My Beautiful Sister

heretothere

So, my sister passed away at 33 (stupid cancer, and she was always so good) How do I deal with this?

Our mam passed less than a year before her and dad a few years ago but even though I felt their lives had been cut short it doesn't even compare to this. I just don't know what to do.

And then some times I feel I am not grieving properly I only cry when I hear songs that make me really remember her. Not that I don't think of her all the time. It just seems to be the only time I actually let myself cry. I

t has only been a few weeks, but I just miss her so much and it is all so so so unfair. A beautiful girl with two young boys, the hospice let her marry her long term partner in there, which was beautifully bitter sweet, they went above and beyond but it should not have been in there not at her age.

silverfeather

Sibling grief must be so hard. You expected to live with her there. She has always been there in your life. It sounds like she had created a beautiful family and as you say it's so bitter sweet.

There is no such thing as improper grief. The sibling connection is profound.

I am so sorry.x

Spanish Eyes

Losing a sister or brother is devastating. I know all about that sadly.

OP, it is early days, and from my own experience we are a bit numb for a good while, the reality of the loss doesn't kick in for ages IME.

But there will come a day when you will howl for Ireland at your loss. I did, and it came out of the blue one day. I don't know what brought it on but I was in bits for hours on end. Couldn't stop crying and wailing.

I think the reality of the awful loss only happens on the second anniversary TBH. At least that is what I am feeling right now. My beloved sister died in July 2013, so the date is fast approaching. And I know I will never ever see her again. Am in tears writing this.

But it is not about me, I am just hopefully giving you the benefit of my devastating experience. I hope that is OK with you OP.

There is going to be pain, lots of it. And the pain is real. It is strange that way. But the old saying the time makes it easier to bear is true. It doesn't change the awful grief, but you just have to go on, and the memories become more happy if you can understand me.

At first I couldn't say her name without having a box of tissues beside me. Now I can remember all the mad things we did, and the fun we had, and all the rest of it.

I am so sorry for your loss. No one can go through the grief journey for you. It is a personal thing.

Get the photos up around your house, talk to her, remember her, and laugh when you are ready.

My very best wishes. It is an awful journey to have to make. But there we are, we cannot change it.

Diane Selwyn

So sorry for your loss OP. My brother was 33 when he died. It's really young and totally unfair that he just didn't get the luxury of time that the rest of us have. At the same time I think I sometimes get a bit hung up on the numbers and maybe use that as a way of trying to make sense of it. He was the second youngest and my youngest brother is 33 now and I think we are all really aware of it in a weird way that I hope doesn't add to the stress for him! You try and find reason where there isn't really any I guess. That said there is no right way to grieve - there is however a wrong way which would be to not talk about or acknowledge your feelings so I guess you are on the right track anyway. I used to go to a bereavement group once a month and found it really helpful both to have people I felt I could talk to without sounding like a broken record - also to have a dedicated time that was for remembering my brother (I still do this but not by going to the group anymore). Nothing will return things to what they were but you will find a new kind of equilibrium given time.