I don't want to work. Laziness or something deeper?

LegacyUser

Don't really know where to start, I just feel depressed and like I've wasted the last few years of my life pursuing something I hate. I completed an honors degree in a computer science related subject last summer I did great in it and achieved a first class honors. But despite doing well in it I never truly liked anything I was doing in the course such as database management or software development, I suppose what got me through it was my girlfriend was in the college so it was easy to meet up and I genuinely got on with my class mates they were a good crowd.

After college it took me quiet awhile to actually find something but I eventually landed a job as a system admin, which is what I'm doing now its all stuff related to what I was doing in college so naturally its the kind of job I was searching for and honestly I absolutely hate it I've been there a little over 2 months now.

Its a 9 to 5 office job and I hate every minute of it, I hate the environment, I hate my core duties, and I hate being surrounded by people I simply can't relate too there not bad people but I'm 28 and even at my age I'm by far the youngest person there and we simply have nothing in common I feel like an alien. The job itself I can do no problem its not hard work in particular and it does pay fairly well but the money doesn't motivate me in the slightest. I simply don't want to work I go in everyday and can't help but feel I'd be happier if I just stayed in bed and never got back out.

I feel like nobody understands how I feel, anybody I talk too girlfriend included feel I'm insane to feel the way that I do and that I should consider lucky that I even have a job, but the way I feel is even if I leave the job I'll just feel the exact same in another similar job so whats the point? I was never much of a big spender and I've always lived a very modest life I don't drink or have any other expensive habits/hobbies even before finding the job I was getting by reasonably well.

I also feel like If I'm in this job or a similar one I have to do this for the next 40 years and why? Just to get by? because society frowns on a person who doesn't have a job? I think its madness that I'll have to work a 40 hour a week job for the next 40 years too keep everyone around me happy rather than myself, Like what kinda life is that, work till your 65 at which stage your too old to enjoy life to the fullest.

I don't know what to do my head is a mess I cant even enjoy life outside of work because everyday I finish all I can think about is having to go in the next day and the weekends are the same I'm in a bad mood all weekend over the thought of Monday.

I have some ideas about what to do to make things right but I need some neutral advice those around me are no help and my longtime girlfriend has threaten to leave me if I do leave which isn't helping either just heaping more stress on me.

I'm thinking perhaps I need to leave regardless and find a part time job instead I think the strain of a 40 hour week is too much for me its consuming my life and I don't know how much longer I can cope with it before I snap, with a part time role somewhere perhaps even in something I don't like I could cope a whole lot better as it doesn't take up my whole life and still allows me to make a living for myself.

Another way I'm thinking is I made the wrong career choice and I just need to go out and find a job which is ideal to me to the extent that the job doesn't feel like its a job at all.

Anyway sorry about the long story its just weighing really heavily on me and some advice/direction would be great.
thanks

CaraMay

What are your ambitions in life? House, car, kids? I suppose I think about 50% of people live their lives while absolutely hating their jobs yet do it to get by. I don't think working part time is a good plan, is it?

ABajaninCork

I think you've probably made the wrong career choice TBH. You need to sit down and figure out what you want in life and how to achieve that.

I'd also see a GP, and see about getting some counselling. Your mindset at the moment doesn't seem like a healthy one.

Not working is not an option. How are you going to eat, live, keep clothes on your back and a roof over your head?? You thought about that??? Welfare isn't the cushy number some people would have you believe. It's soul-destroying and eats away at your self-esteem. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.

Get help. Soon.

Hope it works out for you.

R.D. aka MR.D

You mention that people work until they are too old to enjoy life to the fullest.

What does enjoy life to the fullest mean to you?

To be honest, I can see where your girlfriend is coming from. If you don't have a job then you won't be able to do things that she might want to do/save for.

I'll be honest with you, I hate working. I'd rather not but what gets me through is that I work towards something. Since leaving college, I've always worked towards a goal. For the last 5 years now, I've worked a year and travelled 6 months/3 months and then worked another year, repeat. I want to return to college to do a masters in 2/3 years so I'll work towards towards that. So everyday when I have to drag myself to work, I have one eye on the prize (something I want).

So, what do you want OP?

If the answer is nothing, then I would recommend as another poster has to visit your GP just to see if there is anything else going on with you.

ComfortKid

Anyone who says they want to work is a liar! No one wants to waste there free time and energy to make some rich people richer. It's just something you have to do to live the high life.

LegacyUser

I hear you.

