Giving birth & rude staff?

Malabeans

hey guys I'm 22 weeks pregnant so I have a little while to go yet but when I had my first daughter I was young, It was definitely not intentional that I got pregnant and it was very stressful at the beginning (I was 18, partner was 20) I'm now in my 20s and pregnant with our second child, (planned this time!) although we were young we really changed our lives around, I've gotten qualifications in care support and also early childhood education, we got our own place, my partner got a job and we are really good parents and would do anything for our daughter.

Now, I realise that staff in hospitals must get tired of naive teenage girls in and out all the time not realizing what they are getting into (I understand, there was an extremely loud and annoying one while I was there! shouting about tampons and giggling about how she decided she was gonna have a baby while shoe shopping -.-) however, is it fair to make that assumption with every young mom who comes in? to be super rude and patronizing?


While I was in labor there was this one paticular doctor, a woman, she came in and slammed down my file shouting about how we were children having children and mumbling rude things and she scoffed and stormed off. I was in allot of pain, fairly vulnerable and felt very very alone (at this point my partner hadn't made it to the hospital yet, so i was alone with another nurse who was pretending it hadn't happened)

Even though I was only 18 i put my own needs and wants behind and put my child first, it's funny because a 30 year old woman, married with a big house and nice car could have came in and she wouldn't have batted an eyelid and that woman could have went home and been an awful mother or abused her children!

Anytime I'd see her she'd be very rude and patronizing, after i gave birth i still had an IV in my arm, nurse told me i needed a scan to check my placenta (it fell apart during labor and needed to mostly be manually removed)

So the rude doctor came to examine me, gave me the all clear to go home, and i asked about the scan she sniggered at me, while another one of her colleages joined in, before snapping "why would YOU need a scan!!" i explained about the nurse and what she said so she brought me in scanned my belly slammed down the ultrasound thing and said yeah its still there and walked off

I had no idea at the time how to even react or go about making a complaint, so it was left at that.

however now fast foward a few years i have an insane fear of giving birth and i will be in the same hospital and she will possibly be there, if not what if theres another rude doctor??

What am I to do if I am in that situation again, how do I react? I'm terrified of being made feel that vulnerable and inadequate again, is there someone i could report it to?

Sorry it's so long I just needed a bit of a rant lol thanks guys!

evolving_doors

Ill bet they wouldnt do that if your partner was there. Its because you are in a vulnerable situation they think they can get away with it.

Next time if you are not happy with a half-assed response then be ready to make a complaint if none is forthcoming. Dont forget it was in the news only 2 weeks ago about mothers/parents being kept in the dark about such information during/after the delivery procedure.
Ask the nurse, theyll be well used to certain doctor's mannerisms so might be very willing to facilitate.

deisemum

Well it's not just young mums that a lot of midwives and doctors are extremely rude to, a lot don't discriminate on age when it comes to being downright rude, they're just rude to any aged woman in labour. Even if your partner or husband is with you some will speak over your head about you to your other half. You only have to look at all the maternity hospital scandals that are being reported and read of the appalling ways patients were treated and spoken to. Yeah there are some lovely caring midwives and doctors but there are plenty of weapons too.

Malabeans

Gebgbegb wrote: »

Ill bet they wouldnt do that if your partner was there. Its because you are in a vulnerable situation they think they can get away with it.

Next time if you are not happy with a half-assed response then be ready to make a complaint if none is forthcoming. Dont forget it was in the news only 2 weeks ago about mothers/parents being kept in the dark about such information during/after the delivery procedure.
Ask the nurse, theyll be well used to certain doctor's mannerisms so might be very willing to facilitate.

yup! nothing was ever said when he was around!! He was hoping it would be because he wouldn't have left them speak to us like that!
It's really sad isn't it!
Thank you, that's very true, I will keep that in mind about asking the nurse

Malabeans

deisemum wrote: »

Well it's not just young mums that a lot of midwives and doctors are extremely rude to, a lot don't discriminate on age when it comes to being downright rude, they're just rude to any aged woman in labour. Even if your partner or husband is with you some will speak over your head about you to your other half. You only have to look at all the maternity hospital scandals that are being reported and read of the appalling ways patients were treated and spoken to. Yeah there are some lovely caring midwives and doctors but there are plenty of weapons too.

I know it's ridiculous! It's all coming out now and it's so sad!
I think they should have to be assessed every now and then to see how suited they are to the job as individuals, i mean they are in a position where they are dealing with allot of vulnerable or sick people, you can't really have someone with that much resentment, hate or judgement in that kind of situation, it could be dangerous.
yes there are allot of lovely midwifes/nurses/doctors i think it's unfair not to acknowledge them because they are gold!

lazygal

I had two in my 30s and some staff were rude and patronising, nurses and doctors. Second time around I didn't care what they thought, I spoke up and told them what I wanted or was going to do. I got my birth notes and if we go again I'll be using them to.my advantage. I strongly recommend getting them and flagging any issue with the staff well.in advance. I'd rather be known as the patient who needs to have everything run by them and fully explained than seen as just another pushover.

Malabeans

lazygal wrote: »

I had two in my 30s and some staff were rude and patronising, nurses and doctors. Second time around I didn't care what they thought, I spoke up and told them what I wanted or was going to do. I got my birth notes and if we go again I'll be using them to.my advantage. I strongly recommend getting them and flagging any issue with the staff well.in advance. I'd rather be known as the patient who needs to have everything run by them and fully explained than seen as just another pushover.

thank you, very true, i guess I'll just go into it more headstrong this time!

SF12

Make sure your partner knows what you want and is able to speak up.
They aren't God. Have your birth plan, explain you know that things aren't ideal but this is how you would like it to go. Ask loads of questions, don't be afraid to voice an opinion.
It's your body, your child, your labour. They are there to help you if there is difficulty, but you are perfectly entitled to ask them what they are doing and why they are doing both before, during and after. You may get some weird looks, but do it anyway.
They are short staffed and under pressure to be honest, so don't be afraid to say what you're thinking.

The Princess Bride

I'm sure those rude staff are like that with everyone, it wasn't just you, OP.
There is no excuse for their behaviour.
I've worked in healthcare for almost 3decades and I've never been rude to patients/their families.
Alas, I've been horrified occasionally by some colleagues.

Having said that, you get rude folk in every walk of life.
Try to forget that experience, focus on the rest of your pregnancy.Congratulations and best of luck.
Worst case scenario and you ever meet a contrary member of staff again?
Make a note of their name and report them.
I did it recently with member of staff and she was cautioned -I've no regrets, my patients deserve the best care I can give -it's quite simple really.

jeni

I was 26, and asked did I choose to have a baby out of wedlock, i laughed in her face and said actually yes we did (c u next Tuesday) she was a trainee doctor and nun from abroad doing a thesis or something

After my second was born he had baby collapse were he stopped breathing and was rushed off to icu, the doctor came down to talk to me and after his mumbo jumbo I asked simply would my baby be ok, he laughed n said well I wouldn't bet my house on it, thank God my little dude was fine, but I wanted to jump out of the bed n jump him, that doctors so lucky I was just after an epidural

ch750536

Ireland is all about judging others when it comes to s.e.x.ual behaviour. We pretend we are all friendly and fluffy bunnies until you sin like eve.


(I accidentally said the sex word but I think I got away with it)

blinding

ch750536 wrote: »

Ireland is all about judging others when it comes to s.e.x.ual behaviour. We pretend we are all friendly and fluffy bunnies until you sin like eve.


(I accidentally said the sex word but I think I got away with it)

wrong thread.