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Moving on... kinda...

  • 08-06-2015 7:44pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Please tell me how not to feel weird about my ex boyfriend of five years, who I'm still friends with but don't see often, two years after we broke up, suddenly being infatuated with somebody new. I wouldn't mind, but I haven't exactly been celibate all that time myself. What's wrong with me? I'm clearly not being rational and I know I shouldn't be surprised, but I feel a little bit sick. Somebody fix me?! What do I do?!


Comments

  • #2
    njs030
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,030 ✭✭✭njs030


    I think it's normal to feel weird when an ex moves on, especially if they seem to be happy and starting a new relationship.
    It is hard for you and will be until you get used to it, especially if it's the first proper relationship either of you have had since breaking up.

    It's hard to be friends with an ex when they are building something new with someone else, do you have children that you have to see each other or could you just avoid him until you feel more settled?


  • #3
    Rock77
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,123 ✭✭✭Rock77


    Two things that work. Cut all contact for a few months,that includes checking his Facebook or asking friends about him. Secondly, find yourself a man. There's nothing like the excitement of a new relationship to get over somebody!!


  • #4
    OneOfThem
    Closed Accounts Posts: 667 ✭✭✭OneOfThem


    It's an ego thing. Hope this doesn't sound harsh but the best advice is to get over yourself, accept that your only one woman out of several billion, and not particularly special, but that you will seem special to some other guy some other time, just like this girl does to this guy this time, because that's how it works.


  • #5
    pookie82
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,217 ✭✭✭pookie82


    I don't like this feeling wrote: »
    Please tell me how not to feel weird about my ex boyfriend of five years, who I'm still friends with but don't see often, two years after we broke up, suddenly being infatuated with somebody new. I wouldn't mind, but I haven't exactly been celibate all that time myself. What's wrong with me? I'm clearly not being rational and I know I shouldn't be surprised, but I feel a little bit sick. Somebody fix me?! What do I do?!

    How do you now he's "infatuated"? Has he told you? Or have you been watching him online?

    If it's the latter, then stop. It's quite simple. Block him from your life and move on. Stop torturing yourself by staring at photos of him with someone new and accept it's his right to find happiness with someone else, as it is yours.

    You've been broken up for 2 years now, not 2 months. It'll always feel "weird" to see an ex has moved on for the first time, but all it should be is a fleeting thought at this distance from the break up. Wish them well in your own head, cut all social media contact, and move on.


  • #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    The fact that it's been two years is meaningless if you haven't actually taken the steps to move on and your strength of feeling says you haven't moved on at all. That would seem to be mainly down to the fact that you've kept in touch. I find that a terrible idea after a breakup - if you can be genuine friends then it wasn't a deep relationship, if you can't be happy for them to move on then you're not genuine friends. It's oftern advised that a clean, totally clean, break is the way to go. I think you're seeing now why it's a good idea and it has to be the first step for you. After that, get on with your own life and don't worry about his.


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