terrified I wont be able to make friends at college

angelinab

Hi,
After a year studying in a different city, Im considering coming home to Dublin and studying a similar, yet in my opinion better course in DCU. However, im currently very stressed about how this will affect my social life.Any sort of help/advice/anecdotes would be very useful!

I will be commuting from Dublin and will probably get the number 9 bus from The Kimmage Crossroads. Im guessing that it will take at least an hour to get to DCU in the mornings.

After living away for a year, im quite scared about coming back to Dublin as i feel as if ive lost contact with many of my friends, most of whom didn't treated me like crap in the first place. Pretty much everyone I know that has stayed in Dublin for college has kept the exact same group of friends from school, and I dont have that anymore.

However, I really,really want a new group of friends to meet up/go out with if I go to college here, but Im scared that it will be way harder for me to do that if i commute every day, and the idea of someone from Dublin getting campus accommodation/ housing beside the college is probably ridiculous.

Im 19 years old now, and the majority of my teenage years were pretty awful and lonely. I have a few friends here now, but they just keep using me and letting me down. It makes me feel isolated and worthless. I just want to be able to have decent people to rely on and go out with for once. I want to live my life.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, honestly any sort of advice would be of help!

FishOnABike

College can be some of the best times of your life. What interests / hobbies do you have, what sports do you play. There are thousands of opportunities to meet new people and make new friends. Join a few clubs / societies. Try something new, nothing lost if you find it's not for you, try something else - you will probably never have so many accessable choices again. Look on it as one big opportunity and make as much of it as you can.

angelinab

FishOnABike wrote: »

College can be some of the best times of your life. What interests / hobbies do you have, what sports do you play. There are thousands of opportunities to meet new people and make new friends. Join a few clubs / societies. Try something new, nothing lost if you find it's not for you, try something else - you will probably never have so many accessable choices again. Look on it as one big opportunity and make as much of it as you can.

thanks for the advice!
im pretty open minded and im considering joining a couple of different clubs and societies and starting some new activities eg hiking, martial arts etc
have you found its a good way to make friends?

FishOnABike

It's a while since I was in college but yes. Most friends I made in college were either class mates or people I met through clubs or societies I was active in.

You'll have shared interests whether it's the course you're doing and classmates or a study group or shared interests and experiences through clubs and societies activities. Having shared interests and experiences goes a long way towards making new friends and you'll be surrounded by people in exactly the same situation.

Don't let the commute worry you. The morning one doesn't really count and there's plenty of time between lectures ending and the last bus to get involved in as much as you want to whether it's study groups, sports or clubs and societies.

SpaceTime

Join clubs and societies !! You'll meet a really interesting people from much broader ranges of interests than just your course.

Many of the people I consider my closest and longest standing friends are from clubs & socs and those friendships have endured way beyond university!

angelinab

FishOnABike wrote: »

It's a while since I was in college but yes. Most friends I made in college were either class mates or people I met through clubs or societies I was active in.

You'll have shared interests whether it's the course you're doing and classmates or a study group or shared interests and experiences through clubs and societies activities. Having shared interests and experiences goes a long way towards making new friends and you'll be surrounded by people in exactly the same situation.

Don't let the commute worry you. The morning one doesn't really count and there's plenty of time between lectures ending and the last bus to get involved in as much as you want to whether it's study groups, sports or clubs and societies.

Thanks again,
The only thing thats really genuinely worrying me about the commute is the fact that it could make going out awkward, considering I live in a completely different part of the city than where the college is. And going out is always such a big deal in college. Sorry if that seems petty!

marco_polo

You seem to have already learnt one valuable lesson, life is too short for old "friends" who add nothing to your life.

In my early thirties now but most of the people I am still in regular contact with are people I met in college. Its a great place to meet like minded people if you just take a leap of faith and make the effort to get to know people. Sure the commute probably makes socialising a bit more akward but there are loads of other ways to meet new people outside of pubs/clubs especially in college.

Michelle_b

I have just returned home after living away for ten years... You will transition in ok I promise and you will meet new people through College. Don't worry about it so much... It will all work out and if there is any hobbies you are interested in join up and you will meet people with similar interests to you to socialize with. Good luck and don't worry... Look forward to meeting new people instead. Unfortunately as we get older we realize people can disappoint us. Look out for you and you might find there is more people out there that can have a positive impact on your life. We all go through lonely times and let downs. Hopefully this new change is for positive for you. Don't worry too much about commute. I commuted to college and for nights out after I had started to know people through college I crashed on their couch always a solution

angelinab

marco_polo wrote: »

You seem to have already learnt one valuable lesson, life is too short for old "friends" who add nothing to your life.