Nobody wants to work, fair enough. But it is absolutely soul-destroying to be in a job you hate. The recession meant that I ended up in a job I despise, despite having started on a different career path beforehand. I would give a lot to be able to stand up and just walk out of it, but I have bills to pay. It's eating me up inside though and causing me huge amounts of stress.It affects my mood, there are tears, and I just feel like I'm stuck in a rut going in endless circles. I'm doing my best to find something else, but it's slow, slow, slow. But I have been unemployed, and it's equally soul-destroying, so I wouldn't recommend it.

You definitely need to see someone to talk to for starters. And you need to have a long long think about where you would like to be. Look around your area, see are there groups or places that you might be able to volunteer for, that might be of interest and take you into another career/area of work.

I will also say something else. I don't think people fully realise the effect of coming out of college and into the workplace on graduates. There are a lot of posts on these boards about people just out of college or who are 24/25 years old, who are completely lost, don't know where they're going or what they're doing - have found themselves in a job,and are trying to figure out what they should do next. Realisation is dawning on them that they are now fully in control and there's a lot of working life ahead of them! It's a bit of a shock to go from the structured education system, with clearly defined goals, into the world of work where you control your life and set your goals. I think a lot of people get a few months in and think "is this it"??? I know I certainly did, so you are definitely not the only one.

Having said that, I think you have made a bad career choice, and that you should go and speak to someone like your GP, or a career coach. Hold onto the job you have, but if you are proactively trying to do something about your situation, it will make you feel better.

Rubberchikken

doing a job i love, i love working. having experienced doing a job i hate and dreading every minute of it, hating sunday because soon it would be monday again, counting the minutes to going home but knowing that the next day would come around quickly. it was truly awful.

you've shown that you can work to have gained a degree, you're capable of doing the job you have. you just don't like it.
maybe a rethink on what you actually want from life would be time well spent. a chat with your gp would be good too.

end of the day, you have to decide what you want to do. good luck.

Minera

I think this is more than job satisfaction! Go to the gp tell him/her what you said here. Get his advise then look to getting a new job if that's what you need. But I think your work situation contributes to your feelings rather than being the cause. Good luck op!

rcarroll

OP, first off, I don't think you're lazy, or crazy, or doing anything wrong.

It's good that you've realised you don't like your job, and here's the thing - most people don't like their job, but they stick at it out of fear, then it becomes too late to change - don't be that person!!

I think our generation has been royally screwed with the notion that we must do something we love AND be succesful - fact is, that just isn't attainable for the majority of people. And so, we have a crisis and feel like we're a failure when we don't achieve it. But that doesn't mean you have to stick at what you hate. Use this feeling and sense of questioning to push yourself. You're obviously bored at work and the environment isn't suited to you or challenging you. So your options are
A) go find another company, where the people might be nicer. You mentioned your colleagues in college helped get you through - maybe that's what's most important for you.
Go after a harder job and challenge yourself. Keep challenging yourself and look at the job spec not only the cash payout- that's how most people end up succesful, by constantly learning and striving to improve.
C) Change career - try internships or talking to people, look at what you love to do when you have free time, pursue it.
D) Find happiness/challenge outside of work and live for that- see work as just a means to an end.

Most people find a balance in D. I've ended up working in a job that makes me happy, I genuinely don't mind goign to work on a Monday. But, and here's the kicker, the older you get, the more you're going to realise that a house, family etc are important. Just be careful that you don't throw away the chance for those things to chase a dream. It's sad, but a lot of my friends as we go into our mid-30's are realising that we might never have those things, it's a choice we weren't fully aware of in our mid-20's, we always assumed it would just happen, but fact is, you have to start saving and sometimes suck it up in a job you don't like to get the other things. I'm ok with my choice, and accept it, but be aware of it all the same.

Gregor Samsa

StressedandConfused wrote: »

I also feel like If I'm in this job or a similar one I have to do this for the next 40 years and why? Just to get by? because society frowns on a person who doesn't have a job?

It's not that society frowns on a person who doesn't have a job, it's that society frowns on a person who expects the rest of society to fund them if they're not willing to work for a living. No one minds you not working if you're independently wealthy and can afford not to engage in paid employment. And no one minds society funding you if you're genuinely unable to work (through disability, or whatever). And most people don't mind if you're on the dole between jobs. But most people would have a big problem with someone just saying "Work's for losers, I'm not going to waste my time with that. I'm going to kick back and enjoy my free time. By the way, everyone else can pay for me."

