Breakup out of the blue

LegacyUser

Ok so, I was with a girl for 5 years, from 15 to 20, everything was perfect, we were perfect for eachother, we spent alot of time together, made lots of plans for the future, went on holidays together, everything.

All of a sudden, she broke up with me last week out of the blue. Her excuse was lack of affection and she felt we grew apart. I really don't think we did. Last week, she told me how she was so lucky to have a boyfriend who didnt mind her going out with her friends as other friends boyfriends didnt talk to them for it. She told me she missed me 2 days after last seeing me and posted on instagram etc about our holiday (which is in 2 weeks btw) of how she couldnt wait to go with me, her "one and only", 3 weeks, 3 different posts about me and it was only our 5 year anniversary 4 weeks ago.

That friday she went out on a work night out in the new job and came home at 5:30am, saying her friend got sick and she brought her home, but stayed there for an additional 3 hours for some reason? that Sunday she then broke up with me out of the blue with the reasons above. That morning, for example, I tried to move over to her in the bed and she asked me why I was taking up space yet gives out about lack of affection, my defence was, how can I be affectionate to someone who doesn't want it?

Now, there is a guy she goes to work with each day and shares the same lift with home, theyre also on the same team in work, when I said I didn't like him recently, she was like "no he's so nice" and this stuff.

I was with her Monday, to try sort things out, things seemed to be getting ok, we were more affectionate than in recent weeks, I offered to stay to help fix things that night but she told me she wanted to stay in a friends house so I left her off. I then got a text an hour later saying she didn't feel the same, immediately followed by a call saying to ignore it and how her heart sunk when she sent it. After Monday, I' contacted her, trying to make things up, promising they'll get better and how the holiday with us alone for 10 days will help us grow closer again, (it did alot last year) but she was having none of it.

She then told me she'd like a break just to sort her head out and assured me we would be ok and it was to sort her own thoughts. I asked her Wednesday night if she made a decision and she said she still felt the same.

Today I went to her house, collected my stuff (no one was home), her mother rang me and said she'd miss me and all my stuff was packed and a picture of us at her debs was taken away which really made my heart sink.

Does this add up to anyone else? I feel like theres something I'm not being told, I've asked about anyone else and she said there isn't. But I feel like thats the only thing that would be kept from me. Does anyone have any suggestions what to do? anyone I've told has told me to play her at her own game and not contact her at all for a week atleast and see if she realises whats happened. The holiday is really gone to **** now, €400 each that we're gonna lose. She told me she felt like this for months but didn't have an answer when I asked "why let me book a holiday if you did so?"

I just really don't know what to do. I'm at a loss really.

b_mac2

If you were my friend, I'd be telling you simply, to just keep your dignity and walk away from the whole situation.

LegacyUser

It's so hard to, it really is. She told me she still loves me and could never feel the same way about anyone else, it just doesn't seem reasonable to end it.

b_mac2

I know it sucks but take it from me, it will get easier over time. Just don't dwell on the "what ifs" because they will only eat away at you, trust me.

racso1975

I think this kind of break up is very difficult for the person who did not see it coming especially given so much of it took place during your formative teenage years.

Will not even get into the bit about her male friend cause the bottom line and the bit that's gonna be really hard to deal with is................she does not want this relationship anymore.

Yes it sucks and yes its gonna take you time to deal with etc but 99% of people have been here and got on with there lives

And i dont mean this to sound condescending but there is a part of all this that sounds kind of immature as well.....the likes of contacting her so much and thinking that giving her a week and she will learn her mistake etc

I know first loves are tough ones to get over but as posted up there previously walk away with your dignity.

best of luck

seamusk84

This is going to be an extremely tough few weeks for you my friend. Just try to get through this by talking to your friends and family and it will get better over time.
I know it is hard to do but try and move on if you can and leave her to it, it is the best thing you can do for yourself. Plenty of fish in the sea for a young man like yourself.

Katgurl

That's awful, you must be reeling. I don't think the details of why really matter, the bottom line is she doesn't want the relationship anymore.

Surround yourself with friends and keep busy. Don't contact her. Even if she contacts you tell her you'd like to leave things for a month.

Regarding the holiday can you go anyway? Could a friend step in?

