Confused

LegacyUser

I apologize in advance for the length of this post but I would appreciate any replies.

I'll start from the start I suppose, met this girl online back in August. Turned out she was living fairly close to where I live (30 mins drive). We snapchatted each other and text each other almost every day for a few weeks. Eventually she decided she wanted to meet up so we did. We chatted anyway,had a lot in common so It was happy days.

We go to different colleges but she would almost call down to visit me once a weekend when she could. We went to the cinema a few times, the normal things I suppose. She visited me in college a few times too which was nice and I kinda got the impression she was fairly interested. We started going out in December until February where she was working 2 jobs @ the weekends so we wouldn't have had much time to see each other. We had ended it on good terms and still chatted away every day. Twas like nothing had changed i suppose.

She was out one night in college anyway, she was after some drink. She rang me saying I needed to move on. I took it to heart anyway and hung up. Thought that was that.
Next morning she rang me to apologize for what she had said and that she didn't mean it. I let it go and we chatted away as if nothing had happened.

Forward on a few weeks anyway and the same happened again. This time she said "I had to move on and there was no point waiting around and to **** off" Once I heard that I was livid and hung up the phone. Woke up the next morning to loads of texts and missed calls saying she was sorry. I gave her the silent treatment for most of the day. She rang as I was going to bed. I listened to what she had to say and she seemed as if she was genuinely sorry for what she did and that she didnt mean it. I told her if this happened again then I was gone. She said that was fair enough and she would make it up to me. This was on a Wednesday.

The following Sunday she text me saying she was calling down to see me. What happened next took me by suprise. She said she had thought about everything and she realised she wanted for us to get back together but to take it slow enough. We agreed on this anyway and It seemed pretty serious as she was calling down to me a lot more than usual..

One time she did call down a message came through on her phone from a fella. We'll call him "sean". I knew that she went off with this fella one night after we had broken up in February but she told me that they were just friends....

Last few days have been pretty stressful as there was a pregnancy scare but it all turned out ok.

Im beginning to doubt myself now on whether shes being serious or am I being led on. I want to confront her about it but I'll leave it for another week and let her adjust to normality again. Theres a fine line between happiness and getting hurt and I dont want to be on the latter side of the line. Im so confused... I want to know where I stand but at the same time Im afraid that if i confront her about it then it could end everything..

CaraMay

Run, Block and delete.

She's a total head wreck and will drag you down. Politely decline her offer and phase her out of your life.

Merkin

If you're afraid to call someone out on their toxic behaviour for fear of them ending it then you are in the wrong relationship. Don't wait around for this girl to dump you (again). Dump her and tell her you never want to hear from her again, she's a total head wreck.

joeguevara

It looks like she is doing everything in this relationship....she calls down....she goes to your college....she calls you! You don't mention that you take the lead on anything...maybe she worries that you are not fully committed. If you want it to work maybe you should put a bit more effort in. Or maybe you do but you haven't mentioned it.

professore

Sounds like she goes out and gets off with other guys when drunk, feels guilty and then calls you. Run!

punisher5112

Had a nut of a so called gf like that.
She messed me up so much.


Run run run

Penny Tration

Sounds to me like she's using you as a back up for the weekends she can't afford to go out , get drunk and bring home some other bloke.

Harsh I know, but it sounds as though you're just a back up.

Aside from that, she's an absolute headwreck. Wants you, doesn't want you, wants you again, doesn't want you, pregnancy scares already?

Come on. This is a farce, not a relationship.

Cut her out of your life, and go find someone who will be a real, proper, NICE girlfriend.

LegacyUser

Hi Op here again,

I couldn't have picked the most worst time to post this.

I had text her this morning saying we needed to talk. Then she tells me her friends is after being killed in an <mod snip> accident... I feel like such a **** right now....


I did make an honest effort. I got a 3 hour bus to visit her in college. Id text her every day. She was my everything.


She sent me this text a while back which i thought was nice..
"this morning it dawned on me that you were the only person I confided in when I was down and even tho I never spoke you were dare! I never really said thank you! I no,things have changed but whatever happens I want us to be friends! Cause your my bestie and dunno what I'd do without ya!! I'll someday get the courage to tell you everything but honestly thanks so much and I'm forever there for you! Cause you got me from the dark into the light!and it takes someone really special to change someone's life! Don't think you realised but you changed mine! Thanks."

I'm really unsure of what to do. Its probably best to try and support her for now and maybe something might happen .

Merkin

I'm sorry OP but that text just confirms to me that she sees you as someone she can use to sort out her head when suits. If she really truly cared she wouldn't treat you in this fashion and my advice still stands. Don't be the standby guy for her to use when suits. I'd send my sympathies re her friend but I wouldn't bother going out of my way.

