I love you but I'm not in love with you?

unlucky35

That’s what my long term bf said to me. He said I’m more like a friend to him. I am attractive but I don’t turn him on and that is because I’m not the same person like I was in the beginning of our relationship. Yet, he’s trying and doesn’t want to breakup.

We didn’t have sex for months yet there are times he really wants sex, but since he’s not in love with me, I don’t feel like it.

We’re not on the same page on marriage and I accepted that, but I’m afraid it’s because he’s not in love. So he doesn’t want to marry ME, not because he is againts marriage itself? But he calims it’s not true.

I might be moving away in another country and spoke to him about it, but he doesn’t want to come. He stated he can’t leave his job, his friends, his family. So I feel I’m on the bottom of his priorities list.

Our relationship is really good, if you can believe it, and my bf is not depressed, but I don’t know what to do about this? I thought he is committed but now I don’t.

Eircom_Sucks

unlucky35 wrote: »

That’s what my long term bf said to me. He said I’m more like a friend to him. I am attractive but I don’t turn him on and that is because I’m not the same person like I was in the beginning of our relationship. Yet, he’s trying and doesn’t want to breakup.

We didn’t have sex for months yet there are times he really wants sex, but since he’s not in love with me, I don’t feel like it.

We’re not on the same page on marriage and I accepted that, but I’m afraid it’s because he’s not in love. So he doesn’t want to marry ME, not because he is againts marriage itself? But he calims it’s not true.

I might be moving away in another country and spoke to him about it, but he doesn’t want to come. He stated he can’t leave his job, his friends, his family. So I feel I’m on the bottom of his priorities list.

Our relationship is really good, if you can believe it, and my bf is not depressed, but I don’t know what to do about this? I thought he is committed but now I don’t.

move on with your life , he wants his cake and eat it

accept its over and move on 😟

Penny Tration

He's made it very, very clear that he does not love you and doesn't want to be with you.

It's time to move on, I'm afraid.

Tilly

I dont understand why you are with him after he told you he see's you only as a friend now? You're just wasting your time with him, he's not going to fall back in love with you if you're moving away too.

stargazer 68

unlucky35 wrote: »

He said I’m more like a friend to him. I am attractive but I don’t turn him on Yet, he’s trying and doesn’t want to breakup.

he doesn’t want to come. He stated he can’t leave his job, his friends, his family. So I feel I’m on the bottom of his priorities list.

Our relationship is really good,

Eh no Op your relationship is not good!! Its not even a relationship. If my BF told me I didnt turn him on that would be it never mind the rest of the stuff. Pick up your dignity and walk away now!

retro:electro

He has told you he is not attracted to you and only sees you as a friend, I would find it pretty hard to stick around if my boyfriend said those heartbreaking words to me. I don't blame you for not wanting to sleep with him, he's basically using you for sex whenever he gets the urge. Show him you have more self respect and self worth than that and move on.

LegacyUser

It's really hard to come to terms with things like this but for your own sake, you need to leave. You will only hurt yourself in the long run if you stay. I was in a relationship where my love wasn't returned and it ate my self esteem away. Only now 3 years later do I feel confident in myself again. so do it for you. You deserve someone who DOES love you. the sooner you do it, the better. Good luck.

Meauldsegosha

OP why are you willing to accept half a relationship? Your boyfriend has said he loves you as a friend, you don't turn him on, he doesn't want to marry you but you still think you have a good relationship.

Saralee4

how long are you together op?

after the initial infatuation in a relationship which I think is usually about 2 years, people usually gain a different kind of love, a deeper trusting and friendship but I would imagine in successful relationships that there is still an attraction there and in long term relationships, you kind slip in and out of different kinds of love as you go along. That's what I think anyway.

It sounds like your bf is not looking for this kind of thing and enjoyed the initial infatuation phase but is not ready for more.

Dial Hard

unlucky35 wrote: »

That’s what my long term bf said to me. He said I’m more like a friend to him. I am attractive but I don’t turn him on and that is because I’m not the same person like I was in the beginning of our relationship. Yet, he’s trying and doesn’t want to breakup.

