Need advice

tayto2015

I went to the doctor this morning and the doctor has found lumps in my breast, I have to go and get an ultrasound. When I text my boyfriend to tell him he responded with Jesus you don't want to be hearing things like that, they never felt lumpy to me haha.I am quite worried about the situation and really annoyed at my boyfriends response. Am I being stupid?

cleopatra11

tayto2015 wrote: »

I went to the doctor this morning and the doctor has found lumps in my breast, I have to go and get an ultrasound. When I text my boyfriend to tell him he responded with Jesus you don't want to be hearing things like that, they never felt lumpy to me haha.I am quite worried about the situation and really annoyed at my boyfriends response. Am I being stupid?

OP, first off, sorry to hear you are upset....

I recently had to go for a mamogram and ultrasound. My boyfriend responded in a similar way to yours. Yes it seems immature and i was irritated, but you know him not making a big deal of it actually lessened my anxiety.

His attitude was 'we don't know if anything is wrong, so don't worry till you get results'. You know what, he was right. My mother was fussing around me and it wound me up something terrible even though her heart was in the right place.

I find that as a rule of thumb, men 'do' solutions not emotions. Let your female friends and family give you that support and let him support you by taking your mind off it.... it will help balance it out.

Best of luck.

tayto2015

cleopatra11 wrote: »

OP, first off, sorry to hear you are upset....

I recently had to go for a mamogram and ultrasound. My boyfriend responded in a similar way to yours. Yes it seems immature and i was irritated, but you know him not making a big deal of it actually lessened my anxiety.

His attitude was 'we don't know if anything is wrong, so don't worry till you get results'. You know what, he was right. My mother was fussing around me and it wound me up something terrible even though her heart was in the right place.

I find that as a rule of thumb, men 'do' solutions not emotions. Let your female friends and family give you that support and let him support you by taking your mind off it.... it will help balance it out.

Best of luck.

Thanks Cleopatra11..
I wasn't planning on telling anybody else especially my Mother as I'm living in a different country and don't want her to worry about something that will probably turn out fine. I just wanted to chat to somebody that reassure me but that's obviously not my boyfriend. I will tell one of my female friends. I am quite private so don't want to be chatting bout this this to too many.
Thanks again for your reply.

cleopatra11

tayto2015 wrote: »

Thanks Cleopatra11..
I wasn't planning on telling anybody else especially my Mother as I'm living in a different country and don't want her to worry about something that will probably turn out fine. I just wanted to chat to somebody that reassure me but that's obviously not my boyfriend. I will tell one of my female friends. I am quite private so don't want to be chatting bout this this to too many.
Thanks again for your reply.

Go talk to a friend. You need to do this. You will feel anxious and you need an outlet. Let a friend support you. Your boyf is probably does not know what to say and so it trying to make light of it.

tayto2015

cleopatra11 wrote: »

Go talk to a friend. You need to do this. You will feel anxious and you need an outlet. Let a friend support you. Your boyf is probably does not know what to say and so it trying to make light of it.

Thanks I will go and chat to one of the girls.
All the best

pookie82

I could see my boyfriend writing the exact same thing! And to be honest it would be as a result of shock and wanting to normalise or even "laugh away" a horrible situation.

I'm sure if you tell him face to face that this is really concerning you and you need his support, he'll take it more seriously and be there for you. If he still continues to laugh it away after that, then I'd have concerns.

Not about this particular instance alone, but his ability to deal with anything serious or support you in life in general.

For now, concentrate on yourself, confide in a female friend if you can, and I'm sure when he sees how anxious you really are, he'll come around and be there for you.

DeltaWhite

My bf is the same, he is just not good with hearing anything about me in a medical sense. He freaks out over the smallest things so I actually just don't tell him now. That's what my girl friends are for.

I had the same thing by the way OP, when I was 24 had to go for all tests and everything was ok. Try not panic about it all because it really doesn't help!

Neyite

My partner might not laugh it off, but he would certainly play down any concerns or worries he had. It's his thing. When I was going through a few tests and exploratory procedures it was only afterwards he admitted he was deliberately being positive and optimistic for my benefit, but he was quite concerned in secret.