In my early thirties now but most of the people I am still in regular contact with are people I met in college. Its a great place to meet like minded people if you just take a leap of faith and make the effort to get to know people. Sure the commute probably makes socialising a bit more akward but there are loads of other ways to meet new people outside of pubs/clubs especially in college.

Thanks!,
I guess im just paranoid that i'll end up hanging around with the same people that make me feel like crap. Ive kind of had a tough couple of years and i want to make sure that i get a decent college experience like everyone else, because i missed out on so much in secondary school. I probably shouldnt be worrying o much, but i just really dont want to be dissapointed.

angelinab

marco_polo wrote: »

You seem to have already learnt one valuable lesson, life is too short for old "friends" who add nothing to your life.

In my early thirties now but most of the people I am still in regular contact with are people I met in college. Its a great place to meet like minded people if you just take a leap of faith and make the effort to get to know people. Sure the commute probably makes socialising a bit more akward but there are loads of other ways to meet new people outside of pubs/clubs especially in college.

Thanks!,
I guess im just paranoid that i'll end up hanging around with the same people that make me feel like crap. Ive kind of had a tough couple of years and i want to make sure that i get a decent college experience like everyone else, because i missed out on so much in secondary school. I probably shouldnt be worrying so much, but i just really dont want to be dissapointed.

angelinab

Michelle_b wrote: »

I have just returned home after living away for ten years... You will transition in ok I promise and you will meet new people through College. Don't worry about it so much... It will all work out and if there is any hobbies you are interested in join up and you will meet people with similar interests to you to socialize with. Good luck and don't worry... Look forward to meeting new people instead. Unfortunately as we get older we realize people can disappoint us. Look out for you and you might find there is more people out there that can have a positive impact on your life. We all go through lonely times and let downs. Hopefully this new change is for positive for you. Don't worry too much about commute. I commuted to college and for nights out after I had started to know people through college I crashed on their couch always a solution

Hopefully the commute will work out, for some reason im paranoid that i wont get to know anyone that well, i can sometimes be resevered around new people, but ive been working on that for the last while. Thanks for the advice and positivity!

Michelle_b

I can be quiet around new people too... I get kind of nervous, quiet and embarrassed but then I relax and don't shut up ႒ find some clubs you would like to do I met diff people in clubs to classmates and I promise you you will meet people and great friends. It might take a little time but it will happen. If people invite you to something try and go too. I think the build up and all that is probably making you nervous too and you won't be only one feeling the way you are I promise

angelinab

Michelle_b wrote: »

I can be quiet around new people too... I get kind of nervous, quiet and embarrassed but then I relax and don't shut up ðŸ˜႒ find some clubs you would like to do I met diff people in clubs to classmates and I promise you you will meet people and great friends. It might take a little time but it will happen. If people invite you to something try and go too. I think the build up and all that is probably making you nervous too

Haha you're just like me so!
Thanks for all the advice, is nice to hear from someone who was in a similar situation. Im definitely going to have to remind myself that it takes time to get to know people and not to worry too much about it.

Michelle_b

angelinab wrote: »

Haha you're just like me so!
Thanks for all the advice, is nice to hear from someone who was in a similar situation. Im definitely going to have to remind myself that it takes time to get to know people and not to worry too much about it.

Exactly ... Just smile a lot then you will appear approachable and if have the guts go up and say hi where are you from because you will have people from other parts country that don't know anyone either it takes times but you might even have a great first day good luck with it all. Great new adventure

angelinab

Michelle_b wrote: »

Exactly ... Just smile a lot then you will appear approachable and if have the guts go up and say hi where are you from because you will have people from other parts country that don't know anyone either it takes times but you might even have a great first day good luck with it all. Great new adventure

Thanks for listening to me and for all the advice, hopefully i will be lucky for once and this change will be for the best

Rubberchikken

start everything fresh. college, friends, etc.
leave behind those that didn't treat you well plus the memories of them and make new friends.
join societies, smile at others, strike up simple conversations, get stuck in to college life and see what will happen.

good luck.

angelinab

Rubberchikken wrote: »

start everything fresh. college, friends, etc.
leave behind those that didn't treat you well plus the memories of them and make new friends.
join societies, smile at others, strike up simple conversations, get stuck in to college life and see what will happen.

good luck.

thanks!
I really want to get stuck in to college life but im can be pretty reserved around new people, and im afraid that being like that, as well as commuting, will make getting a new group of friends extremely difficult

tomtucker81

By commuting do you mean going cross city?