Penny Tration

Oh okay.

So, instead of texting you when it happens (if she needs support), she only tells you AFTER you say ye need to talk?

Such typical manipulation and to be blunt, I don't believe her.

LegacyUser

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

Oh okay.

So, instead of texting you when it happens (if she needs support), she only tells you AFTER you say ye need to talk?

Such typical manipulation and to be blunt, I don't believe her.

I get what you're saying. <Snip> I text her this morning as I was going to work. She only found out about the friend shortly after I had text her id say...

When she did say she wanted to get back together, I'll admit I wasnt expecting it. Over the course of the next week she'd drive down to see me after work, she came down 4 times. I thought she was fairly serious about this. She said she really wanted to be with me...

I'll ring her later and see what happens I suppose..

Taltos

Mod Note:
Out of respect for the families involved some specific details and posts discussing those details have been snipped/removed.

Thanks
Taltos

buried

This girl sounds like she is just taking advantage over your good, decent nature OP. Not even taking advantage of your good nature, but trying to twist your good nature into her own nature of total trouble. I'd be calling it quits now at this stage TBH. Every single scenario you have described here seems to involve her informing you of some sort of dramatic, attention seeking scenario where she calls the shots, and you, end up feeling bad from this noise when you have done nothing wrong yourself.
To hell with that. You sound like a really decent, good natured person, why do you want to waste time on somebody who treats you like this? Wondering when will be the next time she texts you more negative attention seeking gibberish.
Why should you be the one tip-toeing around, hoping things 'adjust back to normality'? The way she treats you in the relationship isn't even normal to begin with. Plenty, plenty of other decent women are out there to meet, the huge majority of them would not even dream of pulling this sort of malarky. Do yourself a favour and don't put up with this utter noise one minute longer. What's it bringing to your table but a load of hastle and upset for yourself

joeguevara

I think for respect for her friends family it might be better not to talk about her too much as she is probably going through a lot and to her might not seem as important to be discuss a young relationship. That is not to say your query is irrelevant op but there is bigger things at play here and your feelings may need to take a back seat!

LegacyUser

Hi, Op here again.

We've literally just decided to end it, I feel so lost. Ive lost my best friend. Im balling my eyes out as I type this.

I feel as if i'll never find a girl like her again.

vertmann

By all means bawl your eyes out but for god's sake please stay broken up. I certainly hope you never find a girl like her again. She sounds like the sort of woman every sane man should avoid like the plague. Now that it is over, block her number and cut all contact. You're going to find it hard to wean yourself off her but it's something you've got to do. I get the impression that this break-up wasn't necessarily your choice but something that she pushed as well. No matter how it happened you need to learn how to live without this addiction. Spend time with your friends, enjoy being single again, build yourself up from this. I also want to warn you about future girlfriends. If you fell for a woman who behaves like this once you could fall for another one like her in the future.

LegacyUser

vertmann wrote: »

I get the impression that this break-up wasn't necessarily your choice but something that she pushed as well. No matter how it happened you need to learn how to live without this addiction.

Cheers Vertmann for the reply, I appreciate it.

Distance was a big factor, she drives 40 to my place and 40 mins home each time she calls to see me. I only have a few driving lessons done so I cant be driving up to her. She felt that I wasn't making an effort which kinda confused me tbh. Id treat her to dinner a few times a month, I did what I could in my opinion.

Every time she'd go out with her friends Id be afraid Id get another abusive phone call from her. Yesterday we went to a concert, it was the first time we had both been out drinking together in the 11 months we knew each other. She had a bit to much to drink and tbh I was babysitting. I was afraid she was gonna turn on me any second and start abusing me. I saw a new side to her yesterday and that wasnt the side I fell in love with originally. I'll admit I was afraid of her but most importantly getting hurt.

She wanted to still remain friends but I decided against that....

She was my first girlfriend so I can only learn from this experience.

vertmann

It just occurred to me that you referred to her as your best friend. This is a woman you only met towards the end of last year. Do you have no other close friends?

I think you're very lucky to have escaped her clutches this early. You've got to understand that you were never going to make her happy. Everything you've written about her points to someone who's a manipulator and someone who's used to twisting things around and blaming the other person. You sound like a soft touch and someone who's a bit vulnerable. In other words, classic prey for someone like her. She knew she could make abusive phone calls to you, intimidate you and generally treat you like dirt because you don't seem to the type who'd turn around and tell her to take a hike.

I know you're going to be very lonely but please don't even think about getting into another relationship for now. Well done on deciding against staying friends. The only way to get over this is to cut all contact with her. You're going to be fine. It hurts now but you will be glad you broke up when you have time to think about what you got yourself into.