We didn’t have sex for months yet there are times he really wants sex, but since he’s not in love with me, I don’t feel like it.

Were there issues with not having sex very often before he said this to you? I ask because if it's a case that you weren't having sex for months on end and then he said this to you, it's kind of understandable. Being in a sexless relationship pretty much *is* just like being friends with someone. If this has been an ongoing thing, then I can kind of see where your boyfriend is coming from, and maybe saying this to you is his way of trying to fix it?

CaliforniaDream

The hardest thing in life is loving someone who doesn't love you. But you cannot force them to love you.

As hard as it may seem, your only option is to walk away and find a relationship that is worth having. From the sounds of it, neither of you have done anything wrong so try and leave with respect for each other and your dignity in tact.

Idle Passerby

unlucky35 wrote: »

Our relationship is really good... I thought he is committed but now I don’t.

Ah come on OP, you cant seriously call this relationship "really good". He doesn't fancy you anymore, you no longer have a sex life, He doesn't want to marry you in the future, he doesn't care if you move abroad. He's basically begging you to end it from what I can surmise! (which is cowardly on his part).

He might be telling you he is trying but if that was true why is he being so cold, insulting and disinterested? Leave him before your self esteem completely evaporates.

shalalala

OP, I got the same spiel last year. But I really don't see why you would stay together. One of you needs to make the jump out of this relationship. And I tend to think that that "I love you but am not in love with you" is a bit of a cop out. My mother and I heard that from our exes within a month of each other!

Move to the other country, see the world, travel, broaden your horizons and meet w man that will be IN love with you. You deserve it!

IlmoNT4

He just doesnt have the balls to break up with you and thinks its ok to treat you like this. You got one thing right in your assessment, you arent a priority to him.

Break up OP, go live the fantastic life with a guy who loves you. This fool cant even do the right thing for you and just break up with you.

DeltaWhite

I'm trying to put myself in your position OP, with my OH and I have to say, if he had told me all that I honestly couldn't stay with him. I love him to pieces but there's no way I could sit with him with a smile on my face pretending everything is all good. You're wasting the time you've been given on this planet - with him.

The worst case scenario here is you stay with him and your confidence and self esteem are going to be in the gutter. Why stay in a relationship if there's no future there? That's how I would look at it. Very sorry for you OP, I had something similar happen to me and it took me a long time to get back to myself. I'm still a little insecure over it to be honest. I wasn't so wise back then and should have walked away from my ex sooner than I did. I feel like your bf is probably trying to push you into calling it because he doesn't have the balls to do it.

Ethel

unlucky35 wrote: »

That’s what my long term bf said to me. He said I’m more like a friend to him. I am attractive but I don’t turn him on and that is because I’m not the same person like I was in the beginning of our relationship. Yet, he’s trying and doesn’t want to breakup.

We didn’t have sex for months yet there are times he really wants sex, but since he’s not in love with me, I don’t feel like it.

We’re not on the same page on marriage and I accepted that, but I’m afraid it’s because he’s not in love. So he doesn’t want to marry ME, not because he is againts marriage itself? But he calims it’s not true.

I might be moving away in another country and spoke to him about it, but he doesn’t want to come. He stated he can’t leave his job, his friends, his family. So I feel I’m on the bottom of his priorities list.

Our relationship is really good, if you can believe it, and my bf is not depressed, but I don’t know what to do about this? I thought he is committed but now I don’t.

Don't belittle yourself by staying with this man. Do you not think you deserve better than this? Why should you be his 'will do for now' woman?

It will require a bit of bravery and a leap into the unknown to get on that plane, but you WILL ask yourself in the future why you didn't do it sooner.

You've come here because you know this is a shambolic set up. You've been given honest unbiased advice. What are you waiting for!? Move on.

captainfrost

Stop trying to fix him, You can not make someone fall in love with you.
And from the look of things he wants to **** around and still keep you. So selfcentered!!!