A few people have said that no-one enjoys working. That's just not true. I really enjoy my job. There are days that drive me nuts, but most of the time I wake up looking forward to going in and doing my day's work. I've been in situations before (actually in the same company I'm in now) where I hated my job, so I know what it's like, but just because you feel that way now doesn't mean you'll always feel this way about work. Maybe you need to find a career that you're passionate about - or a work environment which makes your work day more enjoyable.

LadyFenghuang

StressedandConfused wrote: »

I'd be happier if I just stayed in bed and never got back out.

That's not right.

You are in the wrong job for you. Listen you get to CHOOSE what you do. Consider some professional career advice.

I agree with Phutyle look around for what you feel will make you happy.

The place you describe above seems to me to be a dark depressing future.If you feel like that i really think you do need to see a GP. You deserve more than that. Touch base with a GP. Also hobbies balance life.

And really think about what you would LIKE To do.

MrWalsh

I hate working. Every job Ive ever had has just been me working hard to make a grey haired old man richer.

Dont get me wrong, Im good at what I do and have a good well paying job, I like the people I work with, I even enjoy some of the work itself - but I just hate having to work.

I was redundant for a period of time and it was the most wonderful time of my adult life ever. I constantly dream about retirement and how to make it happen earlier.

Like an earlier poster mentioned, I constantly have goals I am working toward. Thats how I distract myself from the mundane activity of 9-5.30 Monday to Friday.

It was in my first year working full time after finishing my first post grad that I looked out the window one day and the realisation hit me "Is this it for the next 40 odd years?".

People talk about doing something they love or looking forward to work - its never been me. I cant even think of a job Id like to do. Once it becomes job it becomes boring to me.

I only do it to have a good standard of living and to pay for the things that I like to do to distract myself from the fact that I have to work full time.

iusedtoknow

StressedandConfused wrote: »

I also feel like If I'm in this job or a similar one I have to do this for the next 40 years and why? Just to get by? because society frowns on a person who doesn't have a job? I think its madness that I'll have to work a 40 hour a week job for the next 40 years too keep everyone around me happy rather than myself, Like what kinda life is that, work till your 65 at which stage your too old to enjoy life to the fullest.


Another way I'm thinking is I made the wrong career choice and I just need to go out and find a job which is ideal to me to the extent that the job doesn't feel like its a job at all.

Society rightly looks down on people that don't contribute - Social Security/free medical etc all have to come from someones pockets. That is the taxpayers. There are obviously people that can't work due to physical or mental disability, but if someone chooses not to work - then I think that society are right to look down on them.

My father is 68 and just retired - after 40 years in a job he loved. He was a doctor and the last few years of his career has been doing locum work in NZ and Australia. He and my mam are off to Peru/Bolivia/Chile and Argentina for a few months - then coming back via South Africa where his sister lives before going off on Safari. Next year they plan on India and then back to Australia to watch England in the cricket. They eventually will make it back to Ireland but will knowing them get itchy feet soon. He worked 60-80 hours a week right up to the end of his professional life in Ireland, and now deserves his time to do whatever the hell he wants with his money. He worked hard and now deserves to play hard.

Personally? I also enjoy going to work - i work in an office and manage a group of talented developers and product owners. All of what we do will only benefit 50000 people max (all our apps and services are in house) but I get a real thrill bringing something from an idea to release. I won't do this forever, but I'll do it for as long as I enjoy it. I also enjoy switching my computer off at the end of the day, going for a bike ride, playing football with some friends, going for hikes and going to concerts. My work life, while taking up 40-50 hours a week of my life does not define my life - it is pretty secondary.

You need to really think about you want to do with your life - and find a way to enjoy whatever work you do and fit your hobbies and interests around it rather lie in bed all day hoping for something else to happen (spoiler...it won't)

LegacyUser

rcarroll wrote: »

OP, first off, I don't think you're lazy, or crazy, or doing anything wrong.

It's good that you've realised you don't like your job, and here's the thing - most people don't like their job, but they stick at it out of fear, then it becomes too late to change - don't be that person!!

I think our generation has been royally screwed with the notion that we must do something we love AND be succesful - fact is, that just isn't attainable for the majority of people. And so, we have a crisis and feel like we're a failure when we don't achieve it. But that doesn't mean you have to stick at what you hate. Use this feeling and sense of questioning to push yourself. You're obviously bored at work and the environment isn't suited to you or challenging you. So your options are
A) go find another company, where the people might be nicer. You mentioned your colleagues in college helped get you through - maybe that's what's most important for you.
Go after a harder job and challenge yourself. Keep challenging yourself and look at the job spec not only the cash payout- that's how most people end up succesful, by constantly learning and striving to improve.
C) Change career - try internships or talking to people, look at what you love to do when you have free time, pursue it.
D) Find happiness/challenge outside of work and live for that- see work as just a means to an end.

