for a weekend away after 5 weeks. All was going amazingly well. He told me he thought I was his soul mate and he was crazy about me. It was like I had met the person I was meant to be with.

Then his ex started contacting him. She had broken up with him and really hurt him. She had decided to go to travelling and wanted to meet up before she went. I expressed concerns over them meeting as I felt it would create more questions for him and she wouldn't be able to give him the answers he wanted. He met her anyway and when he came to see me he told me she was in his past and wanted me to be his future. Things continued great for a while but he slowly started to slide into depression. One minute he'd tell me I was the best thing that happened to him and the next he would say that he didn't think his feelings for me were strong enough. I then found out he was texting his ex when she was away and he tried to deny it. I was really upset that he had lied to me about being in touch with her and I felt betrayed. We were due to go abroad a couple of days later and I reluctantly agreed to still go. I went with the intention of seeing how we got on and we had a great time. He told me he would be lost without me.

However 6 weeks later he was getting more depressed, he was signed off work and he told me he didn't want to be In a relationship. He instantly changed his mind about breaking up but I told him we both needed to take time to consider what we wanted. I was devastated and really didn't want to break up. We still continued to see each other and we talked every day. About a month after we took some time he said he didn't want to be in a relationship as he felt he needed to concentrate on himself. I was heartbroken and felt that we could have worked together to help him through his rough patch.

We kept in touch every day and we would hang out occasionally watching tv. He started inviting me out to dinner and drinks but just as friends. I politely refused and explained it was too hard for me as I wanted more than just friends and if he wanted us to go out like a couple we would need to be a couple. He told me I was being stubborn and unreasonable. That was two weeks ago. We cut contact for about a week and we are now in touch every couple of days. He's now told me he has a present organised for my birthday.

Is he just playing games with me? Why buy a present for someone you don't want to be with?

Any advice would be welcome.

milli milli

I would cut contact with him, as hard as that may be for you.
He's stringing you along, keeping you close in case he ever changes his mind, feels like company, booty call, whatever.

You deserve someone who wants you all the time and doesn't keep changing his mind about you. You're gold, you shouldn't need to convince someone of your value.
Good luck OP

R.D. aka MR.D

He's stringing you along. 100%.

Cut contact. Never speak to him again. It'll be hard at first but slowly you will get over him and move on. Stay strong. You are worth better than this guy who thinks it's acceptable to not only string you along but when to meet his ex after you explicitly said that you didn't want him to. What will happen when she gets back? If she doesn't want him then he'll be straight back to you but if she does then he'll be the one to cut contact with you (for a while until he needs another option.)

Get this chancer out of your life.

LadyFenghuang

I don't think either of you sound ready for a relationship. I think you should both move on to more positive things.

He seems up and down. And you seem insecure. Meeting an ex is perfectly acceptable. I understand you might be sensitive but it seems it really affected you adversely.

He seems hot and cold. I agree with the above stringing along I think is appropriate. There is too much emotional drama here. He should make you feel secure.

Penny Tration

I think you're both messing each other about.

He doesn't want a relationship. You said to take time to think about what you both want. Yet you both continued to see each other and continued to talk.

It's clear that after a year of messing about, neither of you are good for each other.

Time to cut contact and move in, for both your sakes.

FurBabyMomma

Yes he's playing games and he's wasted nearly a year of your life while he's at it. Don't let him waste another. You need to treat this as a break up and cut all contact or else he'll keep drawing you back in only to cut you loose again.

OneOfThem

He's told you he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. If one of two people don't want to be in a relationship then there's no relationship. It's that simple, sorry. Tell him it's best you don't have any contact as you both want different things, say goodbye, then block his number. Move on. You've been broken up with.

pookie82

aislingmcurran wrote: »

He started inviting me out to dinner and drinks but just as friends. I politely refused and explained it was too hard for me as I wanted more than just friends and if he wanted us to go out like a couple we would need to be a couple. He told me I was being stubborn and unreasonable. That was two weeks ago. We cut contact for about a week and we are now in touch every couple of days. He's now told me he has a present organised for my birthday.

Is this lad living in la la land? He still wants to do everything a couple does (dinner, drinks, presents) but not BE a couple?

Do yourself a massive favour and cut him off. If you don't, he'll play you like a banjo for months or even years.

He has nothing to offer you but indecision and grief. Tell him to hang onto his gift and stick it where he stuck your relationship.

gigglemuch82

Tbh, he sounds like he has lots of issues. Stay well clear and save yourself some trouble.