Total disaster

LegacyUser

I met a guy while on an overseas business trip we got on great and continued to see each other when we returned home we both live in Dublin
Anyway long story short we enjoyed a few dates, we also slept together I really was starting to begin to like him but I couldn't shake a niggling feeling he wasn't being honest, he always rang me when he was outside and I could never reach him after a certain time each night and he always came to my apartment I never went to his
Anyway we spent sat together n he stayed over sat night n then Sunday I went out for lunch with friends and here's where it all gets messy my friend who
I hadn't seen in a while was asking about this new guy when I told her Her face dropped she knew him and he has a girlfriend and kids who he lives with and they had been together over 10 years ... I felt sick
I also had to know but his phone was off and the wine was pouring at this stage which made me more determined so we went on fb to see if we could find him or even his gf I was hoping they would have broken up, we couldn't find them but we did find Her sister n I mailed asking her to ring me, she did and when I asked her she got so upset confirming they are still together!!!! I asked her to get her sister to ring me
Meanwhile he rings me going crazy accusing me of all sorts and saying I'm crazy he's beeing so horrible n saying everyone now hates me!!! He's totally turned this around on me and she hasn't called me so she obviously believes him
It's an awful mess I don't know what to do

Emme

It's simple - don't see him anymore. Block his number on your phone if necessary.

LegacyUser

Yeah block his number and block him out of your life forever.
I don't understand why you had to go and contact his girlfriends sister on fb, it does come across as a bit stalkeresque after your friend did tell you he was in a serious relationship.
As for his other half he has probably spun her a web of lies at this stage. She'll either believe him or eventually find out what he is really like.

skallywag

Let me begin by saying that you have my sympathy here and it's a rotten situation for anyone to be in.

That said though I think that you have played this badly i.e. why did you contact the sister rather than confront him directly the next time you spoke with him? i.e. what did you honestly expect the outcome to then be? I would not expect her to call you, the last thing she may be wishing to do at the minute is speak to you.

Whatever you do I would make no attempt whatsoever to contact this person or her sister again.

DeltaWhite

Serves him right! And foolish her if she believes him. I really despise men/women like him. How scummy do ye have to be to think you can get away with something like that.

A fella came into my job a few years ago and pestered me for my number, and my gut told me no. Luckily, my gut was right! Searched for him on fb and there he was in a wedding pic with his wife, and his cover photo was his 3 kids!! Charming!!

I'm sure you know this now but never go near him again. What a creep.

LegacyUser

Yes but I feel like he's totally blaming me for everything when he's the one that lied and deceived and I'm so worried what people are saying about me now
I find it bizarre she wouldn't ring Me

LegacyUser

I agree I shoudnt have contacted her sister but I was so upset and the wine made me braver I just feel so depressed and like a total fool

skallywag

Soup set wrote: »

I find it bizarre she wouldn't ring Me

I'm really struggling here to see your point here OP. I find it completely natural that someone may not want to speak to the woman who has been sleeping with her partner. In fact the thought of doing so may even horrify her. Can you not see that?

I know that none of this is of your making, but you are still 'the other woman' so to speak. I really think that you have nothing whatsoever to gain from speaking to her.

LegacyUser

skallywag wrote: »

I'm really struggling here to see your point here OP. I find it completely natural that someone may not want to speak to the woman who has been sleeping with her partner. In fact the thought of doing so may even horrify her. Can you not see that?

I know that none of this is of your making, but you are still 'the other woman' so to speak. I really think that you have nothing whatsoever to gain from speaking to her.

I know but I just want her to hear things from my side I will tell her everything because I'm sure his version of events are very different
He says everyone hates me which makes me think he's putting the blame on me it's so unfair I knew nothing about his secret life until Sunday plus I'm very hurt I honestly thought it was leading somewhere

pookie82

skallywag wrote: »

I'm really struggling here to see your point here OP. I find it completely natural that someone may not want to speak to the woman who has been sleeping with her partner. In fact the thought of doing so may even horrify her. Can you not see that?

I know that none of this is of your making, but you are still 'the other woman' so to speak. I really think that you have nothing whatsoever to gain from speaking to her.

Agreed. What does she have to say to you anyways? You sound like you would almost find some weird pleasure in providing her with every date, time and hour he spent with you and to thrash it all out and bit*h about him.