Maybe its something like that? Sounds to me like a slightly clumsy way of reassuring you that it will be ok?

s15r330

Speaking as a male and a boyfriend, totally inappropriate response imo. I wonder if the roles were reversed and he found a lump downstairs and you had the same reaction how he'd react, not well i'd say.

walkingshadow

OP, first of all it could be a number of things. A relation of mine had a CT scan a few months back that showed up 'lumps' but these 'lumps' just turned out to be fat deposits in the breast. I know its easier said than done, but try not to worry. I will say a prayer for you.

iusedtoknow

TBH, it sounds like that would be my first instinct as well, but I have also learned not to follow my first instinct in these sort of things. I know from experience though that when there is a partner going through something medical related, there is always one that tries to keep things positive and light until there is something serious to actually worry about. I'm pretty sure this is what your BF was trying to do. I don't think there is anything much else to it than that.

kylith

He's trying to diffuse a tense situation with humour and trying to take the view that there's no point in panicking until you have something to panic about. I'd bet that inside he's screaming with fear and frustration but he probably feels that if he starts freaking out you'll start freaking out so he's being 'strong' for now.

If he's like that when you see him this evening I'd be concerned, but I bet he'll want nothing more than to wrap his arms around you and tell you that it's all going to be ok.

TheBeardedLady

iusedtoknow wrote: »

TBH, it sounds like that would be my first instinct as well, but I have also learned not to follow my first instinct in these sort of things. I know from experience though that when there is a partner going through something medical related, there is always one that tries to keep things positive and light until there is something serious to actually worry about. I'm pretty sure this is what your BF was trying to do. I don't think there is anything much else to it than that.

Agreed and I don't it's necessarily down to gender as I'd be the "stay positive 'till we know something for definite" person in our relationship. I'd say he knows there's more than likely nothing to worry about and is trying to keep you calm. Look after yourself, OP.

whiskeyman

I really dont think texts are good for this kind of news to be honest.
Calls if needed, but you really should have waited for face to face.
People tend to think and be more jokey / sarcastic with texts, and it can also be picked up wrong. You need support and understanding for such news and a text is not the way to send or receive it.

anyway, please try not to worry. These things are common and usually nothing to worry about. Better safe than sorry.

Take care

Can we please make it a rule where people cannot say, "Oh, you should call instead of text"? Some people prefer texting instead of call, get over it.

Anyway, OP, he's trying to keep you calm by making jokes. Don't worry.

SpaceTime

I'm not sure it's a male vs female thing. Some people just react to worrying news by trying to take your mind off it.

It mightn't be the response you are looking for, but it's unlikely to be a negative or dismissive thing either.

You say something like "my house is being repossessed "

They say "ah you'll be grand!!"

It's an optimism that some people have and it's just how they deal with life. It's not necessary a bad thing. They'll also usually support you to the hilt in a crisis situation but they'll never see anything other than the positive possibilities and always select them.

cactusgal

Hey OP,

Sorry to hear you are going through this, I've been there too, it's very worrying, but the doctors are just trying to be extra vigilant. I was fine in the end and I'm sure you will be, too.

I think your boyfriend's response is very juvenile and I'd be p@ssed off. It's your body, it's not a joke. I'd tell him that you weren't impressed with his reaction at a time when you needed support.

That's just me, though. Take care of yourself, try not to worry. Xx

whiskeyman

Deleted User wrote: »

Can we please make it a rule where people cannot say, "Oh, you should call instead of text"? Some people prefer texting instead of call, get over it..

Can we also have a rule where posters aren't attacked for giving advice when it was asked for :rolleyes:

Have you talked to him about it since?
It may be ok if he's somewhat jokey at first, but he must sense if you're worried and try to be sensitive to some degree.

tayto2015

Thanks for all the replies. I only text him because he had a long day at work and wouldn't be able to chat and I just really needed to get it off my chest.I met up with him since and he has been great, supportive, loving and I now know that all he is doing is trying to make me not worry. I am sure it will turn out to be nothing. Of course I can't help worrying anyway, it's human nature.