Crippling anxiety, job hunting, and phone calls

LegacyUser

Long term poster, going anonymous for this.

I'm currently suffering from crippling anxiety - this is affecting me massively and I find it difficult to meet people, to call anyone that isn't a friend or family on the phone, and things like that. I should say that I do have dyspraxia, which is on the autism scale, which makes matters more difficult numerous times.

Right now I'm currently unemployed and looking for jobs. I've been getting phone calls from the same place, but on different numbers - the first half is the same, but the last digits are different. They've been happening every morning and evening since Friday, but they're not leaving voice mails - in my experience, when people are returning calls regarding jobs, they always leave voice mails and follow-up emails, but these people just haven't. I find it extremely difficult to answer the phone when I don't recognize the number and spend most of the time screening calls - I figure, if it was ever anything important, they'd leave a voice message or email me.

But I just don't know what to do now - any time I try and get myself psyched up to press the call return button, I freak out - my mind goes crazy, I start to shake slightly, and everything just shuts down and I just can't make myself do it.

I want to work, but I just can't get over that first hurdle. I just wish they did it the normal way of calling me, leaving a voice mail, so I can see what it's about before I make contact with them. I try and look the number up on Google, but I'm not getting anything back.

I'm seeing a counsellor to try and help me with it, but I just can't make myself call them back - anytime I do, I just shut down completely and I can't.

I know it's pathetic and I should be able to do it as an almost-30 year old adult, but I just can't. I'm absolutely terrified of the prospect of calling them. If it was done over emails first, then fine, but they keep f*cking calling and I keep f*cking freaking out.

orthsquel

The phone number is probably the same just a different extension number being used. Sounds like a call centre to me though, or an office with various extension numbers for various people. Have you checked that they can actually leave a voicemail? or that the voicemail service is definitely set up?

Are you thinking it's a company you have applied to for a job ringing you back?

It is possible that it is your own mobile phone provider's "customer care" team ringing you - in my experience of similar type of ringing behaviour it was the "customer care" team and when I finally did ring the number back I got a message service telling me who the number was, telling me that customer care had tried to contact me. A lot of call centres operate on shift rotations, it is possible that you are on a list of people to be contacted re the service you have (be it your mobile or broadband or banking or something), the morning shift attempt to call and don't reach you, that list gets passed onto the evening shift to try and make contact. However the way they are doing it is against the norm of how most call centres would try and contact a customer, in my experience if they can't establish contact by phone, they continue with written communication.

You are seeing a counsellor about your anxiety.... have they given you advice on how to deal with the overwhelming anxiety at the time of trying to contact the number? They probably would be the best to guide you.

I can only speak from experience of a similarish situation I was in, in which I put aside a morning to ring back a specific number and that was my goal for the morning. I tried not to think about it, but got myself to a comfortable mindset and just rang and dealt with it. It was a now or never type of thing and the situation wouldn't go away. I often do the same with other tasks that I find daunting that I ring fence the time, get ready and just push myself through it. I've often felt very chuffed with myself getting through something that made me really anxious or worried to the point that when similar things have cropped up I'm more able to deal with them without the stress of worrying about it or feeling anxious about it.

LegacyUser

orthsquel wrote: »

The phone number is probably the same just a different extension number being used. Sounds like a call centre to me though, or an office with various extension numbers for various people. Have you checked that they can actually leave a voicemail? or that the voicemail service is definitely set up?

Are you thinking it's a company you have applied to for a job ringing you back?

It is possible that it is your own mobile phone provider's "customer care" team ringing you - in my experience of similar type of ringing behaviour it was the "customer care" team and when I finally did ring the number back I got a message service telling me who the number was, telling me that customer care had tried to contact me. A lot of call centres operate on shift rotations, it is possible that you are on a list of people to be contacted re the service you have (be it your mobile or broadband or banking or something), the morning shift attempt to call and don't reach you, that list gets passed onto the evening shift to try and make contact. However the way they are doing it is against the norm of how most call centres would try and contact a customer, in my experience if they can't establish contact by phone, they continue with written communication.

You are seeing a counsellor about your anxiety.... have they given you advice on how to deal with the overwhelming anxiety at the time of trying to contact the number? They probably would be the best to guide you.

I can only speak from experience of a similarish situation I was in, in which I put aside a morning to ring back a specific number and that was my goal for the morning. I tried not to think about it, but got myself to a comfortable mindset and just rang and dealt with it. It was a now or never type of thing and the situation wouldn't go away. I often do the same with other tasks that I find daunting that I ring fence the time, get ready and just push myself through it. I've often felt very chuffed with myself getting through something that made me really anxious or worried to the point that when similar things have cropped up I'm more able to deal with them without the stress of worrying about it or feeling anxious about it.

I talked to my counsellor last night, shortly after I posted this. They told me about breathing techniques, mindfulness apps, and other things. I actually need to cut my sessions short, because I can't afford to do them while on social welfare.

Managed to call them back earlier, after using one of the mindfulness apps on my phone, one called Headspace, and it was my gym calling me because my membership ended, which is something else that I'll have to do without as I just can't afford it. When I found out it was them, it really frustrated me.

Pretty sure my voice mail system is active.

orthsquel

Well done you OP for making that call! You ought to feel really proud of yourself in managing to push through the anxiety to find out who it was, and using an app to help you... while taking a step further in dealing with your anxiety.

It was unnecessary for the gym to ring so many times...some people don't realise when they ring someone like that how much of a nightmare it can be for someone... but it's very unprofessional imo.

Re counselling... Perhaps if you are making progress and have established a good rapport your counsellor could offer some options to you about costs.

I think, if you can, just double check your voicemail is active and working. I thought mine was for ages and then I realised it was deactivated, but not by me, and I had to set it all up again.

SpaceTime

I have encountered this with colleagues in the context of having to deal face-to-face with business situations or calling people up.

It's very similar to what actors get before they go on stage i.e. 'stage fright' and the very best way to get past it is through repetition of the task until it becomes less scary.

I would suggest perhaps making some calls to something you find less stressful, maybe make some enquires about products you want to buy or services you want to switch over to a new supplier and just get used to talking to people.

Then, when you're comfortable, ring around a few employment agencies and get chatting and see how you feel. Once you get to know the person who is likely to be calling you back it won't be so scary.

Also remember that the employment agent is just a sales person, they're not grilling you. They want to find you a job as that is where they get their money. So think about them as *your* agent, not an interviewer.

This kind of anxiety is really quite common though and tons of people have similar experiences with telephones, public speaking, stages, many of the best TV and radio presenters occasionally get it! So, you're far from alone and it's anything but unusual.

I'd actually suggest reading some of the material on similar issues like stage fright and fear of public speaking. There are really good techniques that might be applicable and could help a lot.

captainfrost

If you do not make a call back you won't know what is going on. And speculation won't help, you actually can have someone call em back why you are present. Then if it them, you continue the convo.