This is way more serious for her than it is for you, by the sounds of things. She has kids with him? And a long term relationship which has just shattered around her ears. Highly likely you'll never hear from her and frankly, in your position, I wouldn't even want to. It's not likely she wants to thrash it all out with the person who she possibly sees as the "cause" of all of this misery, however misguided that might be on her part. Also likely she doesn't want to talk to either him OR you about the sordid details. Maybe the knowledge it's happened is enough.

He's grasping at straws by trying to blame YOU for any downfall here, it's the oldest trick in the book. He might have been kicked out on his ear, he might talk her into giving him another chance... either way, it's nothing to you now that you're finished with him. Delete him, block him, and leave them to sort it out themselves.

Also not sure what your worry is re "everyone hates me". Who's everyone? Him, his gf and her sister? Despite you not being at fault here they are naturally predisposed to "hating" you now by virtue of your role in this, however unwittingly you participated. But surely since two of them are strangers and another is a scumbag, that's not exactly a disaster?

Neyite

Soup set wrote: »

I know but I just want her to hear things from my side I will tell her everything because I'm sure his version of events are very different

Take a step back here.

Her sister will know how upset you were when you found out, how honest and forthcoming you were. When the girlfriends head stops reeling, she will remember her sister telling her that. Of course his version of events will be different. Cheaters always paint the third party as a bunny boiler or an unstable stalker. Just dont play his hands on this by trying to contact her any more. She has the information and its up to her what she wants to do with it. If you try to contact her more, he gets another go at painting you as unstable.

He says everyone hates me which makes me think he's putting the blame on me.

Again, stop panicking and look at this logically. Everyone hates you? Why would everyone hate you? Its not like you laid a trap for him to fall into you dick first. He is the one who was attached. He is the one who cheated and lied. You got caught in the crossfire but nobody will hate you. Except him. Because you blew the whistle on his cheating. If someone contacted me distraught because they slept with my sisters husband I'd hate him and feel very sorry for you that you were lied to. He is saying they hate you so you'll avoid people and therefore avoid spilling more beans.

I knew nothing about his secret life until Sunday plus I'm very hurt I honestly thought it was leading somewhere

He played you and that is hurtful. That will take time to heal. Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself.

LegacyUser

Soup set wrote: »

I know but I just want her to hear things from my side I will tell her everything because I'm sure his version of events are very different
He says everyone hates me which makes me think he's putting the blame on me it's so unfair I knew nothing about his secret life until Sunday plus I'm very hurt I honestly thought it was leading somewhere

Why would she want to hear your side of things?

She doesn't know you from Adam. You're just some randomner that her OH fooled around with. Her life has just crashed down and she is trying to deal with that, her kids and her OH. I'm sorry OP, you just don't feature on her radar other than as "the other woman". Of course she hates you. Why wouldn't she? I'm pretty sure she hates you both, and I'm sorry but in these circumstances, that is totally understandable.

Also in my own opinion, getting in touch with the sister (through Facebook!) was an awfully stupid thing to do (to be blunt).

I do understand your point in that it wasn't your fault at all. But really you need to draw the line under it now, block the guy off and aim to never be in communication with him again. He has some major issues to sort out, and you are better off to be well out and away from this. You simply have to accept that you cannot explain this to her because this is between the two of them, and you should walk away.

Matteroffact

Anyone who knows you both will know that he's the one who cheated, not you and they will be able to put two and two together as to why he is spreading hurtful comments about you. So you can forget about everyone thinking that you are the guilty party here. If you were into stealing this guy from his partner why would you ring the partner's sister and blow the whistle on him. People can figure this out for themselves so quit worrying.

Idle Passerby

I'm astounded your friend allowed you to contact his wife's sister, talk about a lack of damage control! But that's neither here nor there now.

I know you instinctively want to give your side and try to prevent his badmouthing but you have no role in this situation any more. The moment the cheating was exposed was the moment you became nothing but collateral damage to this guys marriage problems.

Its obvious he's going to try to shift all the blame onto a third party, he's trying to minimise the sh1tstorm that's just exploded in his life. If I were you I'd be hoping his wife has the self control and grace not to contact you because if she does its unlikely she would sympathise with your position regardless of your innocence.

"Everybody" is not going to hate you. But emotions are high, and its easier to direct anger and hatred towards a random stranger than towards someone you know and care about.

LegacyUser

Idle Passerby wrote: »

I'm astounded your friend allowed you to contact his wife's sister, talk about a lack of damage control! But that's neither here nor there now.

I know you instinctively want to give your side and try to prevent his badmouthing but you have no role in this situation any more. The moment the cheating was exposed was the moment you became nothing but collateral damage to this guys marriage problems.

