How can I live with myself? (regret)

riskodumpar12

I will try to keep this one as short as I can…

Im in my late 20's. I met my first girlfriend ever cca 1,5 year ago. I was burnt by girls before and never had serious relationship until we met. At first I kept my heart mosty for myself untill I fell deeply in love with her (we were dating cca 6 months at that time). I have alot of thing going on for me, but she was just something more – even if i had a bad day, thinking about her made me feel good.

As you might guess we are broken up now… We were together for 1 year and a half. The last few months were not good, id say some of the weeks towards the end were even bad. Every month after one year mark was worse then the passing month. The worst part is that im fixated on misteks i was making in the last few months of relationship – I was not happy with something that is important to me in relationship, brought it up a few times but to no avail…Partly is also my fault since i was not flexible from time to time...

In short I felt she took me for granted after 1 year mark and did not consider my feelings when she was makig decisions that effected relationship, not condirening my needs and often not being the priority to her. Many times i felt that relationship was all about her not us - how she feels and what she wants, but what i want was pretty much not important even though I mentioned my needs for a few times. Mostly they were ignored and my resentment and bitterness grew. I was still there for her needs but after a while not as much because i felt unappreciated and didnt get enough in return - she has never put any effort to change things or even try to meet me halfway at least.

I became little bitter towards her and was doing stuff that hurt her emotionally and i was aware of them (didnt cheat on her or being abusive or anything like that but was not there for her as much as i was before and sometimes said some stupid things). We argued pretty often because of this. Now im wondering was it all worth it – couldnt i just ignore it/keep it to myself.. i know if i would we would still be togeher. I KNOW FOR THE FACT THATS THE REASON WE LOST EMOTIONAL CONNECTION . She also expected from me to be the man, and take the relationship a step further – to move in / live together, have a baby sometime in the near future. But i have never showed her any signs that is something I ll do. We have never had open conversation about these topics but i picked up clues from time to time while she was talking to friends, etc… but I didt react because i thought we had time.

The reason she dumped me is (her words) because we are not what we supposed to be, we do not operate as couple should. She said if we could we already would and there is no point to even try anymore. We went for a drink when she ended it - she was cold, distant, like she is already over me. I think it was like that becuase she was emotionally withdrawing from me the last couple of months.

Now im alone, almost 30, with shattered confidence and whats even worse im emotionally unreachable to anyone new. But at the same time i cant go on like this for another year, my time is ticking, I will be 30 soon, and alone. All my friends have serious gf, they live together, most of them are younger then me and they just got a child. They are a constant reminder of the things i could have if i would have played my cards 'right'. I feel like i lost my future, happiness because i was blind/ not assertive enough.

She was my 1st gf, first time i loved someone outside of my family, i even lost my virginty to her. So you can relate to me and my feelings now… IM LIVING IN THE REGRET… I went through all stages of grief many times and im still not there… . I also went on a date with some girl 2 weeks after we broke up. We went on a 5 dates, she was very interested and was pretty good looking, but i was 'not there'. We were on dates, had a good time, was making out /kissing at the end, but every single time when i was driving home from a date i was crying in the car thinking about my ex until i have realized that thats not the way to go on and that i have some serious soul searching to do before i can date again.

I saw future with her - to be the mother of my children and one of the main reason she dump my is because i did not show her thats something im wiling to do. As i said we never talked about these topics. She was expecting me to be the man and take a relationship a step further. All my friends grabed the chance and move in with their gf and i lost mine because I was not assertive enough… She dumped me because our relationship is not progressing and is going nowhere. Because im not thinking like an adult person in her opinion.
I almost had a feeling she was in relationship with me for commitment (and i didnt deliver) and i didnt deliver. She also said some things that bothered her during relationship butt never mentioned them until now... some of them really hurts – when i said she is making a mistake she said 'dont you think ill find someone better then you?' She is going to be 29 after few months...


Im getting on my own nerves, feeling like an idiot, a pussy, i even cried in front of my mum the next day when i told her she dumped me. I havent cried in front of my mum since i was a child. Im behaving like a little girl not a m grown man at 195 cm and 100 kgs… Im ashamed of myself but love/women have always been my weak spot.
Anyone in the similar situation, andy advice how to moveon, proceed, would be great… I have never been so lost in my life. Im hiding all of this stuff very good from people aroudn me, but im just a walking zombie most of the time.

retro:electro

Am I right in thinking you've posted here about this issue at least twice before? Your issue with your girlfriend was that your sex life was lacking, right?

riskodumpar12

No, sex was not a problem.

retro:electro

riskodumpar12 wrote: »

No, sex was not a problem.

have you posted about her before though? What advice did you recieve?

riskodumpar12

I did, but that was a while ago when problems started and we were still together. i cant remember the name of my thread. It was cca 6 months ago.

They were telling me to talk to her and if she cares things will change.

Now im asking for advice how to move on, how to go on with my life and put her behind me...

Alf Veedersane

Sounds like it wasn't meant to be.

Sometimes people just aren't compatible and being single at 29 (you make it sound like you're old) is no reason to say you should have done things differently. You didn't for a reason.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on. You'll be the better for it.

Matteroffact

It wasn't meant to be. It is always hard to be on the receiving end of a lost relationship. You always tend to blame yourself for this, whereas in effect it is nobody's fault because had it had a future there would have been a way forward. She got fed up waiting for you to make plans for the future and by the time you were willing to do this it was too late. I am presuming you told her how you felt and that you were prepared to make plans with her if she still wanted that. If you told her all of that and she still wanted to end it then I am afraid it was not meant to be. If you didn't tell her all of that then you should have and if you still can then do so.

If there is no hope then what you have to do is join as many clubs as you can, mix with as many people as you can and try and build a new future for yourself, because if you don't do that you will remain in the same unhealthy environment and you will never move on.