Most people find a balance in D. I've ended up working in a job that makes me happy, I genuinely don't mind goign to work on a Monday. But, and here's the kicker, the older you get, the more you're going to realise that a house, family etc are important. Just be careful that you don't throw away the chance for those things to chase a dream. It's sad, but a lot of my friends as we go into our mid-30's are realising that we might never have those things, it's a choice we weren't fully aware of in our mid-20's, we always assumed it would just happen, but fact is, you have to start saving and sometimes suck it up in a job you don't like to get the other things. I'm ok with my choice, and accept it, but be aware of it all the same.

A common thing I see among posts is find out what it is I actually want to do and pursue it, truth be told I don't really know myself what it is I want, life was structured in college there was defined goals and targets.

I suppose I want something more sociable something where I can chat to customers or other employees in a fairly informal manner whilst doing my job to the degree where the job doesn't feel like I'm doing a job anymore and that its simply a natural extension of the person I am already.

Like I said the people in this job aren't bad people but they are a lot older than me and I can't relate to them, not to mention the office feels like its full of robots who don't express themselves as they normally would outside of work

rcarrol,s post lays out pretty well how I feel and thank you for the suggestions also, I think one of them might be the right solution and the way forward for me

ShowMeTheCash

StressedandConfused wrote: »

A common thing I see among posts is find out what it is I actually want to do and pursue it, truth be told I don't really know myself what it is I want, life was structured in college there was defined goals and targets.

I suppose I want something more sociable something where I can chat to customers or other employees in a fairly informal manner whilst doing my job to the degree where the job doesn't feel like I'm doing a job anymore and that its simply a natural extension of the person I am already.

Like I said the people in this job aren't bad people but they are a lot older than me and I can't relate to them, not to mention the office feels like its full of robots who don't express themselves as they normally would outside of work

rcarrol,s post lays out pretty well how I feel and thank you for the suggestions also, I think one of them might be the right solution and the way forward for me

I do not think this has anything to do with the degree but perhaps more this particular job.

A computer science degree opens a variety of different roles!

Software development, games development, high frequenting trading applications cool multimedia streaming tools, there are a lot of interesting areas but from the above it just sounds like you lack motivation.

Anything worth doing I have found is never easy but if you can get into a sphere where the subject matter is interesting to you, you might find you will excel...

It might be the case you just don't know what interests you, in which case apply for a new jobs, every year move until you find one where you do not want to move!

ComfortKid

phutyle wrote:

It's not that society frowns on a person who doesn't have a job, it's that society frowns on a person who expects the rest of society to fund them if they're not willing to work for a living. No one minds you not working if you're independently wealthy and can afford not to engage in paid employment. And no one minds society funding you if you're genuinely unable to work (through disability, or whatever). And most people don't mind if you're on the dole between jobs. But most people would have a big problem with someone just saying "Work's for losers, I'm not going to waste my time with that. I'm going to kick back and enjoy my free time. By the way, everyone else can pay for me."

We always here of these people who "arnt willing to work for a living" yet I've never met one? The likes of you who probably been in secure employment have no idea how hard it is to get a job,especially for former construction workers. I haven't worked in 10 months now and I can assure you I'm desperate for a job,I've sent my CV to literally hundreds of employers, 99% of them havnt even the decency to acknowledge it. Now thats soul destroying. Then to have some clown like you generalize like that. Id say about 2 or 3% of unemployed people dont want to work! No one wants to live on 180 quid a week surley!

ComfortKid

Didn't mean to sound so aggressive in that post, but it makes my blood boil. I really dont think theres people who are happy to be on the dole. And there is a big stigma. It's so embarrassing when someone asks what I do and my answer is unemployed. I might aswell say I'm a drug dealer or a pick pocket, I'd get the same expression

ABajaninCork

ComfortKid wrote: »

Didn't mean to sound so aggressive in that post, but it makes my blood boil. I really dont think theres people who are happy to be on the dole. And there is a big stigma. It's so embarrassing when someone asks what I do and my answer is unemployed. I might aswell say I'm a drug dealer or a pick pocket, I'd get the same expression

I hear you. I've been there. I've had the idiots look down their noses at us because we couldn't get work. They don't realise that but there for the grace of God, they might travel the same road. And with the help of God, I'm going to do my b*llox not to go back down that road again...