Its obvious he's going to try to shift all the blame onto a third party, he's trying to minimise the sh1tstorm that's just exploded in his life. If I were you I'd be hoping his wife has the self control and grace not to contact you because if she does its unlikely she would sympathise with your position regardless of your innocence.

"Everybody" is not going to hate you. But emotions are high, and its easier to direct anger and hatred towards a random stranger than towards someone you know and care about.

He's not married aparantly just together 10 years which I know is neither here nor there
He honestly told me he was single he was able to take me on dates, he even picked me up from work a few times and had no issues being introduced to my brother on a night out
The only red flags were he signed off every night around 10. And when he rang me he always seemed to b outside
This is all my fault I'm an idiot for not listening to my gut and then for losing my head when I found out I should have just confronted him

CaraMay

I don't understand who hates you? I thought you didn't know people in common?

LegacyUser

CaraMay wrote: »

I don't understand who hates you? I thought you didn't know people in common?

He's telling me this, he basically said u done yourself no favours everyone hates you

CaraMay

And who is everyone? His gf? I'm sure she does but less than she hates him.

Ignore him and move on. Even if she believes him after this time, she won't after the next.

You are overthinking this. He's in the past. Block him and delete him. He's her problem now.

I think it was right for the sister to find out tbh

But the girlfriend is not going to call you. She's heard all she needs to hear from her sister and now she needs to pick up the pieces of her life. You do not feature in that.

Of course your man is going ballistic at you. He's been found out and he's a nasty piece of work showing his true colours

Block his number and don't listen to anything else he has to say
And don't try to contact the sister again either. Nobody wants or needs to hear your side. You're some random woman who did them a favour. I'm not saying it to be mean, but your part in this is done now and it's time to walk away.

Stavro Mueller

Every now and then, threads pop up here where someone who has found out about a love cheat will ask "Should I tell?". Generally the answer is No. You're opening up a can of worms/it's none of your business/you don't know what arrangement they have. Yet amongst the Nos there will always be the people who'd tell. Sometimes people who have been cheated on will comment and say they wish their friends had said something. So I don't think it's as cut and dried as some posters will have you believe. I think though that you need to step right back from this and say no more to anyone. You can bet your bottom dollar that all hell is breaking loose still and it's up to them to sort it.

Try not to let this guy's vicious words get to you. Yeah, I know it's easier said than done. When it comes down to it, he is the bad guy here. He chose to cheat on his partner and children with you. He lied to them, he lied to you. He was brazen enough to meet your friend and pass himself off as your boyfriend... While the way the truth came out was ham-fisted, is it really a bad thing that it did? Naturally I feel sorry for his girlfriend but maybe it is better that she knows what sort of man she's with? Nobody forced him to cheat on her. It was the risk he took, just the same as anyone else who cheats on a partner. Naturally he hates you now and it'd be expected that he'd be lashing out. I'd not be so sure his sister and the girlfriend hate you though. I'm sure they're not too keen on you at the moment but if they're mad at you, it's for different reasons to why this guy is.

I think your heart was in the right place and that you thought you were doing the right thing. I'm sure there are people who think you did, albeit in a messy way. And unlike some women, you decided on the spot that that was the end of you and him. You weren't willing to be his bit on the side. You should be commended for that, for setting standards for yourself. For trying to do the right thing.

Full Marx

You have my sym

LegacyUser

Stavro Mueller wrote: »

Every now and then, threads pop up here where someone who has found out about a love cheat will ask "Should I tell?". Generally the answer is No. You're opening up a can of worms/it's none of your business/you don't know what arrangement they have. Yet amongst the Nos there will always be the people who'd tell. Sometimes people who have been cheated on will comment and say they wish their friends had said something. So I don't think it's as cut and dried as some posters will have you believe. I think though that you need to step right back from this and say no more to anyone. You can bet your bottom dollar that all hell is breaking loose still and it's up to them to sort it.

Try not to let this guy's vicious words get to you. Yeah, I know it's easier said than done. When it comes down to it, he is the bad guy here. He chose to cheat on his partner and children with you. He lied to them, he lied to you. He was brazen enough to meet your friend and pass himself off as your boyfriend... While the way the truth came out was ham-fisted, is it really a bad thing that it did? Naturally I feel sorry for his girlfriend but maybe it is better that she knows what sort of man she's with? Nobody forced him to cheat on her. It was the risk he took, just the same as anyone else who cheats on a partner. Naturally he hates you now and it'd be expected that he'd be lashing out. I'd not be so sure his sister and the girlfriend hate you though. I'm sure they're not too keen on you at the moment but if they're mad at you, it's for different reasons to why this guy is.

