No Experience With Women

LegacyUser

I'm a 27 year old guy who has a lot of things going for me such as an active social life, actively playing football, tag rugby along with some adventurous sports. But one thing has eluded me and that is any sort of relations with women.

It's quite embarrassing my lack of experience with women at this age, I always try and avoid conversations with friends and family about this topic. My family keep asking me about it and they just think I'm just being private which leads them to ask why I'm so private about it.

I have had women interested in me in the past but I seem to do all the wrong things (i.e. do nothing by not asking them out/try to kiss them) and they lose interest basically I've no game. A female friend has told me another mutual friend was interested in me who I would say is way out of my league but this female friend has also in past tried to set me up with a girl who already has a boyfriend.

I've done solo travelling and gone to a fair few meetups and I've met women who were interested in me but because I've no idea on what to do it never leads anywhere.

I hadn't kissed a girl in 8 years but I thankfully broke that last week with a girl who has since left Ireland. We had been on a few dates (she asked me out first) late last year but it never worked out but he got together at her leaving party. The strange thing was I felt nothing no jubilation of breaking my 8 year record or delight at kissing that girl, I cannot even remember it all that well but I can remember everything either side of it.

TBH I just feel awkward around girls I like and don't know what to do when I like a girl. Everyone else seems to know what to do when it comes to dating etc and figured this out when they were teenagers but here I am nearing 30 and still clueless.

How can I improve this situation?

Minera

Well you seem to be doing the right things to meet someone I think you need confidence! The only way you can do that is to avoid the school age set ups ie don't let your friends set you up. And get out there, smile and have a good time and don't let your nerves hold you back!

Est28

Minera wrote: »

Well you seem to be doing the right things to meet someone I think you need confidence! The only way you can do that is to avoid the school age set ups ie don't let your friends set you up. And get out there, smile and have a good time and don't let your nerves hold you back!

"Be yourself, everything you are doing is EXACTLY what you should be doing even though it hasn't worked for years... keep going!"

Sorry OP, the above is terrible advice. If you're doing something that's not working you need to change it up.

One thing that jumps out is you're an active guy, that's great, but is it mostly with the lads? You need to mix it up so you're going things where it's 50/50. Once you do, the next step depends. But it sounds like you're not making moves, you want to girls to come to you. It won't happen that way. You need to be more forward and stand out from the other guys.

I'll leave it at that, it's hard to get into specifics without you telling us more, but that's the gist. My main point was, people love to nose in these situations with the "be yourself", "just do you" type of answers. Look, nobody has to change who they are, but they can change up what they do a little. If you've been doing ANYTHING over and over without it working, it's time to try a new method. That's the answer there.

Augme

Just download Tinder and start ploughing through the dates. Aim to go on as many dates as you can and just consider it as practice. People aren't born with amazing social skills and the ability to pick up women. It's something everyone needs to learn.

Grandpa Hassan

A lot of people will advise you to take your time, relax, be yourself, and it will happen. I think they are speaking nonsense.

Behavioural habits form over time, and are ingrained in the neural pathways in our brains. Those pathways become efficient, and others become unused. Think of them as highways and overgrown country lane. You keep 'being yourself' nothing will change. it's the easy option....just keeping down that highway. Your brain just keeps doing the same thing.

You need to change your behaviours, as Est28 said. Get proactive....date a load....practice....use tinder. This is hard, and uncomfortable, as it means you have to push through those overgrown country lanes. That's why habits are so hard to break. But preservere, and these will become the norm and you will have a new set of habitual behaviours

I speak from personal experience. I had not dissimilar problems and a change in behaviour (which is now my norm) changed my life for the better

Boxy Vinny

LackOExp wrote: »

I'm a 27 year old guy who has a lot of things going for me such as an active social life, actively playing football, tag rugby along with some adventurous sports. But one thing has eluded me and that is any sort of relations with women.

It's quite embarrassing my lack of experience with women at this age, I always try and avoid conversations with friends and family about this topic. My family keep asking me about it and they just think I'm just being private which leads them to ask why I'm so private about it.

I have had women interested in me in the past but I seem to do all the wrong things (i.e. do nothing by not asking them out/try to kiss them) and they lose interest basically I've no game. A female friend has told me another mutual friend was interested in me who I would say is way out of my league but this female friend has also in past tried to set me up with a girl who already has a boyfriend.

I've done solo travelling and gone to a fair few meetups and I've met women who were interested in me but because I've no idea on what to do it never leads anywhere.

I hadn't kissed a girl in 8 years but I thankfully broke that last week with a girl who has since left Ireland. We had been on a few dates (she asked me out first) late last year but it never worked out but he got together at her leaving party. The strange thing was I felt nothing no jubilation of breaking my 8 year record or delight at kissing that girl, I cannot even remember it all that well but I can remember everything either side of it.

TBH I just feel awkward around girls I like and don't know what to do when I like a girl. Everyone else seems to know what to do when it comes to dating etc and figured this out when they were teenagers but here I am nearing 30 and still clueless.

How can I improve this situation?

Have you explored asexuality? It's possible you may just be putting yourself under pressure to adhere to social norms.

strobe

LackOExp wrote: »

I seem to do all the wrong things (i.e. do nothing by not asking them out/try to kiss them)

I am nearing 30 and still clueless.

You're not at all clueless. You know exactly what the problem is. You don't make a move. You don't ask girls out, you don't show your interest.

Rightly or wrongly a huge amount of girls, for a variety of reasons, just will wait for a guy to make the first moves.

If you like a girl, make a move, ask her out. It's that simple. Right how you're the equivalent of a job seeker strolling round business districts with your CV in your hand hoping companies will come out to you and ask if you'd like an interview. That's just not the world you live in. You have to approach them. Sometimes they'll have no jobs going, sometimes they will but you're not the candidate they're looking for, but if you don't apply you stay unemployed.

aidanki

Grandpa Hassan wrote: »

A lot of people will advise you to take your time, relax, be yourself, and it will happen. I think they are speaking nonsense.

Behavioural habits form over time, and are ingrained in the neural pathways in our brains. Those pathways become efficient, and others become unused. Think of them as highways and overgrown country lane. You keep 'being yourself' nothing will change. it's the easy option....just keeping down that highway. Your brain just keeps doing the same thing.

You need to change your behaviours, as Est28 said. Get proactive....date a load....practice....use tinder. This is hard, and uncomfortable, as it means you have to push through those overgrown country lanes. That's why habits are so hard to break. But preservere, and these will become the norm and you will have a new set of habitual behaviours

I speak from personal experience. I had not dissimilar problems and a change in behaviour (which is now my norm) changed my life for the better

how did you change your behaviour if you don't mind me asking ?

and from what to what ? im trying to change from being a v quite introvert to someone who actually can try and speak and talk to people, as a result of me being so quite and shy have v few friends something Im not happy about at all hence the question