MrWalsh

^^ No way. I LOVED it! I mean really really loved it. I didn't feel remotely ashamed or embarrassed, why on earth would I? You never have the opportunity as an adult to have so much time to yourself and be free to do all the things you enjoy doing. It was the best time of my life. But it was bankrolled by a redundancy payment so I accept that it wouldn't have been so great if the mortgage wasn't being paid.

LegacyUser

OP, I've been where you are. It's a combination of things really. First off, you need to see your GP because you do sound depressed. If you don't feel like they can or will help you, get a new one.

Then you're going to need something you're passionate about. If you don't have a hobby that you can turn into career, try temp jobs and relief work. Having a computer science background makes you look really good when applying for things, even if it's nothing to do with computing.

You'll find your place in the world OP, don't worry.

Gregor Samsa

ComfortKid wrote: »

We always here of these people who "arnt willing to work for a living" yet I've never met one? The likes of you who probably been in secure employment have no idea how hard it is to get a job,especially for former construction workers. I haven't worked in 10 months now and I can assure you I'm desperate for a job,I've sent my CV to literally hundreds of employers, 99% of them havnt even the decency to acknowledge it. Now thats soul destroying. Then to have some clown like you generalize like that. Id say about 2 or 3% of unemployed people dont want to work! No one wants to live on 180 quid a week surley!

My post was in direct response to someone who started this thread specifically saying that they don't want to work. My post also clearly differentiated between people who didn't want to work, and people who wanted to, but couldn't.

That you misinterpreted it to apply to your completely different situation is unfortunate, but not my doing. Please read the OP and my post again, and see if the personal abuse ("clown") and unfounded assumptions (that I've never been out of work) that you've levied against me are actually warranted.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

Est28

OP,
Just throwing this out there but I studied in a similar field. To a point I don't really fit the mold either of the computer science lads. I mean, I do love what I do but while the lads would have lan parties after hours, I'd grab a few pints with some other lads... but anyway, I can sort of understand where you're coming from so I'll throw this out there.

There are a MILLION things you can do with your training. Some are brilliant, and some bore me to death.

Honetly, anything like sys admin or DBA is a nightmare. It work for some people but honestly, you don't need a CS degree to do it and it's just boring and repetitive as hell. CS can lead to tons of different roles... after going through a few to "earn my stripes" after college I finally got into a project I absolutely love because it's creative and fun and we actually build cool stuff.

I'd look around a bit more as to what you can do with it. Sys Admin just isn't an exciting life, I'll agree.

2nd point is about work culture. Again, there's tons of places you can go. Sounds like you got into a typical sort of office environment with older married people. I know the way. Then again there's tons of places like startups and even office environments where they tend to go for younger people with new ideas instead of the 20 year vets. The older guys are great at what they do but they've been doing it for 20 years and don't change. There's no fun, there's no life. There's no socializing or afterwork pints.
Then again, other companies are total opposite, some let you dress casual, some smart, some have more of a social culture, some don't.

There's just a HUGE world of jobs and places and types of jobs

LegacyUser

ComfortKid wrote: »

Anyone who says they want to work is a liar!

Well call me a liar so cus I want to work but I opted for a career that I love. I'm doing something creative that gets me excited to get up in the morning and I don't want to go home in the evenings. It's tough work, can have high stress but it's such a challenge I don't have time to get worked up about it. I also get to travel a lot and my job is freelance contract base so I get paid well and have several weeks if not a couple of months off in the year. I've gone around the world twice now on my time off. I ended up in a field I didn't like and knew I would be happy so I sat down and thought what it was I really liked and figured out how to do it. I'd great support though from my parents as my dad have been forced into a career by his parents that he hated and always felt trapped by and after seeing me push for what I wanted he changed careers in 50's to an overseas job that had him a different person.

Op things aren't going to fall in your lap, your going to have to put the effort in and you know what it might such a for a few years trying to get if but unless you win the lotto or inherit a fortune there's no other route to go but putting the effort in. Speak to your GP, find a career coach and look at your options.

alias06

OP I could have written that myself.

I suffer with depression and feel my depression is made worse by my job. I suspect you are somewhat in the same boat. I doubt this is solely about your job. I'm sure you have felt down at other times in your life and right now your job is focus of your distress and low mood.

But don't make any rash decisions. Don't quit your job without having an alternative. You might think you will feel better if you quit, but when the money runs out and your girlfriend leaves you, and you are sitting around the house all day, you will hit a new low.

The reality is that most people don't get to work in jobs they love or even like or want. Most people work to get by and accept their job for what it gives them i.e. the money to afford a decent lifestyle. You could apply for other jobs in IT, there are loads of IT jobs going at the moment and maybe in the new company there would be more young people. Or maybe there's some avenue you could take to improve things building on your skills, e.g. start your own IT business. You could move up a level and get into management, where your people skills would be more highly valued.

