How do I give him my number without looking like I'm a stalker ???

bellalisaa

Hiye all...I'd be grateful for any advice :-) sorry about the long posting..

There is a guy I know from work...I work in a large company which has branches all over the country. He works in our head office and from time to time visits our branch as he looks after I.T requirements.

We had emailed before on a project which invovled my area. One day he arrived and was asking about me telling the girls he was sorry he missed me and that he wanted to meet me. Unfortunately I was off that day :-(...The impression the girls got was that he was interested in me. We had never met before...I didnt think too much about it.

Anyway...we did meet and i didnt realize who he was until after he was gone !....my radar for these things are way off as my last relationship ended badly and I haven't really been looking since it ended....just my luck, the day he was in our building it was particularly stressful day and I know now that I wasnt particularly friendly to him...I was having major problems with IT systems....

When he was gone I was raging as I realized that I liked him...but I have a problem - I'm very self conscious about my image ie there is a lot more of me than I would like...and now I'm not sure if he is interested in me, now that he has seen me...

I have seen him twice after that time and made an effort to be nice to him...he seems very nervous around me and doesnt look me in the eye when he's talking to me....my self conscious self reads that as he is absolutely not attracted to me....

Given that its not likely that I will see him again for a number of months, I'm wondering should I bite the bullet and instant message him my number casually ????? I am terrified of rejection, but I really like him and would love to get to know him better..Of course I am mortified about him saying no...but should I take a chance or else leave it as I normally do because I am too afraid... ??

Any help or advice would be appreciated, I'm out of the game quite a while and scared of going down this road again, but I'd just love to know if I misread the signs....

thanks so much........

Mars Bar

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I've moved this thread to the more appropriate Relationship Issues forum.

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Mars Bar

Matteroffact

I would not message him your number. He hasn't asked for it. He may have just wanted to meet you because it was part of his job and he had heard your name mentioned in the course of the job. What makes any of your colleagues think otherwise. I really do not think there is enough evidence for you to send him your number at this stage. Sorry.

IlmoNT4

Personally I dont date or get involved with anyone from work. This is your place of work. Doesnt matter if its a large company or a small one. You have to think of the big picture and what is right for you and your pay check.

If you have a random guy in a bar your number and felt silly if he rejected you, so what you'll never see him again, you will see the guy in work again and again and again...

Anyways if you feel you must go after this dude, then do it in a very casual way.... start talking to him on IM, chit chat etc, become friends with him and find out when he's in your office again and see if he wants to come for lunch with you that day. All that looks like is friendly colleague and then leave it to him if he wants to ask you out or become friends etc. Play it cool, let him come to you.

In terms of how you feel about yourself, thats a bigger concern. Why are you self conscious about how you look? How do you feel about yourself in general?

bellalisaa

loulou2009 wrote: »

Personally I dont date or get involved with anyone from work. This is your place of work. Doesnt matter if its a large company or a small one. You have to think of the big picture and what is right for you and your pay check.

If you have a random guy in a bar your number and felt silly if he rejected you, so what you'll never see him again, you will see the guy in work again and again and again...

Anyways if you feel you must go after this dude, then do it in a very casual way.... start talking to him on IM, chit chat etc, become friends with him and find out when he's in your office again and see if he wants to come for lunch with you that day. All that looks like is friendly colleague and then leave it to him if he wants to ask you out or become friends etc. Play it cool, let him come to you.

In terms of how you feel about yourself, thats a bigger concern. Why are you self conscious about how you look? How do you feel about yourself in general?

Thanks loulou thats great advice ....lets just say I felt my world bottomed out when my last relationship ended..due to the way it ended...i shut myself off from the world, didnt want anyone to look at me or notice me and put on a lot of weight as I couldnt function properly...this is the first time in a long time that I liked someone enough to stop and really look at myself...I am tackling the weight now but very self conscious...but in terms of this guy..maybe I did misread the signs and maybe he was just curious about a voice on the phone and a person behind an email....anyway if nothing else its made me want to change how i look at myself and do something about it...to be honest I never thought that I would actually like anyone again, and now this has shown that I can...I will IM him and see what happens though ...very nervous about this but Ive nothing to lose...the place is so big that if we didnt want to cross paths again...we wouldnt have to ...

Flippyfloppy

Play it by ear op. It doesn't sound like there's any chemistry between you two yet but it certainly might develop. While instant messages may be the only way to talk to him at present try not to rely on them solely as its really hard to judge the tone of them.

Next time he's in your office just cheekily declare that you're going to make yourself a coffee ask him if he wants to come, and get chatting.

As regards yourself definitely work on yourself if you feel you need to, it's sounds as thought you're just beginning to get back to a good place right now.

retro:electro

Op you sound really lovely, and Im sure that guy sees that in you too. An IM to say hi wouldn't go a miss, nor do I think you would come across as flirtatious or in any way interested, but it could be just the thing to get you two talking again. It's clear your confidence has been knocked, but I hope that once you begin to work on yourself again that you see yourself for the nice person that you are and learn to place valve in that.

beks101

I think you should wait until he's next in the building and then get a bit of work banter going with him.

Smile! Tell him every time he passes through you're either not there or rushing around like a blue-arsed fly and it's lovely to finally properly meet him. Keep eye contact, just see how you get on face to face.

I think you're building him up a bit and getting nervous because of your confidence issues, when really you should be treating him like a new friend. Find something work-related to chat about - perhaps a task he can help you with to break the face-to-face ice

From there, you'll be on a friendlier more familiar footing with one another and you can maybe pop him an IM, get chatting properly.

Celly Smunt

"ugh my computer is really acting up at home do you mind if i might call you if i get into trouble when i'm fixing it?"

Obviously beefed out,If he has a problem with that then he's not interested, if he says yes very cheerfully book a waxing appointment.

Us men are simple beings.

bellalisaa

folks thanks so much for all the replies...I feel a bit better now about it...am gonna play it cool and drop him an IM thanking him for all the help and just gonna say that I owe him a coffee the next time hes here....:-)

Slutmonkey57b

Definitely the best way to do it. Don't be put off by his nervousness, it's more likely that he's just nervous around people as it is that he's got a problem around you.

If you're unhappy with your weight, that's something you can work on on your own time, which might give you more confidence.

Katgurl

bellalisaa wrote: »

folks thanks so much for all the replies...I feel a bit better now about it...am gonna play it cool and drop him an IM thanking him for all the help and just gonna say that I owe him a coffee the next time hes here....:-)

perfect