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partner doesn't like me anymore?

  • 10-06-2015 9:47pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    hi guys , I'm with my boyfriend 3 years have a 2 year old together , we live with each other and over the last few months we seem to have both fighting alot , he says he finds me boring , and I get the feeling that he resents me . He constantly argues , complains and just gets annoyed over the simplest of reasons . I know we should break up but I have no finances or family/ friends to go to , and well he said he still loves me and I love him but deep down I know we are not meant to be.

    he hates that I have a past and he doesn't have any I was his only sexual partner, we are young maybe too young to be with each other. I know he wants to enjoy life and I think we would of been better off as friends but i fell pregnant a few months into the relationship , I would move out with our 2 year old but we have no finances and depend on him for money which I think he resents too .

    If we do break up I am terrified of being a single mom, starting all over again by myself , meeting guys , I am afraid of being alone I guess. I don't know what to do , I am afraid that if I ever do get into another relationship will they find me boring too?


Comments

  • #2
    Slutmonkey57b
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,600 ✭✭✭Slutmonkey57b


    Being young, having kids, and short of money is about as stressful as it gets. That stress can override any foundation a relationship is built on, and with only 2 months before you conceived, neither of you had that to begin with.

    Before you get into fixing your romantic relationship though, you both need to fix some more fundamentals:
    You have a child to raise over the next 18 years or so.

    Where is that child going to go to school, and who's going to mind it during the day? School places can be very tough to get in some parts.

    How are you going to pay for it all? You need to be in a position where you have a tight budget and consistent expenses. You're probably already on a knife edge financially and managing as best you can but go to MABS to be sure.

    Talk to your other half about living arrangements and the arguing. Put whether or not you're on the verge of splitting up on the backburner for now. Just talk about the individual day to day annoyances both of you have and try to find solutions. Start with small things, household stuff.

    Why should you do all this? If you're not in a position to break up and move out, you both have to have a sustainable life where you are until circumstances pick up.


  • #3
    Ann84
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 303 ✭✭Ann84


    Hi op,

    I can sympathise with you, I wrote a very similar post 6/7 years ago... I was very low in confidence, being with someone who you know doesn't like you, feeling trapped and reliant... It's all very bad for your self esteem.
    Honestly, it took me 3 more years to get the guts up to leave (and honestly I just couldn't take being with him at all anymore)

    If I could do it again, my one regret was wasting more time once I realised what you have realised... The truth is, becoming a single parent is a million times better than relying on someone who doesn't want to be with you, and you can do it!!
    First off, you need to get on your own two feet. Speak to social welfare about what monies are available to you and what rent allowances you can get to get your own place.
    Then try to talk to your partner, there are free mediation centres all over the country for couples separating, it's better than court for arranging how ye will spilt up time with your child, you'll have to get him custody and guardianship... And work out a fair maintenance (that's the hardest bit!)
    Then get settled in your new, free Independant life for a while... And when you get there, all of a sudden the world seems like a very exciting place again and you can figure out what you want...

    You don't need to stay with someone just because you have a child, there is no reason in the world you should stay in a situation where you feel belittled and reliant...
    You can raise your child in a shared parenting situation... My ex and myself 50/50 share parent these days and I an now engaged to someone who makes me really happy!
    Get your confidence back, get your family/friends/ support together and go for it, life is short!!
    Best of luck op

    Ps- it wasn't all easy btw... But it was better than having my confidence eaten away that's for sure!! X


  • #4
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    The child will be due some free childcare hours when 3. Have you studied of are you doing any course? It would be great for you to pick up even part time work when the child is in crèche.

    The relationship isn't sustainable though. He's treating you very badly and you don't want a child raised in an environment like that.


  • #5
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Hi OP - wow quite a lot in your post.

    Look first off a child is stressful at the best of times. A child in the early days of a relationship and you moving in so early just has added to that stress and has caused you both to accelerate the relationship beyond where it might be otherwise right now. Even just living together so early in a relationship with the responsibility of bills, cleaning etc is a nightmare.

    On the bright side
    itsoverithink wrote: »
    he said he still loves me and I love him

    But there are alarm bells everywhere else.
    itsoverithink wrote: »
    ... deep down I know we are not meant to be.
    That's your gut talking to you and sometimes your gut is on the money, sometimes though due to stress, tiredness we make poor choices so take care here.
    itsoverithink wrote: »
    he hates that I have a past and he doesn't have any I was his only sexual partner,
    This needs to be addressed and not just swept under the rug. This is all HIS issue but you both need to address it. You by not pandering to his insecurities or apologising for your past choices. He though being blunt needs to grow up and if he can't do it alone then either he seeks help or you separate on this point alone...

    There are organisations out there to help couples work through your differences. Since you have a child I really think you both should try some of these first, like Accord or similar. Again though, your partner needs to deal with his jealousy/insecurity. One other thing you can do in the short term is have a date night where you get a baby sitter in and the two of you just spend some time together with no calls or stress just spending time together - go out and get some air or go for a walk. It doesn't have to be expensive, the idea is for you both to reconnect.

    Beyond that - if it's over and you both need to move on for the sake of yourselves and that of your child who deserves a loving calm home, then contact your local social services and see what you can avail of.


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