Either way you are going to have to accept that you are where you are and try to make the best of it.

ihavenoname3

Est28 wrote: »

<Mod Note: Post deleted, poster banned for a week. PI will no longer tolerate posts that are below our standards.>

Ha

Taltos

[Mod Note]

Post deleted and Est28 banned for a week from this forum for insulting the OP and crossing the line in harsh or tough love advice.
Just a reminder to everyone, PI is here to help people with their issues where they feel they have no where else to go. For many it's a last resort. And if you don't think an issue is "big" enough then that's fine - it's your opinion but please accept to an OP it could be a very large issue, and one where they desperately need outside guidance.

If you cannot give CONSTRUCTIVE advice in a CIVIL way then just don't post. Don't even read the threads here. Browse elsewhere and have fun in another forum. You might think you're helping but where tough love crosses the line into potential abuse or similar we will step in and are from this point on more likely to simply ban you and remove your posts from this forum.

ihavenoname3

W

Wompa1

What did you do for work before the sysadmin job? Did you enjoy that at all?

L'prof

I can totally relate to thinking you've made a bad career choice and can't relate to colleagues and so on. However, I'm not sure if you leave that job you'll go on to find one you're completely content in.

You say you have bills to pay. What kind of bills? Have you upped on the mortgage train yet? Could you save up enough cash to take a career break to travel the world? Do your current employers support that kind of thing? Even though you're not happy in your current job after a year abroad you could come back with a different perspective. Or not come back at all! Plenty of jobs over in Oz. Maybe a change of lifestyle would be enough to get you over the hump?

As others have suggested, see a GP too.

Liamario

By the sounds of things, your mental state isn't going to change whether you are working or not. I would suggest firstly that you don't quit your job, as it's not going to fix the problem you are having and in fact create a new problem of having little to no money.

I think you do need to go talk to someone professionally though and also talk to everyone and anyone you can. It'll help you to figure out what's going on and help relieve that sense of hopelessness.

TwoGallants

I've been there OP. I'll tell you what I did, maybe it can offer some inspiration.

I gave myself a saving goal for six months. If I over-saved, I'd buy something for myself. I invested it a bit and now have a regular cash flow from that (rent seeking, so 21st century) You know who makes money nowadays? Capital, not labour. As long as you're working towards making someone else rich you're going to be fundamentally alienated from your work.

I travelled. I now teach abroad and work on average 15 hours a week. This is just my rent money. I live on my investment income. If that goes belly up, I can always work more hours.

The biggest change is that I am in control of my own destiny. I'm not in hock to anyone or any company. If your girlfriend is threatening to leave you then maybe its a sign that you are fundamentally not suited to one another.

If you're making good money you should be saving loads. Then you should travel. Ideally you should find a way to convert your savings into continuous income flow and get to the point where you can more or less live off that.

You think rich people are any more talented or hard working than you? They just know the game and how to play it. Nobody works if they can get away with it. There is nothing inherently nobel about working for other people, so that they can get rich off your labour.

So my advice is to quit, but do so with a plan!

TwoGallants

Liamario wrote: »

By the sounds of things, your mental state isn't going to change whether you are working or not. I would suggest firstly that you don't quit your job, as it's not going to fix the problem you are having and in fact create a new problem of having little to no money.

I disagree. His mental state is probably influenced by what he is doing. He spends 40 hours a week doing something he hates, why do people maintain that depression and this cold hard fact is unrelated? Maybe he shouldn't quit on a whim, but I would strongly encourage him to change his lifestyle and the conditions of his life if he wants to be content...

bolopapa

If you hate work, then don't. But you need to consider the fact that you likely would have a wife and kid. Have you included them in your no work campaign. If not, please don't quit your job. Life is not always about you, stop thinking only of yourself.

alias06

TwoGallants wrote: »

I've been there OP. I'll tell you what I did, maybe it can offer some inspiration.

I gave myself a saving goal for six months. If I over-saved, I'd buy something for myself. I invested it a bit and now have a regular cash flow from that (rent seeking, so 21st century) You know who makes money nowadays? Capital, not labour. As long as you're working towards making someone else rich you're going to be fundamentally alienated from your work.

I travelled. I now teach abroad and work on average 15 hours a week. This is just my rent money. I live on my investment income. If that goes belly up, I can always work more hours.