I think your heart was in the right place and that you thought you were doing the right thing. I'm sure there are people who think you did, albeit in a messy way. And unlike some women, you decided on the spot that that was the end of you and him. You weren't willing to be his bit on the side. You should be commended for that, for setting standards for yourself. For trying to do the right thing.

I really was just hoping to God for validation he was single

LegacyUser

OP, I hope that you have learned the biggest lesson of all from this and it is that you slept with him too soon, and that perhaps a thread like this could be used as a sticky to encourage girls to wait a while before sleeping with a guy.

You were on a business trip and allowed him to woo and seduce you. Nothing wrong with that only you should have said no full hanky panky till ye got back to Ireland and were dating and were an item. This should have been especially your policy once you started to have your suspicians about him.

What's done is done and I would be less critical of you calling the sister, as said above perhaps it wasnt a bad thing. Regarding everyone hating the OP, he may have meant mutual acquaintances from the business trip. He may have been a popular member from the trip. Maybe he has some work connection whch could make things a little ackward. All the more reason for a person not taking things too far when away like this and waiting till you are in a relationship to take things further, a chancer like this guy wont stay around that long.

Flippyfloppy

I wouldn't be too worried about the sleeping with him 'too soon' aspect. What's done is done and it wouldn't have changed the outcome of him having a girlfriend and kids.

And I doubt he'd be dumb enough to immediately inform all his business contacts about the affair upon his girlfriend finding out about it.

Stavro Mueller

What happened to you could've happened to anyone. You met what you thought was a nice single man. Who knows how long this could've gone on for before you were caught out or your suspicions got the better of you? While I can understand why you felt the need to tell someone belonging to him, your desire to talk to his girlfriend defies logic and good sense. It's a bit like someone hammering a nail into a board, then keeps hitting it with the hammer even though it's in place. your quest for validation could get you into trouble yet so step back from this and just do your job.

As flippyfloppy above me has rightly pointed out, he's not going to want to tell everyone that he cheated on his girlfriend and that he's now in the doghouse. He's hopping mad, he's in hot water, he could lose everything...he should've thought of all that before he decided to woo other women.

The Dark Side

Oldmoralsarebest wrote: »

perhaps a thread like this could be used as a sticky to encourage girls to wait a while before sleeping with a guy.

What a ridiculous suggestion.

SF12

Soup set wrote: »

I really was just hoping to God for validation he was single

OP it's not your fault. He was the baxtard in all of this. I know you want to try and justify and explain yourself, because you weren't in the wrong. But seriously, you aren't in their relationship - you wouldn't know his wife and kids if you walked into them on the street - so you just have nothing else whatsoever to do with this. Please, just leave it where it is. I'm afraid this is something that you have to chalk up to experience, and move on from. He has far bigger problems now, but they are of his own doing.

As for everybody hating you - they don't even know you, and you don't know them. It's hard, but you need to forget about it. He is at fault and he is going to have to deal with the fall out here. You need to stay away from everybody involved.

miamee

Oldmoralsarebest wrote: »

OP, I hope that you have learned the biggest lesson of all from this and it is that you slept with him too soon, and that perhaps a thread like this could be used as a sticky to encourage girls to wait a while before sleeping with a guy.

You were on a business trip and allowed him to woo and seduce you. Nothing wrong with that only you should have said no full hanky panky till ye got back to Ireland and were dating and were an item. This should have been especially your policy once you started to have your suspicians about him.

What's done is done and I would be less critical of you calling the sister, as said above perhaps it wasnt a bad thing. Regarding everyone hating the OP, he may have meant mutual acquaintances from the business trip. He may have been a popular member from the trip. Maybe he has some work connection whch could make things a little ackward. All the more reason for a person not taking things too far when away like this and waiting till you are in a relationship to take things further, a chancer like this guy wont stay around that long.

OP, please do not pay any attention to this very confusing post. None of this is your fault at all, the guy lied and he cheated. You went along with what you believed to be a nice guy in good faith, there is nothing wrong with that at all.

According to the poster above all women should be assuming that men are cheaters and liars until they prove otherwise by dating for a while (which proves nothing at all) but that is simply not true and not a healthy way to go about life.

Do trust your instincts more in future, it seems you had an inkling that something wasn't right and it turned out you were correct. Hopefully you can forget this guy and move on...any trouble caused by his partner finding out about you two is his problem now, I'd leave the two of them to it.

