Advice on how to help friend through a breakup

LegacyUser

Hi all,
this has probably been done before but I just need a bit of advice. Last week my best friend's boyfriend of on and off 8 years broke up with her. Since I have known her this has been the 3rd time he ended things. In my head I think she deserves so much better as although he has been going through major personal problem and issues which have impacted on his ability to be in a relationship, he has broken her heart many times.
I feel for her so much as she was completely in love with him and would have done anything for him. It seems pretty final from what she is telling me. She is finding general daily life really hard and I know she is crying an awful lot, which is to be expected. She has said that she is hoping he will text and it will be all a mistake.
The last time he broke up with her he asked her to meet up two weeks later and they were seeing each other for months before he would make it official. If he asked her to come see her she would drop everything and go. She hasn't told any of her other friends yet and I'm not sure how I can help her best. I don't want to make too much of a fuss as she isn't that kind of a person. Should I tell her that I think she deserves so much better or keep that to myself? It's just hard when I've seen her so upset over him before, not to tell her she deserves better and that he hasn't treated her very well.
How honest are friends supposed to be when it comes to break ups like this ? The fact that if he changed his mind next week and wanted her back again she would go running, has me worried as I'm half thinking maybe she needs to hear the truth however much it hurts and she might be angry with me for it. I just don't want to see her hurt anymore than she has been by this guy.
Any advice would be appreciated.

HalloweenJack

Just be supportive.

I understand the temptation to tear into him if you think he's not right for her but I don't think that's what she needs right now. Just support and comfort her and show her that she can live a fulfilling life without him. Get her out of the house and doing stuff with people, just be there to distract her from him.

pookie82

I would steer clear of advising her that HE, in particular, isn't right for her. Rather, try to make her see in more vague terms that the SITUATION isn't fair on her.

As you predict, he could be back in a few weeks/months and anything negative you say about him now will stick in her mind. If she gets back with him she'll still remember all you said.

Speak to her more along the lines of "it shouldn't be this hard" and "love shouldn't make you feel this bad all the time", "you should be with someone you trust not to leave at a moment's notice", "you deserve more security than that" or "you deserve more than he's in a position to give you right now".

I know it all sounds corny, they are just examples of how you can press the truth home to her without vilifying him, exactly.

LegacyUser

You seem like a really good friend and good support for her. However I think you need to take a step back from this, she's been with this guy 8 years and he has broken up with her 3 times. She seems like a little puppy he has dangling along. The fact she will run straight back to me shows she's in very deep with this guy.
All you can do is support her but if this is the third time I would be giving her a lot of space, I've had friends like that, you watch them make the same mistake over and over, you feel like banging your head off a brick wall but they go back to them. All you can do is listen.
Also if you are going through a really tough time in your life could you depend on this person or rely on her to be there for you.
You should suggest counselling to her because her self esteem must be on the floor if he treats her like this!