My Story

D_D

Hi all,

(very) long time lurker and new poster to this forum. I just thought I would create this thread to thank all of the people in this forum for their great advice over the years and to give some of my story so that it may help others in a similar situation.

I'm a 27 year old male, and I've known I was gay probably from the age of 19-20. I have a good, loving family and great friends, but I never knew how any of them would react to me being gay. Because of this, I kept it a secret and told no one, no close friends, no family members, that I was gay until recently. This lead to many, many years of severe bouts of depression, another thing I had to keep hidden in case that threw up questions itself. I kept so much bottled in over the years that my mind constantly weighed heavily with doubts and ill thoughts that I knew something had to change. It was either these thoughts had to go, or I did.

Cut to May 2015. Referendum time. I took this as an opportunity to lightly discuss the topic of gay marriage, and gay Ireland in general with my family. When I first asked my parents about their feelings on it, about two weeks before polling day, their immediate reaction was 'No way should gay people be allowed marry, it goes against our beliefs'. I took this as a sign to stay quiet, back away, and to never mention it again with the folks. I ignored seeing them for the next two weeks in the run up to the referendum. I couldn't bare looking at them.

At the same time, I was in a Whatsapp group with my brothers who were also discussing the referendum (I'm the youngest with three older brothers). They were slagging off the idea of two gay people getting married and it really pi**ed me off. They knew something was up when I told them to shut up and I stopped messaging them. Everything that I had been bottling up over the past years started to come to a head and I had to talk to someone. I rang one of my good friends and met him for a drink. Had bit of cry just let loose on everything that had been going on with me over the past few years. He was excellent and told me it was going to be OK and that I had to talk to my folks.

That night I called over to them and told them I was gay. Their reaction was fantastic and they were really supportive, but they were also angry that I kept it a secret all these years. The brothers were also great and really supportive. And now all the family and friends know, it's great! A huge burden off the shoulders and I have a life to look forward to, I just need to get out there!

So my advice would be for those out there who are worried about coming out to family/friends, if they are worth the relationship they will rally behind you. But don't worry, even those you think may be the most difficult to overcome, they can surprise you as well. So cheers everyone! And sorry for a long post

squashman

Fair play on coming out. I know how hard it is personally. It takes guts to come out like that. Fair play
I wish I was that brave before I came out. I like you held it in for many years and I felt like I was going to implode or something. Even at that I didn't say anything and became suicidal and psychotic over it. I ended up spending over a month in hospital over it. So I agree with ur advise but I would also say be brave and come out when it feels right.

jobbridge4life

Congrats D_D. Welcome to the Agenda.

lyinghere

Well done. Really nice story in the end, such a pity you had to go through all that unnecessary turmoil. Thanks for sharing, and keep us updated!

Mr.Frame

Well done OP and congrats on coming out. Now your life begins for real.
Just a bit of advice , after the big coming out you MAY have a bit of a come down ,its perfectly normal and natural,so just be aware of it.
Enjoy your life now being YOU

D_D

Cheers guys!

And thanks Mr. Frame. I'll keep a close eye on myself if I feel like I'm slipping back to that 'dark place'.

I was thinking of attending some group sessions like Aware, just so I can make sure I have the past behind me and I'm in the right state to move on.

Anyone recommend something like that?