Eh how did you save enough to live off the investment income? You would have to save a huge amount of money and it would be almost impossible to do in any ordinary job. You would need to save at least 300k and then be sure of earning at least 5 or 6 per cent annually??? Then maybe you could live off it in a poor country. Not an option for most people.

TwoGallants

alias06 wrote: »

Eh how did you save enough to live off the investment income? You would have to save a huge amount of money and it would be almost impossible to do in any ordinary job. You would need to save at least 300k and then be sure of earning at least 5 or 6 per cent annually??? Then maybe you could live off it in a poor country. Not an option for most people.

I got lucky with oil (good foresight or just good luck, not so sure) When I say 'living' from the income, I mean I buy and sell. I still have a few investments knocking around but the majority came from buying and selling. Unless you're a pension fund most people don't get their money from passive investing. And I never had anything like 300k!

Muir

I was in a similar position recently, and I left my job. I had never been more miserable in my life. Like you, I feel that another 40+ hour a week job isn't going to make me any happier. But I haven't for one second regretted my decision to leave. Not even when I have people tell me what a mistake it is and that I'm throwing away my education and a great opportunity. I don't know what I want to do, but I do know I don't want to spend my life being miserable in a job I hate and never having time to actually live my life.

I don't believe it's laziness. It's just having the sense to see that if you are spending so much of your time doing something you hate, that you barely even have the time to spend the money you're earning on the things that make you happy, and you are miserable most of the time, then what is the point really? That's not a good way to spend your life.

Like other posters, I advise talking to your GP. I did, and it was a big help with making the best decision for myself.
Best of luck, I hope you find the right thing for you.

alias06

Muir wrote: »

I was in a similar position recently, and I left my job. I had never been more miserable in my life. Like you, I feel that another 40+ hour a week job isn't going to make me any happier. But I haven't for one second regretted my decision to leave. Not even when I have people tell me what a mistake it is and that I'm throwing away my education and a great opportunity. I don't know what I want to do, but I do know I don't want to spend my life being miserable in a job I hate and never having time to actually live my life.

Yes but what did you do for an income? I mean most of us would love to jack in the day job if we could but if the alternative is penury then that's not really ideal either.

Muir

alias06 wrote: »

Yes but what did you do for an income? I mean most of us would love to jack in the day job if we could but if the alternative is penury then that's not really ideal either.

Fair question, I don't have any major financial obligations, I'm young and have no children or mortgage. I've been able to do casual work since I left with the option of as much or as little as I want so obviously I'm lucky to have that until I find the right thing for me.

I guess I just wanted the OP to know that it's not laziness, and that yes, there will be people who tell you it's the wrong decision and all the rest of it. But only you know what's right for you, and if that's part time work or maybe freelance work in computing or something else entirely, that's okay. I am lucky that I have a supporting boyfriend because I don't know what I'd have done otherwise, I probably would have been to afraid to take the steps to leave but unable to go back. So OP, make the best decision for you, obviously you need to have a way to meet your financial obligations, but you don't need to work 9-5 5 days a week being miserable just because that's the socially acceptable thing to do.

alias06

Muir wrote: »

Fair question, I don't have any major financial obligations, I'm young and have no children or mortgage. I've been able to do casual work since I left with the option of as much or as little as I want so obviously I'm lucky to have that until I find the right thing for me.

I am lucky that I have a supporting boyfriend because I don't know what I'd have done otherwise, I probably would have been to afraid to take the steps to leave but unable to go back.

That's fine if you have no obligations. But most people can't live like that forever. Yes people have choices. If the OP does want a house and kids and all the rest then he will have to work for living. By casual work do you mean work in a bar or restaurant? That's still work but it's not as well paid. And there is very little career progression. How would his girlfriend feel if he said 'I just want to do low skilled casual work and work as few hours as possible'. What would that mean for their future? The OP has a high skill qualification in computer science and there is more than one way of using it. Or he could retrain in something else. Either way he needs to think about how he can build a career that satisfies him and gives him a reasonable standard of living.

LegacyUser

OP I can relate to how you're feeling now. I changed jobs when I was in my mid twenties and found myself in a place where the people were horrible. What I've found through all my years of working is that it's the people around you that make even the most mundane of jobs bearable. I really hated this place. I'd wake up in the morning, remember I had to go to work and my stomach would knot. To cut a long story short, I left without having anything else lined up.