ShaShaBear

The only lesson to be learned here, and the only mistake you made in my eyes, is that you should have confronted the man you were sleeping with and no-one else. 10 years of a relationship together and kids to boot, and the chances are she loves and trusts him implicitly. Why you would think that she would believe your story over his is just odd.
Actually, if my sister got in touch with me to say that some girl was claiming to have a relationship with my partner, I'd probably ignore it too. I'd listen to what he has to say on the subject, and that would be that unless he admitted to it! Chances are he has told his partner you are some sort of stalker, which would make total sense to her and ease her fears as that would explain why you would know when he wasn't at home etc. Contacting the sister to make sure the partner found out comes across as spiteful and an intentional attempt to break up a family in that case.

Obviously you are in no way at fault for dating him, believing him or sleeping with him at any point. He is the cheater here. But the sensible thing to do is confront him, tell them you know the truth and that you'll have nothing more to do with him. Do not contact him further, and CERTAINLY do not presume to contact his partner to clear your name, you'll just make yourself look worse. Any woman that wants to hold on to a relationship will believe what she wants to and the chances are this man has already given her a more than satisfactory story. Anything you say to the contrary will just appear as lies from the woman that led her good man astray.

Neyite

Oldmoralsarebest wrote: »

OP, I hope that you have learned the biggest lesson of all from this and it is that you slept with him too soon, and that perhaps a thread like this could be used as a sticky to encourage girls to wait a while before sleeping with a guy.

You were on a business trip and allowed him to woo and seduce you. Nothing wrong with that only you should have said no full hanky panky till ye got back to Ireland and were dating and were an item. This should have been especially your policy once you started to have your suspicians about him.

The trouble with old fashioned 'values' and morals is that they are misogynistic and blame women for men's bad behaviour while assuming that men are uncontrollably led by their penis. And like other old fashioned values that discriminate, have no place in modern society. I think its safe to say mods will not be stickying this kind of advice.

LegacyUser

I admit that I shouldn't have focused on the female when I said that the OP should have waited until she was sure about the relationship. Of course that also applies to guys. However the point is still the same if she had waited until she was sure of his bona fides then this "total disaster" as she term it would not have happened.

Remember the OP was away on business and the environment did not lend itself to her easily knowing his background. She had doubts and she may have had some doubts early on. If she had any doubts at all she should have held off and take it more slowly.

I actually remember a possibly similar situation happening to me quite a few years ago. I am a guy and a colleague on a business trip made it clear on a couple of occasions that she was interested in getting together. I was tempted but did suspect that she had a boyfriend (we didnt know each other overly well). I didnt take up the offer and was glad as she did get married a few years later (and he was much bigger than me!).

However, as I said what is done is done and the OP should ignore his attempts at scaring her off and comments about people hating her, thats very unlikely. She will have learned a life lesson and next time she meets a guy on a business trip take it slowly if there is any doubt at all as to his bona fides.

LegacyUser

Oldmoralsarebest wrote: »

I admit that I shouldn't have focused on the female when I said that the OP should have waited until she was sure about the relationship. Of course that also applies to guys. However the point is still the same if she had waited until she was sure of his bona fides then this "total disaster" as she term it would not have happened.

Remember the OP was away on business and the environment did not lend itself to her easily knowing his background. She had doubts and she may have had some doubts early on. If she had any doubts at all she should have held off and take it more slowly.

I actually remember a possibly similar situation happening to me quite a few years ago. I am a guy and a colleague on a business trip made it clear on a couple of occasions that she was interested in getting together. I was tempted but did suspect that she had a boyfriend (we didnt know each other overly well). I didnt take up the offer and was glad as she did get married a few years later (and he was much bigger than me!).

However, as I said what is done is done and the OP should ignore his attempts at scaring her off and comments about people hating her, thats very unlikely. She will have learned a life lesson and next time she meets a guy on a business trip take it slowly if there is any doubt at all as to his bona fides.

Op here I think I should clarify I met him on the trip we dated for 3 weeks before I slept with Him and it was Him who told me he wanted to take it show as he wanted to prove to me it wasn't about sex
He really did play me like a symphony

face1990

But the problem isn't that she slept with him - the problem is that he cheated on his girlfriend.
Which is his problem.
OP can block all contact and that should be the situation resolved for OP.