Edit- sorry i posted too quickly there...if you're going cross city to dcu then most evenings out etc will probably be city centre based. Handy for you.

Plus dont be too worried about school friends, i am still friends with a group of 5 or 6, but college years was what really shaped me for adult life and where i fiund all sorts of new hobbies/activities to try and consequently new friends.

That being said i dont have regular contact with college friends now, its all work based or with my original group!

So basically dont be worried about what might happen and go forth and see what does happen!! Dam i wish i was college going again.

angelinab

tomtucker81 wrote: »

By commuting do you mean going cross city?

yeah ill be going from dublin 6W up to Glasnevin

An Bhanríon

Spent three years commuting across Dublin for college. Many years later and I am still great friends with some of the people I met there. (I started off with pretty much zilch friends, by the way. I hadn't made any good friends in school.)

Don't worry about the commute. Just try not to leave campus too early so you can go to events, stay in the library late, etc. You will meet people that way. I had no money in first year so I didn't get to stay around much. I had to get home to be fed! But then in second and third year I could afford a meal in the canteen a day or two a week so I could stay around campus more. Spent many nights sleeping on friends sofas too, so didn't have to go home every night.

You will probably also meet people you recognise from college on the bus. There are loads of people commuting to college in Dublin! (And if there's nobody about it's a great chance to catch up on reading.)

You are lucky to be able to get to college on one bus, by the way. I had to get two buses!

angelinab

An Bhanríon wrote: »

Spent three years commuting across Dublin for college. Many years later and I am still great friends with some of the people I met there. (I started off with pretty much zilch friends, by the way. I hadn't made any good friends in school.)

Don't worry about the commute. Just try not to leave campus too early so you can go to events, stay in the library late, etc. You will meet people that way. I had no money in first year so I didn't get to stay around much. I had to get home to be fed! But then in second and third year I could afford a meal in the canteen a day or two a week so I could stay around campus more. Spent many nights sleeping on friends sofas too, so didn't have to go home every night.

You will probably also meet people you recognise from college on the bus. There are loads of people commuting to college in Dublin! (And if there's nobody about it's a great chance to catch up on reading.)

You are lucky to be able to get to college on one bus, by the way. I had to get two buses!

Thanks for the advice! Its good to hear from someone who was in a very similar situation. I dont have that much money so maybe i could bring food to campus or something if i was planning to stay late.

FishOnABike

If you're on a direct bus route you'll be in a much better position than people who have to commute from outside Dublin. Bring packed food and join in evening activities you're interested in college. You'll have plenty of time to get involved in things and still catch the last bus. You'll also be around at the weekend for any weekend activities when others from outside Dublin might head home at least some of the weekends and miss out on whatever social activities are on. Enjoy it and make the most of it.

An Bhanríon

Just thought of something else.

Consider getting a bike and cycling to college. It gives you more flexibility. I never did it but I knew people cycling from Raheny to UCD when I was in college. They didn't have to leave for the last bus! (I was too lazy to cycle...)

ShaShaBear

I had this same, crippling fear when I applied to start a new degree after being forced to live at home for a few years. I was 23, most of my classmates would be about 18-19. I can honestly say I needn't have worried. Everyone in the course, with the few exceptions of groups who picked the same course intentionally, were all in the same boat and desperate to cling onto just about anyone for some companionship. I made two very solid friends on my first day, and we remained extremely close throughout my first year. Unfortunately, romantic complications interfered with one, and the other didn't pass their exams, so I was left going into second year with no friends again! Need not have worried, within hours, I had people talking to me that considered me good fun from antics they had seen with my friends in college and nights out. I was accepted into a large group of about 15 people - 3 or 4 of them became very close friends of mine and when I had to repeat a semester, two of them were with me :pac: By the time 3rd year rolled around, I was very friendly with just about everyone on the course, and knew them all so well that I was happy enough to socially force myself upon them if I found myself alone at lunchtime :pac:

After leaving (I'm now 28), I am still in touch with several of them, and some of them will be coming to my wedding next year!

Please don't worry!

FizzleSticks

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captainfrost

When it comes to college, the 3 most important thing is "girls/boys, party, and book". You pick one be good at it and making new friends would'nt be your problem at all.

angelinab

thanks for the replies everyone, im still so on the fence about what to do, i feel as if i wont know the answer for another while! which is scary considering the deadline for applications is 1st july.