Was it the right thing to do? Yes and no. I felt a weight lift off my shoulders when I left but soon other problems started to present themselves. When I left the job I had all sorts of notions in my head about how the world was full of possibilities and I'd be free to do what I wanted and change career. Only thing was, I couldn't think of any. I ran into problems getting another job because I wasn't working. It was the first question on an interviewer's tongue. That was, if I could get an interview in the first place. I got casual work here and there which kept the wolf from the door but it wasn't until I finally got another job that things fell into place. When I got my new job I found myself in with a really lovely bunch of people. They were older than me but they were wonderful and I had more in common with them than I thought.

My advice to you is to start looking for another job and try if you can to get a feel for the place before you accept it. It would be a real shame for you to throw away your qualifications because you got a job in a miserable place. You can always study part-time or do distance learning courses if you want to move into another field.

Realistically you can't live like a student forever. Part of me would love to still live that lifestyle but time moves on. You'll most likely get to a stage in the next few years where you'll want your own house, your own car, maybe even a family. You're not going to be able to have those things if you're living with your parents or in a bedroom in a house share.

As I said at the start, it's very easy to become very low if you're in a job you hate with people you don't like. That sort of thing steals your soul. Don't throw away your future because of a career mis-step and a lousy bunch of colleagues.

Muir

alias06 wrote: »

That's fine if you have no obligations. But most people can't live like that forever. Yes people have choices. If the OP does want a house and kids and all the rest then he will have to work for living. By casual work do you mean work in a bar or restaurant? That's still work but it's not as well paid. And there is very little career progression. How would his girlfriend feel if he said 'I just want to do low skilled casual work and work as few hours as possible'. What would that mean for their future? The OP has a high skill qualification in computer science and there is more than one way of using it. Or he could retrain in something else. Either way he needs to think about how he can build a career that satisfies him and gives him a reasonable standard of living.

No, I don't mean bar or restaurant work, I have contacts in companies that have been quite busy with work and needed help, I'm currently supervising a fairly big job, but any job is only a few days or weeks long and then I can have a few days or weeks off if I like. Yes, it's still work but it doesn't have the same endless feel of knowing that you will be working a 40 hour week for probably the next 40 years of your life. I have a masters in the same area as the OP. I never suggested just deciding to do low skilled casual work, I said maybe part time or freelance work might be an option. But, if the OP decided that they want to do bar/restaurant work and that would make them happy then there is nothing wrong with making that decision. As someone who always want to be rich, one thing my experience taught me was that money means absolutely nothing if you are miserable. The OP specifically mentioned finding the strain of a 40 hour week is not for them, so retraining into another area where it's the same thing may not help, maybe it will help and of course the OP needs to figure that out, I'm just saying that it's okay to go against the norm if it's not what makes you happy, and that there are ways of doing that.

Another idea for you OP could be giving computer lessons? Possibly maths grinds as I imagine you have a good background in maths from your course. They can pay quite well so you could have a lot more free time. Or maybe working on your own app or project that could make you money might be something that even if it takes up time and involves working hard, you might enjoy it more because it's your idea and you're doing it for yourself.

ILikeBananas

Hi OP,

Your post resonated with me as I also ended up in a completely unsuitable career. Like yourself I wasn't too sure exactly what I wanted to do. However I knew what I did not want to do, which was that career. This was a lucrative career with great benefits but like you I hated going into work in the morning. At the age of 28 I decided to quit and went back and did a Masters. I moved back home to my parents and lived off of my savings for the year. I studied a broad based topic that opened up a lot of new careers for me and got a job which I'm still in 3 years later. I'm so much happier in my current career and never once regretted quitting my old job. As you said yourself 40 years is a long time to be doing something you hate.

puppieperson

Work is a lie we are all slaves and propaganda makes us think its a challenging career. Rich people laugh on their yachts while we all toil in their companies / corporations. That is the nature of your reality.

LegacyUser

Hi OP
I'm kind of in a similar position as well.
What's helped me so far to improve the depressed feelings and sense of hopelessness was a healthy diet, exercise 2/3 times a week and meditating briefly everyday.
I know it's easier said then done, but it really was a huge help. It was a good first step at least, because it made my mind a little less clouded, and helped me start to take the necessary actions for some change.
Just my two cents,
Take care pal.

ladiesman217

I can totally understand people who get sick to the stomach of the thought of going to a job they hate, I 've been there on plenty of occasions, it's not nice. You can see it on people's faces on a Monday morning, going into a place where they just want to get through the week. Is that a life, where you are getting depressed at the thought of getting for work every morning. What we search for as humans is meaning, meaning in the things we do, such as work. If work has no meaning to us other than a paycheck then we can become disillusioned we the job. I think for the guy who posted the question, he needs to fined out who he is, in terms of life goals aspirations, values etc, this will help with a your choice of job.