People generally don't do background checks on people before sleeping with them. It's reasonable to expect others not to cheat, and if they do it's not you at fault.

buried

Soup set wrote: »

Op here I think I should clarify I met him on the trip we dated for 3 weeks before I slept with Him and it was Him who told me he wanted to take it show as he wanted to prove to me it wasn't about sex
He really did play me like a symphony

No OP. He played himself. And there is entirely no need for you to feel bad about any of this. As many here have advised, block the number and move on from this noise. You've had a lucky escape IMO.

Colser

Did the sister tell his partner or maybe she just confronted him? I wouldnt expect a call from her for a long time OP if ever as Id say she must be in bits if she knows about it.
I wouldnt give a flying f*ck about him tbh and of course he will try and throw it back on you but lets be honest he is grasping at straws doing that.

I think that the best thing about what you did is that youve given her 100% proof of what he has done.Its up to her what she does with him but he can never deny what he did,too often what happens to cheaters partners is that they know something is up but they cant prove it.
She probably wont thank you any time soon for it but down the line she will see the massive favour you have done for her.
Concentrate on yourself now OP and let him sort out his mess.I for one think you did the right thing given the circumstances and have nothing to be sorry for..hes 100% at fault here.:)

Heat_Wave

buried wrote: »

No OP. He played himself. And there is entirely no need for you to feel bad about any of this. As many here have advised, block the number and move on from this noise. You've had a lucky escape IMO.

Of course the OP was played. She was led to believe that he was single and he completely played her to get a night in the sack.

I don't think the OP feels bad about any of it. I think she is hurt and rightly so.

Time is the only thing that will heal the OP's pain.

Chin up OP.

buried

Heat_Wave wrote: »

Of course the OP was played. She was led to believe that he was single and he completely played her to get a night in the sack.

I don't think the OP feels bad about any of it. I think she is hurt and rightly so.

Time is the only thing that will heal the OP's pain.

Chin up OP.

Cool your jets Heatwave, all I'm doing is pointing out this guy played himself and at least the OP now knows the truth about this guy, and so do a lot more people thankfully through his "too smart, no smart actions". It could have been much worse, such as if the OP never found out the truth and was seeing this guy for months or even years until they found out the truth.

LegacyUser

buried wrote: »

Cool your jets Heatwave, all I'm doing is pointing out this guy played himself and at least the OP now knows the truth about this guy, and so do a lot more people thankfully through his "too smart, no smart actions". It could have been much worse, such as if the OP never found out the truth and was seeing this guy for months or even years until they found out the truth.

Thank you all so much guys it's heartwarming knowing that there are so many decent people out there
I did feel used and I think I'll b very cautious about the next guy I meet
I hope to god I never see that lowlife again
But thank you all so much for the replies and support through this nightmare xxxx

giggle84

Hi OP,

I can understand you wanting to explain yourself and make his gf see that you're as innocent as her in this, you're hurt too and you're angry that he used you and made you the other woman. I get it. But I can assure you from experience this will not make you or her feel any better. Whether she forgives him or dumps him, having the gory details going around in her head will not help her in any way, it will make it worse for her. And talking to her will not make her like you or forgive you or understand your position, because from her point of view she is the injured party, not you. So you won't get anything out of it either, you'll probably just feel worse.

His actions are a reflection on him, not you. He's a jerk, thank your lucky stars you didn't waste any more time on him and move on. He could have fooled anyone and unfortunately this time it was you, but that does not make you a fool.

Rise above. You'll move on and forget about him in a few months but he'll still be a jerk.

CaraMay

Op I wouldn't be above normal cautious about the next guy. No point bringing baggage into a new relationship. You were unlucky. It doesn't mean the next guy you meet will be an ass. Proceed as normal and don't let this guy ruin anything more for you. There are tonnes of great guys out there who won't do this.

Heat_Wave

buried wrote: »

Cool your jets Heatwave, all I'm doing is pointing out this guy played himself and at least the OP now knows the truth about this guy, and so do a lot more people thankfully through his "too smart, no smart actions". It could have been much worse, such as if the OP never found out the truth and was seeing this guy for months or even years until they found out the truth.

Cool my jets?

I wasn't going mad *insert confused face here!

buried

Heat_Wave wrote: »

Cool my jets?

I wasn't going mad *insert confused face here!

Sorry! My bad, I apologise

captainfrost

I know you disappointed, but still why the much trouble over a cheat?, treat them like a bad dream and forget about it.
With this one he has kids and a wife. And for the sister to be angry, it simply means hes not a natural cheat, this means they will settle it and you will be the one in the black skin and 2 horns.
The fact that you still posting here only means you are not over it, or you just love the attention.
So forget about it am move on.