Should I tell him? Please help

cookies999

Hi everyone,

This is and a long story but I do not know where else to turn.

I have been in a relationship with a great guy for three years. He is my first boyfriend and I really love him.
About 9 months ago, I got really drunk on a night out with new friends. One of the boys kissed me, and I kissed him back. I kissed him once. Then, to make things worse, I ran into a friend of mine who is a gay boy (definitely gay, he has a boyfriend now) and kissed him too- he is quite affectionate and kisses girls a lot. But still, I know, no excuses.
So I told my boyfriend about the first kiss, with the new guy. He was mad, but he said it was the first time I'd ever done something like this and that he would forgive me, once it never happened again.
At the time, this was what I thought to be the main issue of the night, which is why I didn't tell him about the kiss with my gay friend (lasted about 3 seconds). But ever since, its been killing me that I didn't tell him. The guilt wakes me up at night sometimes, and I feel so awful I've done this to my lovely boyfriend.

It's been nine months, should I tell him about the second kiss? I know it'll hurt him but I want to do the right thing.
I'm really torn up about it, my two friends that know say it's not a big deal and not to tell him, but I'm not so sure.

Just to clarify, I feel awful about it all. I've never done this before, haven't done it since that night, and won't do it again. I just need help on this issue, please please.

Thanks.

paulmclaughlin

OP have you posted here before about this issue?

cookies999

Yes, I have. Is that not allowed? If not then I apologize!

Blue Iris

The second guy you kissed is no threat to your boyfriend as he is gay. Just try to let yourself off the hook for this. You made a mistake and you learned a lesson from it and have no intention of repeating the behaviour. That's what matters. If you tell your boyfriend you are possibly salving your conscience but it's at his expense as he won't feel any better for knowing.

freelancerTax

Blue Iris wrote: »

The second guy you kissed is no threat to your boyfriend as he is gay. Just try to let yourself off the hook for this. You made a mistake and you learned a lesson from it and have no intention of repeating the behaviour. That's what matters. If you tell your boyfriend you are possibly salving your conscience but it's at his expense as he won't feel any better for knowing.

so if a straight guy has sex with a lesbian its OK and not cheating?
fine logic you have there!

Luke92

freelancerTax wrote: »

so if a straight guy has sex with a lesbian its OK and not cheating?
fine logic you have there!

No threat. The boyfriend won't feel threatened. As in won't really mind because the gay guy is hardly gonna turn straight and run off with his girlfriend. Well highly unlikely!

tictoc

A friend of mine did something similar, she is religious so went to confession to clear her conscience, 6 years later her and bf are v happy and he was never aware.

Blue Iris

What you describe would be cheating unquestionably. The OP had a 3 second kiss with a gay guy who likes kissing girls. She shouldn't have done it but that kiss hardly threatens the relationship with her boyfriend where as the earlier kiss which she confessed to could have led to more as it's quite likely that it happened due to mutual attraction. I know a number of gay men who have no attraction to women but find it entertaining to kiss them on the mouth in a playful way. It may not be logical to you but it makes sense to me!

Laoislion8383

3 second kiss with a gay guy who is a friend of yours I suppose, is hardly the end of the world, say nothing you told him about the first kiss and he forgave you leave it at that, with time it will go out of ur mind and the guilt will lessen

Just tell him - you don't seem like the kind of person that can have that on your mind with ease. I don't think it's acceptable to kiss a gay person - even though it's not a threat, as others have put it, it still is cheating regardless.

castle

Are you saying you french kissed a gay guy? I thought whole point of been gay is that you do not want to kiss of opposite sex, why would you want to kiss a gay guy with your mouth open, seems funny to me unless you where drunk,
Anyway do not mention it and forgive yourself which in itself is a great gift to to give yourself, so look in the mirror and say I forgive you and let that be the end of it. If you like this guy never kiss someone else as it usually ends up with other stiff happening not actually at that time but people push the boundaries out all the time. So make a decision either to be totally faithful or not.

Luke92

castle wrote: »

I thought whole point of been gay is that you do not want to kiss of opposite sex

Haha I don't think that's the whole point of being gay!

dudara

Closing this thread as the OP has closed their account.

dudara