Stavro Mueller

Despite what you think, this break-up didn't happen out of the blue. Your girlfriend will have been giving this some thought for a while. I agree that she shouldn't have been saying/posting the things she did if she was having doubts. But..that sort of behaviour isn't just confined to 20 year olds.

What she's telling you is a mixture of truths and untruths. What it all boils down to is that this was a relationship that started when you were both very young. An awful lot changes in a person's life between the ages of 15 and 20 and you may not be right for each other any more. This looks like a relationship that has run its course. The talk of lack of affection is just her way of pushing you away.

It is all speculation of course but that 5.30 return home looks ominous. Her head may have been turned by this colleague. Then again it might be some other bloke. Bottom line is that she has made her mind up. She doesn't want to be with you any more. It's over. No amount of "I'll ignore her and she'll come to her senses" talk can save this now .

When a relationship ends, the advice that's always given out here is to cut contact. Delete her number, block (or unfriend) her on Facebook, delete her from Whatsapp/Viber. I can see you torturing yourself in the coming weeks, trying to figure out what she's at. You don't need to be seeing her Facebook in your news feed, especially if photos of her and another bloke start showing up in it. You'll find yourself checking Whatsapp and wondering who on earth was she texting at 4.43am? You don't need that sort of heartache in your life.

As for the holiday, are you sure the money can't be refunded? Could names be changed on the tickets so that other people could go?

zl1whqvjs75cdy

Yours still only 20 op so plenty young yet which is good. It sounds to me like you have suspicions about this work friend of hers, which probably aren't too far off the mark. I'd walk away, I know much easier said than done but you can't really trust her now so I don't think it'll work for you.

magicmushroom

I'm very sorry to hear of what you're going through, heartbreak is a terrible thing.

I would be very wary of this other fella. I know you don't want to face that but I think it sounds like there's something going on there or if not yet, she wants there to be.

Speaking from experience, the best thing you can do (but also the hardest) is stop contact. Walking away will give her the time and space she needs to sort out her messed up head. A few days/weeks without you will make her realise what life without you is like and if it's what she really wants.

Texting her, calling her etc will only make you look weak and will become an annoyance to her so just walk away with your head held high.
You will go through a whole range of horrible, hurtful emotions in the coming days - you will probably cry a lot and spend a lot of time staring at your phone waiting for it to beep but sadly it has to be done.

First loves are usually the hardest to get over, I don't envy you right now.
But be assured that nearly everyone on here has been through this at some stage. And as much as we thought it would at the time, it didn't kill us and we all felt better eventually.

My heart really does go out to you, it's a crappy and horrible thing

Faith+1

Urgh it's stuff like this that reminds me off my breakup. Sorry OP.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your replies even if some are not want I wanted to hear.

I know I shouldn't have but the whole cheating aspect got too much for me last night and I had to talk to her. She promised me nothing happened and there is no one else, she's a very quiet girl and I don't think she'd have that in her, and if she did, she wouldn't be able to deal with the guilt.

We just had a chat last night to clear up the confusion about the situation, she told me she wanted to live her life and that a relationship at this age for this long seems too long to her. But how I'm all she's known for so long, it's gonna be difficult for her obviously and how she just needs space to find out if I'm the reason she's unhappy. I told her I didn't want to bother her and I understand she needs space and said I wouldn't contact her anymore, she said if something does change, she'll be straight to me and how she still loves me just as much and everything like that and advised me not to cancel the holiday just yet in case something does change.

I don't want to make excuses for myself or anything but she does come from a broken home and her dad really has been messing her around alot over the last few months, I personally think thats where its come from but she's confused over whether its me or other personal reasons. Just my opinion.

Regarding name changing on the holiday and that, its gonna be €100 to do so and then theres probably hidden charges somewhere from Aer Lingus, also the room isn't refundable. Just with it being so soon away, its 16 days from today, it would be very hard for anyone to get off work for 10 days on such late notice. Same goes for asking someone else to come with me.

captainfrost

What you need is to meet people mostly girls and talk talk and talk. You obviously not ready for a new relationship at the moment but anything in between is cool.
She seems like a really nice girl, but I still blame her for not giving enough notice and time so you both could fix things.
Longterm relationship usually consist of "times" like this. But still it always fixable and breakup is suppose to be the very last resort.
So so sorry.